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Original poster

How not to let the school mums get to me

57 replies

IHateSchoolRuns · 05/09/2024 11:10

my child started a new school 2 years ago later than everyone else so everyone already knew each other. I always got a weird feeling from them but put it down to being paranoid. I won’t give all the details here but over time people have hinted and one told me outright people thing my child is weird and they talk about her. She’s a summer born so maybe is a little immature compared to the rest so I have it no notice but I’m finding the parents attitude quite bitchy. It seems like they have nothing better to do than talk about an 8 year old kid! We never had these issues in other settings just seems to be this school where they are quite judging. I don’t know how to handle. Spoken to
school who said she does come across “young” in many ways but will catch up at one point. Academically very bright. I just feel this school the kids are quite grown up whereas we still meet old friends from old school and they are very much like her - all giggly and laughing all the time. She gets looks from the new school when she does skipping into school for example! I feel really sad, I feel like talking to the mums but then worry they will think I’m “weird” too. I just hate the atmosphere.

OP posts:
Original poster
IHateSchoolRuns · 05/09/2024 11:13

It makes me feel really small and like I want to hide away when I see the other mums. I wish they would tell me outright what their issue is. We had a playdate with one over summer and the little boy said “they are all so weird mummy! You were right!”. This was younger brother of my daughters friend.

OP posts:
Ardrahan · 05/09/2024 11:20

I think you’re mixing up two issues here. Firstly, is your daughter suffering socially because she’s young for her age? My DS, because he started school in a different country was a year younger than most of his classmates where we live now, and it did show, sometimes. We just went with it and kept an eye on friendships. He will grow up in his own time. Can she not still socialise with friends from her own school?

Secondly, your relationships with other school parents. Why is this important? Is this about her social life or yours?

DaisyChain505 · 05/09/2024 11:23

You only see/have to deal with these parents because their children happen to go to the same school as your child. It is a tiny fraction of your day.

They are not your family, they are not friends, they don’t mean anything to you and your life.

You are at school to drop your child off and pick them up. What’s important is that you have a good line of communication with textures so you can do what’s best for you child.

Other parents who you happen to pass by in the playground are insignificant to your life.

KellyJonesLeatherTrousers · 05/09/2024 11:25

Worry less (not at all) about what the other mums think, its not relevant to you or your child unless its leading to bullying of her in school.

There is no need for you to be friends with the mums. Perhaps over time you’ll get chatting to one of the nicer ones but don’t prioritise it.

Snowpaw · 05/09/2024 11:25

I'd just focus on doing all you can to improve / enjoy your life outside of school. Focus on the friendships you already have, do nice things together with your child, find a hobby, fill your life essentially with the good stuff so that you gain perspective on how little the opinion of other school mums really matters.

Aquamarine1029 · 05/09/2024 11:25

These school mums aren't anything to you. Drop your child off and don't give them another thought.

48Hourss · 05/09/2024 11:27

Skip into school with her, fuck the judgey ones.

Original poster
IHateSchoolRuns · 05/09/2024 11:29

Thank you all. It just upsets me as if they took the time to get to know us they would realise we’re just like them and nothing weird.

OP posts:
MidwichCuckoo · 05/09/2024 11:33

I had a similar experience with a similar child. It was a minority of parents who weren't nice and they tended to have unkind children. You won't have to deal with them when the kids move on to secondary school, but until then just try and ignore the mean ones and interact with the nice ones.

HerewegoagainSS · 05/09/2024 11:37

Aquamarine1029 · 05/09/2024 11:25

These school mums aren't anything to you. Drop your child off and don't give them another thought.

This!

Is your kid happy and making friends? Enjoying school? That’s the main thing. Does she do clubs out of school with likeminded kids? 8-10 is a weird age for girls. Some seem very streetwise and others more babyish. The balance usually rights itself later on, I wouldn’t worry.

Bestyearever2024 · 05/09/2024 11:39

IHateSchoolRuns · 05/09/2024 11:29

Thank you all. It just upsets me as if they took the time to get to know us they would realise we’re just like them and nothing weird.

