I used to get drunk at work - help

[Loister]

How do I get over the shame? After university I joined a large UK corporation. I know now that I was suffering from generalised anxiety, OCD and social anxiety. My current psychiatrist also suspects I’m autistic. In addition to being very damaged from a very traumatising childhood (sexual and physical abuse). I self medicated and am so ashamed.

Colleagues must have known. I would often over do it and just embarrass myself on the train home from work. I can recall the looks on people’s faces and it sends a shiver me down my spine. I’m so embarrassed and ashamed. The shame is making me ill!

It’s disgusting but I would take a shot in the morning in the bathroom at work to overcome my nerves. And I just took a shot every time my anxiety kicked in. Which it inevitably always did. And the issue just grew from there as my tolerances increased.

I’m no contact with my parents. Just would love some advice from the mums on here.

im doing well now - retrained, switched jobs. I only drink very rarely when I go out to celebrate but never to excess.

Voted YABU purely because this is in the past now. You switched jobs, retrained and rarely drink. Don’t look back on this, everyone goes through phases. You realised there was a problem and addressed it. Look ahead now x

Please don't be too hard on yourself.

Some of it may be the reasons you listed but a lot of it is just youth. Everyone grows up at different rates and you just did a chunk of your working-it-all out at that point in your life.

It sounds like you'd never do that now so you have learned and grown.

I'd prefer to forget my antics at that age too.

Fuck it. You aren't doing it now. That version of you is gone.

Some people are still taking shots at work, I'm sure.

I used to drink tonic water at work as it made me feel like I was having a G&T and take the edge off 😂😂

I think we’ve all done things at a jon when younger that we are now ashamed of. Don’t beat yourself up about it

Just by the info in the post, YABU. You aren’t doing it now. You’ve reflected on it and your life is improved. Do not regret the past it doesn’t serve you. Live in the now and look forward to the future.

well done on how well you’re doing now. I do think you need to work with your psychiatrist to work through this. I don’t mean to dismiss it for you, but it’s in the past - do you still work with anyone who would remember. Also people don’t tend to really remember much beyond their own circle and whilst they may have suspected from time to time, did they actually know?

when I first started work Friday lunchtimes in the pub were the norm, to this day I’m surprised we didn’t have more cash differences back then as I know some people definitely over indulged. In fact half our customers were there with us, if they needed to speak to the manager on a Friday afternoon they wouldn’t even bother phoning the branch they’d just go to the pub.

both you and society have come a long way.

Focus on today and the life you have now.
Leave what has been in the past.

Don't waste time on things you can't change.

You start thinking about it differently.

Every single time the shame pops into your head, you tell yourself that you’ve achieved a massive thing by managing to stop before you completely wrecked your life. You’ve learnt what your triggers are and you’re learning how to develop better coping strategies. None of that is easy! And, that shame and embarrassment is what is going to stop you from ever doing it again. It’s your safety net. Start thinking of it as something to be grateful for; there’s no way you’ll ever get drunk at a works do and tell your boss what you think of them.

Lots of us have done something in our lives that we’re not proud of. But you didn’t hurt anyone else. You’re not a bad person; you just made some mistakes. You’ve learnt such a valuable lesson and you were really lucky that you learnt it before you fucked up your career.

Great advice on this thread.
You have to think of the old you in a sympathetic and kind way - 'The old me struggled at work and with situations that triggered anxiety, so the old me used to drink to manage those anxieties. I feel for the old me, but I am glad they got the support they needed and worked hard to overcome this and make my life the life it is now, the life I deserve'.

Shame can be a debilitating emotion OP. Have you been made to feel shame from your parents in the past? The antidote to feeling shame isn't necessarily feeling proud, it's feeling safe. Surround yourself where possible with people you feel safe with. Think about what/who makes you feel safe.

I don’t work with a single person as I have switched industries. I had made a couple of friends at this workplace but chose to cut them out of my life due to the shame of them most likely knowing I was a drunk

When I was just starting out in my career I worked with a chap who used to keep a bottle of vodka in his drawer that he would regularly, slyly swig from. He would gradually get more pissed throughout the day. He would hide it but we all knew.

None of us judged him, we worried about him. He was a lovely guy but clearly had some demons. He was eventually signed off sick and never returned. When I occasionally think of him now I only hope that he managed to get help and turn things around.

There is no shame in having issues. We all have them and deal with them in different ways. I’m sure your colleagues were just concerned and I’m also sure they’d be pleased to know you’re now doing well. Hold your head high.

How long ago was this op. When did you leave?

Wow. I am so impressed with what you’ve achieved, especially in the context of so many difficult experiences. Reading this just made me think you must be really quite a remarkable person to have overcome so much and to now be retrained, working and not drinking to excess. You are amazing.

This is an odd question. It is very normal to feel shame. It’s a standard human emotion when we do something we know to be wrong and socially unacceptable, we don’t need to be taught it by our parents, in fact if you don’t feel shame it would be concerning.

Stop beating yourself up over it.

We've all made mistakes and quite frankly, you'd probably be surprised by how many people are actually raging alcoholics in work places.

If you weren't sacked or pulled up for a disciplinary, you're fine.

youve achieved so much and done so welll. Please don’t dwell on this previous behaviour. I bet none of your co-workers do. Forgive yourself and move on. Therapy will help with that too. I wouldn’t be surprised if there wasn’t a single person on here that hadn’t done something as a young person that they regretted. I know I have and I just have to work hard at not thinking about it. I keep a box in my head for all that stuff and keep the lid shut.

It's not an odd question. People who have been repeatedly shamed by others, especially in childhood, tend to feel excessive amounts of shame later. It can be debilitating, rather than helpful.

I'm 47

When I started working lots of people including me drank at lunchtimes.

I remember going out with my team on Friday lunchtime and we all got through a lot of wine. We were all drunk when we got back to the office and I don't think anyone got any work done that afternoon!

It is very likely most of your colleagues didn't notice. Most of the ones who noticed will not have cared.

The vast vast majority of people are wised up in their own lives and don't even notice other people.

You don't say how old you are, or how long ago this was, or whether you being drunk in the workplace had harmful consequences for anyone else - I'm assuming it was a desk job and you weren't a driver, health care practitioner etc.

It sounds like you've already moved on - well done! - and now you need to forgive yourself.

When I joined the workforce in central London in a creative/media role in the '90's everyone was drunk in the workplace, not just on Friday afternoon. A lot of people were using drugs too, fallling out of taxis at 6am straight out of a nightclub. You're not the first, you won't be the last and I'm glad you're getting some support. You should be congratulated on how far you've come! 💐

You can't see likes - but I just want you to know that Violetmouse is not the only one who sees it this way.

You have done so well to overcome this - you should be really proud of yourself.

Most of us don't see or admit to our flaws, much less act on them, but you have.

I was going to say move jobs, but you did. Don't worry about it you're not working there anymore. Unless you want to write to them to explain your struggles like you have here, then just put it to bed.