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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

How not to let the school mums get to me

57 replies

IHateSchoolRuns · 05/09/2024 11:10

my child started a new school 2 years ago later than everyone else so everyone already knew each other. I always got a weird feeling from them but put it down to being paranoid. I won’t give all the details here but over time people have hinted and one told me outright people thing my child is weird and they talk about her. She’s a summer born so maybe is a little immature compared to the rest so I have it no notice but I’m finding the parents attitude quite bitchy. It seems like they have nothing better to do than talk about an 8 year old kid! We never had these issues in other settings just seems to be this school where they are quite judging. I don’t know how to handle. Spoken to
school who said she does come across “young” in many ways but will catch up at one point. Academically very bright. I just feel this school the kids are quite grown up whereas we still meet old friends from old school and they are very much like her - all giggly and laughing all the time. She gets looks from the new school when she does skipping into school for example! I feel really sad, I feel like talking to the mums but then worry they will think I’m “weird” too. I just hate the atmosphere.

OP posts:
NeedToChangeName · 10/09/2024 08:06

Yozzer87 · 10/09/2024 05:57

I don't mean this in a negative way but are you absolutely sure they are actually doing all this and you're not overthinking it?
There's a mother at my children's school, don't know her and none of my kids are in any of her kids' classes but I walk past her daily and she stares me down. I briefly walked past her in the alcohol aisle in a shop while she was on the phone and she said something loud about other school mums giving her "judgemental looks" for buying canned cocktails. I couldn't care less. I was minding my own business and wasn't even looking at her. I only started noticing her at all because of her stares in the street. So maybe there's some kind of self fulfilling prophecy going on.
So are you completely sure you're not overthinking it to some degree because you're feeling like an outsider? I doubt they're giving as much negativity to you as you think.

Agree with this

MN can be an echo chamber of "all school mums are bitches" and it's really unhelpful

Thepeopleversuswork · 10/09/2024 08:09

@NeedToChangeName

MN can be an echo chamber of "all school mums are bitches" and it's really unhelpful

Unhelpful, misogynistic, paranoid and profoundly stupid. As if “school mums” wer a species with identical traitS. All women are different, some of you seem to struggle with this.

A lot of people are living out school trauma through this and really need to get a grip.

NunyaBeeswax · 10/09/2024 08:45

Thepeopleversuswork · 10/09/2024 08:09

@NeedToChangeName

MN can be an echo chamber of "all school mums are bitches" and it's really unhelpful

Unhelpful, misogynistic, paranoid and profoundly stupid. As if “school mums” wer a species with identical traitS. All women are different, some of you seem to struggle with this.

A lot of people are living out school trauma through this and really need to get a grip.

This is the same as popping on thread about bad men and NAMALTing all over it.

I may have missed it, but I've read the thread and I've not seen anyone saying ALL school mums are like this.

People forget that you can talk about members of group without meaning the entirety of that group.

"Why do the dogs on our walk bark at me?"
"Not all dogs are like that!"

"Why do builders make such a mess?"
"Not all builders are like that!"

"Why do men keep murdering women?"
"NAMALT!!!"

so on and so forth.
If a man stabs you and you moan about violent men, remember, NAMALT so don't moan about the ones that are.

Aubree17 · 10/09/2024 12:59

I want to reassure you that you aren't alone.

Most playgrounds are full of similar types of people.

By the time your child's in secondary school it disappears.

In the meantime continue being you and don't give them a second thought.

Thepeopleversuswork · 10/09/2024 15:29

@NunyaBeeswax

I may have missed it, but I've read the thread and I've not seen anyone saying ALL school mums are like this.

There is a poster on this thread saying, and I quote: “school mums are the worst”. She goes on to compare school mums (apparently all school mums) as “mean girls”. It’s all over this thread.

NAMALT is a completely erroneous comparison here. NAMALT is used about men as a class maltreating or abusing women as a class.

This is a woman whose child is having a hard time at school who is reasonably upset with a bunch of people frothing at the mouth about “school mums” (ie themselves) being “bitches”. The lack of critical thinking is stunning and does no one on this thread any favours.

NunyaBeeswax · 10/09/2024 16:00

Thepeopleversuswork · 10/09/2024 15:29

@NunyaBeeswax

I may have missed it, but I've read the thread and I've not seen anyone saying ALL school mums are like this.

There is a poster on this thread saying, and I quote: “school mums are the worst”. She goes on to compare school mums (apparently all school mums) as “mean girls”. It’s all over this thread.

NAMALT is a completely erroneous comparison here. NAMALT is used about men as a class maltreating or abusing women as a class.

This is a woman whose child is having a hard time at school who is reasonably upset with a bunch of people frothing at the mouth about “school mums” (ie themselves) being “bitches”. The lack of critical thinking is stunning and does no one on this thread any favours.

You said:

There is a poster on this thread saying, and I quote: “school mums are the worst”. She goes on to compare school mums (apparently all school mums) as “mean girls”. It’s all over this thread.

They do not say "All school mums are the worst" so.

By your rationale, you saying:
The lack of critical thinking is stunning and does no one on this thread any favours.
About Mumsnet posters includes yourself..

But obviously when you refer to a mass group, you mean specific members. When others do it, you read it as referring to every member.

Topshrunk · 10/09/2024 16:07

So sorry to sound harsh but you really are going to have to toughen up, I mean this in the nicest possible way. My DD started a new school 2 years ago and I absolutely could not care less if the mums liked me or DD. Drop your DD off at school and hold your head up high, they have no baring on your life and do you really want your DD to feel controlled by what people think…no. Please don’t dwell on this any longer x

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