What do the mums say when you invite their children over for a playdate?

Ardrahan · 05/09/2024 11:40

IHateSchoolRuns · 05/09/2024 11:29

Thank you all. It just upsets me as if they took the time to get to know us they would realise we’re just like them and nothing weird.

But so what, though? Is it having a negative impact on your daughter’s life and friendships? If not, don’t worry about it.

At the school DS attended till he was 8, I was definitely ‘weird’ by the standards of the other mothers of his classmates, most of whom had all attended the same school themselves — in fairness, it wasn’t hard to stand out there, as will be clear when I say that I was ‘weird’ because I was a foreigner who worked FT and cycled everywhere. It never had a negative impact on DS. I invited children he liked for play dates, regardless of whether I liked the parents. Anyone can grin and bear it over a coffee or a handover at the door. He has very good memories of the school.

Aquamarine1029 · 05/09/2024 11:47

IHateSchoolRuns · 05/09/2024 11:29

Thank you all. It just upsets me as if they took the time to get to know us they would realise we’re just like them and nothing weird.

This is where your thinking is really off and your self-worth far too dependant on the opinion of other people.

The reality is even if they got to know you, they still may not care for you. That's just life. We all aren't suited to be friends, and it just doesn't matter. You don't need these people to like you to live your life.

orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements · 05/09/2024 11:54

Hold her hand and skip into the school with her. Really go for it. Then give her a massive hug and kiss, tell her she's amazing and wave her off confidently.

Then bowl it out of there with your head held high.

You are there for her, not for them. Who gives a flying fuck what they think? They mean nothing and you've got, what three years left of that school? After that they will mean less than nothing. You'll barely remember them.

orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements · 05/09/2024 11:56

IHateSchoolRuns · 05/09/2024 11:29

Thank you all. It just upsets me as if they took the time to get to know us they would realise we’re just like them and nothing weird.

You're not just like them. You're nice. They are twats. They are grown adults that bitch about 8 year olds. How horrible and frankly, embarrassing.

Don't aspire to be treated as equals to these people. They're not worth your time.

Whothefuckdoesthat · 05/09/2024 15:24

IHateSchoolRuns · 05/09/2024 11:29

Thank you all. It just upsets me as if they took the time to get to know us they would realise we’re just like them and nothing weird.

Why do you want them to get to know you? They sound horrible. And they are teaching their children that if someone is a bit different or doesn’t fit into the exact mould that they’ve decided is ‘normal’ then there is something with them. You don’t want to invite that spite and fear of non conformity into your life.

These people, their thoughts and their opinions are irrelevant. They aren’t your friends or your family or your bosses. In a couple of years, you wouldn’t recognise them if you bumped into them in the street. So hold your head up high and don’t give a shit what they think. They can shove their opinions in their earholes.

NunyaBeeswax · 05/09/2024 15:31

Do you want a weird happy kid?
Or a dull unhappy one?

Do you want to foster a unique person that is playful, inquisitive? Clever? And has a spark? Or do you want to hammer her into a lump of grey clay?

People think I'm weird... .thing is, I live in my head, I know I'm weird.
Better weird and me than some version of me the world wishes me to be. Fuck that poopy poops.

Be weird. Weirder the better. Don't walk into school, skip, hop, laugh, sing. If anyone stares, stick the Vs up and scream bollocks at them whilst twirling and jumping in puddles with your daughter who is an individual and not a faceless lump on her way to the meat grinder.

Ardrahan · 05/09/2024 15:33

Aquamarine1029 · 05/09/2024 11:47

This is where your thinking is really off and your self-worth far too dependant on the opinion of other people.

The reality is even if they got to know you, they still may not care for you. That's just life. We all aren't suited to be friends, and it just doesn't matter. You don't need these people to like you to live your life.

Show quote history

Absolutely.

Also, if they’re this suspicious, gossipy and unfriendly, why would the OP have the remotest interest in getting their seal of approval? It’s a bit like ‘Waah, they’re awful! Why don’t they like me?’

