Refugees "visiting home"

[Notanotherkendoll]

I'm not sure how I feel after this conversation with a friend so would like to hear other opinions.
My friend took in a Ukrainian refugee back in 2022, she was a 18/19 year old teenager. She didn't stay for long before getting employment/started studying and was able to move out but they have remained in touch and my friend sort of views herself as the girls "uk mum".
Anyway friend is once again beside herself as she has gone back to Kyiv for a few days. This isn't the city she is from but sadly the city she was from was under siege for sometime and is now mostly destroyed. She is going to visit her family who all moved to Kyiv, as the only girl her family pushed her to flee when the war started but her mum stayed put.

This has me thinking, surely if it is safe enough for her to return home to visit, it's safe enough for her to move back? I thought the whole point of being a refugee was that your own country wasn't safe, if you are going back to visit how can that be the case?

AIBU to think it's incompatible with the very nature of being a refugee to be able to visit home?

For the record - I have 2 adult guests - both working since the start of the 3rd week they arrived here.

One 16 year old guest who despite only starting to learn English when he arrived here in March 2022 has just passed his GCSEs well enough to be allowed to go on to do A Levels - because he worked his guts out to learn English and get the results he needed.

I do not think they are a drain on society at all - if anything they're quite frankly an example a lot of people in this country could do with following they also make the best cakes ever

We were very lucky I know lots of people who have not been so happy with the way things have turned out....

what about all those dead Ukrainian women, children and elderly we hear in the news about everyday? If they chose to stay in Ukraine and not run and become refugees must not be that bad right!

Her choosing to risk her life and health/body to see family what could be the last time does not change the fact that is it extremely unsafe to live there

The real messed up part of it is that Ukrainians seem to be the only nationality who do not get watched like hawks and severely penalized for doing this. Although this is guess is down to the technicality of ‘potato-potato-ing’ the refugee status as someone else said

Anyway, fully support her going back to visit if she can. Hope she stays safe. Hope she does’t get any comeback from it.

i genuinely think that if you’ve (generally not OP specifically) not been in this position you have absolutely no right to criticize

I guess if god forbids uk is ever attacked and there’s war, all the rich/wealthy/educated/middle class mumsnetters on here and their families will have to stay back and get torn into pieces by bombs because refugees can only be poor

are you saying Ukrainians cannot be wealthy/educated/business owners or are you saying that if you are educated/wealthy you should be left to die or are you saying if you are educated/wealthy bombs will be nice you and avoid you and only discriminate against the poor?

Of course she’s allowed to visit, and sounds like is doing so at great risk to herself

I think it’s reasonable for OP to ask any question she wants without the “omg you are so stooooopid” responses. We really are shit as a country at having normal conversations.

Yeah I’m sure this wealthy guy left his gorgeous much nicer fancy massive house in Ukraine, his fancy toys, luxury life, fancy great job and home country where he was very comfortable and well off with his loved ones and friends around to move to shitty weather cost of living crisis foreign country to live in a tiny uk house crowded with a bunch of stranger room mates who make sad faces and offer charity, and be surrounded by neighbours like you to judge his situation, because he wanted to/his will

I’m sure he just dreamed to downgrade his lifestyle, not like he had no choice

Agree!

Bombs don’t discriminate, his apparent wealth makes him no less unsafe or less worthy of help.

Here's another link

If you dont want to click I'll explain

Lviv. Should be "safe". Tell this poor man that. Lost his whole family thanks to russian savages

x.com/kyivpost/status/1831268190405484595?s=46&t=En7uHsBtveeyWz6jMQkU-A

A more valid observation might be that the war has affected all income groups.

You do know that there is an actual war involving actual missiles killing actual people in Ukraine, don't you? And that the absolute minimum number of civilian casualties is 11,520 killed, 23,640 wounded (and thousands missing), with 120,000 Ukrainian soldiers killed, martial law and massive displacement due to such intense physical destruction. And that's not to mention the horrific trauma and psychological damage undoubtedly unleashed by such widespread loss.

What would you do if this happened in your country?

Not making a value judgement either way but just wanting to gauge opinions-

“Would I return to a war torn country to visit my husband, sons, brothers, mother, etc. Absolutely…”

would you take your four year old daughter with you?

It seems lots of ukrainian wives on this tread

Being rich doesn’t make you immortal!!!!

Lets not pretend many many many uikrainians were desperate to leave the country, for Poland for example, long before the war, it's just now they have open doors to EU

Sure, poor ukrainians, ukrainians after Soviet Union fell, ukrainians from the Donbass area where they had war since 2014, but we are talking about this wealthy guy who owns a Lexus

wealthy Ukrainians driving Lexuses were not desperate to start over and become cleaners in Poland cmon

and from those I know, many want to go back and have already left and moved back e.g my friends aunt in Poland

Well, for one, he fled the country so he doesn't need to fight

I was talking about that persons wealthy neighbour driving a Lexus

wealthy people are not desperate to leave for no good reason, they are fine in their own country

Yeah because he is scared of dying like any of us, just like any other refugees, that’s a good reason, don’t you think

hes allowed to be scared just like a woman might be

I have several Ukrainian friends and to a person they’re deeply patriotic and would return to Ukraine in a heartbeat but it simply isn’t safe right now for them or their families. Many of them have male family members fighting for their right to do exactly that.

How about instead of picking fault with people fleeing their homes we take issue with the Russian animals who are killing/maiming and raping Ukrainian civilians?

OP it's not safe, trust me. I have a close relative working out there. Indirectly for NATO. He obviously can't fly and out. No one can. It's not like popping over to Paris

And he left 'poor and stupid' people; to fight on his behalf and for him?

It isn’t safe for her to visit home. She is putting herself at great risk doing so but the risk is one she is willing to take to see her family who are living under extreme threat. What standard should be put on refugees if not a war torn country still under constant attack?

Easy to judge from the comfort of our couches. Easy to sit in the safety of our homes and demand someone goes die

plenty poor people left, so why shouldn’t he?

with this logic let’s judge all the other refugees and women who left and left people behind to fight. Who am I to judge someone scared of being killed

anyway, Ukraine banned men from leaving unless they are single fathers, under 18, over 65 or have serious health problems, so op could be lying

You need to watch your language.

Some posters get awfully upset when you call the russians out for their behaviour.

I've heard they can buy themselves out for $1,000 bribe, quite believable