Refugees "visiting home"

[Notanotherkendoll]

I'm not sure how I feel after this conversation with a friend so would like to hear other opinions.
My friend took in a Ukrainian refugee back in 2022, she was a 18/19 year old teenager. She didn't stay for long before getting employment/started studying and was able to move out but they have remained in touch and my friend sort of views herself as the girls "uk mum".
Anyway friend is once again beside herself as she has gone back to Kyiv for a few days. This isn't the city she is from but sadly the city she was from was under siege for sometime and is now mostly destroyed. She is going to visit her family who all moved to Kyiv, as the only girl her family pushed her to flee when the war started but her mum stayed put.

This has me thinking, surely if it is safe enough for her to return home to visit, it's safe enough for her to move back? I thought the whole point of being a refugee was that your own country wasn't safe, if you are going back to visit how can that be the case?

AIBU to think it's incompatible with the very nature of being a refugee to be able to visit home?

Exactly. Think what these people are going through - have some compassion! Try putting yourself in their position, either sending your daughter away to strangers in another country, or being that daughter.

@Newgreendress There are plenty people who are rich and intelligent also fighting.

It's criminal but I don't blame people for being scared.

The behaviour of the invading murderers is beyond the comprehension of most normal people.

What a dreadful thing to think. Consider yourself fortunate that your nice safe country isn't at war, or being bombed or annihilated.

Mean minded doesn't begin to cover it.

I neither judge nor blame anyone for the choices they make, but that man didn't leave 'his wealthy life for chicken hut of a house in the UK', he run away from having to defend his country, didn't he?

I wouldn’t, personally. I would if it were just me. Our guest has never been home, and says she won’t go back until the war is over. Her son is really missing his Grandad, they were very close. My husband offered to fly with him to Poland to meet up with Grandad for a visit and she won’t allow him to go there. She says it’s “too close”. She is very deeply traumatised.

So what if he did? I would do the same and so would many given the opportunity. The men who stayed when they had the choice to leave (not many - the ban on men leaving came very quickly) may be especially brave. But I don’t think many of us on this thread would be keen on facing down the Russians.

i Don’t even know if it’s a he, that poster didn’t say the gender

How do you know?

That’s not what we or the government was calling Ukranians. They have a different status than refugees who seek asylum here.

Tell me other options

Nope! Just people with some knowledge of the world and a bit of perspective

Their "knowledge of the world" looks one-sided

Well, men under 25 and over 60 years of age, as well as persons who are declared unfit and excluded from the lists of persons liable for military service, aren't subject to mobilization.
Have you ever been conscripted and had to fight a war?

I’m not sure what you are trying to argue

i am saying the exact same thing you are saying

it was a threat of death/desperate situation that made him leave

even if you believe that men should be forced to fight and those who don’t are cowards and shouldn’t be allowed to be refugees, you agree facing death is a horrible situation right? And that he will be facing death right?

that poster basically said you can’t be a refugee if you have money, implying he’s here for other reasons

and I just said that it must have been a very terrible situation/threat of death that made him leave his comfortable life behind

he didn’t run here for no good reason

weather you believe its right or not that men can escape war is right or not, is a completely different topic

Do you really believe ukrainian officials do not also accept bribes?

Do you want to try to justify the Russian invasion?
Or mass rape? https://edition.cnn.com/2024/05/30/europe/russia-sexual-violence-occupied-ukraine-intl-cmd/index.html
Or other human rights abuses?
https://www.ohchr.org/en/hr-bodies/hrc/iicihr-ukraine/index

Yes that’s my point

it was a desperate situation, facing death, that made him run, he didn’t give up his comfortable life for no good reason

Maybe he didn't want to be tortured or raped by Russians?
www.pravda.com.ua/eng/news/2024/06/4/7459183/

This is all total speculation - none of you know him or anything about him!

We don’t even know if it’s a he, that poster said one of the refugees, no mention of gender

Sorry to hear how she and her son are feeling. That was very kind of your husband.

My neighbour goes back four or five times a year and takes her daughter with her (she was four when I first met them). She has no qualms about going but always leaves her teenage son here (to avoid being drafted, I’m guessing- he’s 18 or 19 now).

Exactly

The UK government calls them refugees.

UK government's humanitarian response to Russia’s invasion of Ukraine - GOV.UK (www.gov.uk)

Unfortunately, the ukrainians do that to the russians, too

Where's the report on that please?