OriginalUsername2 · 05/09/2024 15:36

Drop off and leave, pick up and leave.

Nikki8762 · 09/09/2024 13:09

IHateSchoolRuns · 05/09/2024 11:10

my child started a new school 2 years ago later than everyone else so everyone already knew each other. I always got a weird feeling from them but put it down to being paranoid. I won’t give all the details here but over time people have hinted and one told me outright people thing my child is weird and they talk about her. She’s a summer born so maybe is a little immature compared to the rest so I have it no notice but I’m finding the parents attitude quite bitchy. It seems like they have nothing better to do than talk about an 8 year old kid! We never had these issues in other settings just seems to be this school where they are quite judging. I don’t know how to handle. Spoken to
school who said she does come across “young” in many ways but will catch up at one point. Academically very bright. I just feel this school the kids are quite grown up whereas we still meet old friends from old school and they are very much like her - all giggly and laughing all the time. She gets looks from the new school when she does skipping into school for example! I feel really sad, I feel like talking to the mums but then worry they will think I’m “weird” too. I just hate the atmosphere.

It's hard being the odd one out, I felt like that often. All the mums knew each other, went to school together and it was just weird. Your daughter is 8, there's no harm in skipping in to school, yeah its hard being the youngest because that gives almost a whole year between some of the older ones and at that age it can be a huge difference but honestly parents talking about it and calling her names it's not on. Imagine being so weirded out by an 8 year old that skips, like shuv off. You've not long to go now till she leaves and then high school is a whole new ball game, no more arsehole mums :)

Their opinion isn't important, dies she have friends in the class? School should be backing you up and letting parents know it's not acceptable, especially whennthey are saying it in front of their kids and it could cause bullying. It's bang out of order

lazzapazza · 09/09/2024 13:13

orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements · 05/09/2024 11:54

Hold her hand and skip into the school with her. Really go for it. Then give her a massive hug and kiss, tell her she's amazing and wave her off confidently.

Then bowl it out of there with your head held high.

You are there for her, not for them. Who gives a flying fuck what they think? They mean nothing and you've got, what three years left of that school? After that they will mean less than nothing. You'll barely remember them.

Very much this.

Jellybeanbag · 09/09/2024 13:16

orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements · 05/09/2024 11:56

You're not just like them. You're nice. They are twats. They are grown adults that bitch about 8 year olds. How horrible and frankly, embarrassing.

Don't aspire to be treated as equals to these people. They're not worth your time.

Edited
Show quote history

Totally agree with this.

Also, you need to be confident as you walk in and out that school, even if you feel wobbly. Head up, shoulders back. Show how proud you are of your girl and they can sod off!

Jennaxoxox · 09/09/2024 13:38

You describe your daughter as happy and content, these tend to be the kids that get "noticed". She's living her best life with no second thought to what anyone else thinks! This is not a weakness, this is most definitely a strength! Don't let anyone dull her sparkle! ✨

CwtchWithMam · 09/09/2024 13:57

It's not entirely the same situation as you but my son has Global Development Delay so he is developmentally younger then all his classmates. Some of the kids call him a baby etc. And their mothers always correct them saying, "he's not baby, he's a little boy just like you". When they ask why my son is in a pram or highchair etc. Their mums just say, "because he wants to, we all like different things". They have NEVER called him weird. So all this is to say, those mothers sound like arseholes! People know how to act, they are being rude.

Sartre · 09/09/2024 13:59

Get there bang on time so you minimise waiting around as much as possible. Focus 100% of your energy on her rather than any energy on these bitchy idiots. Honestly, just turn up as the door is opening (learn to time it so you can do this as much as poss), drop/collect and leave without so much as a second glance at them.

We moved from a city to a village 6 years ago and my oldest DC had to move into the local primary. All of the parents already knew one another and not one of them made any effort to get to know us. I tried really hard at first to make small talk, make sure I smiled and greeted them etc but they just often looked at me like I had two heads or ignored me entirely. I was upset at first but soon learnt to do as I said above.