How can they not see the washing basket is full... and other things

[mysparkleismissing]

I don't understand how men can't see that the washing basket is full to bursting and just keep putting stuff into it.

Or say 'that bin really stinks' and walks away 'it really needs emptying'

Or goes to the shops to buy toothpaste for his forthcoming trip but none for the house (on the last dregs, none in the drawer)

So many girl friends say 'they just don't see it' but how!!

NOT ALL MEN

Some of you just chose poorly.

Men can get to the moon but they can't wash their pants

I liked this.

My favourite.

Well you didn't have to, he could have done it. You're making a rod for your own back by doing everything for him.

I don't know how women are attracted to men like this.

I didn’t chose a man who can’t see mess. He was divorced and had lived on his own for about 8 months. I know he is capable of tidying up after himself because his house was clean and he was presentable.

This is despite late MIL stating that washing up/cleaning a shower/emptying a bin “shouldn’t be a man’s job”

Pyramid arrangement of all offending bits and bobs on His Desk.
Gets. Noticed.
Bless.

We have a schedule for stuff so no one has to see a full bin it gets emptied on set days by the children who are now adults. They also have a set day to do their laundry too so the machine is available to them. Same with the dishwasher, I do one day the children do 3 each.

They can use calendars on their phones to remind them and they did when they were much younger. I raised two sons who can cook, clean, do laundry because Dh is also is fantastic at this sort of stuff too. Dh even has his own preferred hoover which is a Shark, I prefer the Dyson cordless. You just have to not put up with any shit right from the get go not that that was an issue with Dh, I meant I was all over the children about laundry in the basket from when they were toddlers.

I never did things for them, if they left something out it didn't matter if they were in school when they came home they were made to move it or put it away, it is the only way they learn. I wasn't going to clean up after four people, only myself.

Of course they can see it, their eyes are not different to ours, they just feel that dealing with it is beneath them or 'women's work'.

Women that say 'they just can't see it' are either deluded, stupid or using it to make themselves feel better about being tied to useless men (and I include their sons in this)

I just didn't want my kitchen to stink. You can't force someone to do something they don't feel they want to do. And I really can't be arsed to leave. I'm nearly 60 and in poorish health. I also have no money or energy.

Rubbish. It's the fault of the lazy man who can't be arsed to do house share of the jobs.

I agree completely.
It's then for the women to decide if she will put up with it. A large number of women do.

Men are responsible for their behaviour.
Women are responsible for their behaviour.

If he's commented on it, he's seen it. He thinks it's your job.

Some don't do this, my husband over buys toothpaste and he washes all the clothes and takes out all the bins in our house.

I don't 'see' this stuff either.

Change the question. It's not why don't men see it, but why do women see it and feel the compulsion to 'do' these tasks?

Why are women judged on house cleanliness but not men?

Why do women say 'my housework' ?

Why do women call men's chores 'helping'?

It's a structural societal issue not something that will be solved on an individual basis.

Lots of them think it's your job, that's why.

I thought mine was nothing like this. As soon as I was married and pregnant he suddenly stopped being capable of any kind of housework. Any kind of responsibility full stop really.

Yeah, women are just better at thankless low-status menial things that require no actual skill at all but are never bloody done and that you don't get paid for. Men are just better at much more complicated things that get you status and recognition and money. Funny that.

dh doesnt even put his washing in the laundry bin
only when i take the washing and put it in the machine, or have turned it on, does he say He has washing!

I just wouldn't do any additional washing for him and say that sounds like a you problem! My DH does his own washing because I refuse to do it all!

Can I ask why you let him get away with it the first time he stopped doing whatever he did previously? Why didn't you pull him up and point out you were pregnant and where was the respect for his pregnant wife? Decent men do MORE when their wives are pregnant! Did you pick up the slack because you were pregnant and tired so it was easier to just do it than argue? And then you just continued to do it? Why, just why? It makes me so sad (and a little bit maddened) that women don't think they are worth standing up for and will let the men in their life be lazy for the sake of an easy life.

Of course, as I mentioned to another poster, I apologise if you are in an abusive relationship and daren't pull him up on it, I'm genuinely not trying to make you feel worse and please try and find the strength to leave. If he's just a lazy, self-important arse, then my first paragraph stands.

I agree.
Too many women appear to worry about things that don’t really matter and then are disappointed that their male partners don’t share the same concerns.

I don’t care if the laundry basket is full but I do want the bin emptied before it smells

Because they don't think it's their job. Because they are too important to do things for other people. Because they are selfish and allow to get away with it. Even the OP says they 'don't see it' in a kind of eye rolling, aren't they silly way. Than calling it what it is, appealing selfish behaviour of entitled sexist men. I personally think there should be zero tolerance of this shit.

I blame fathers of sons, for setting a poor example

Disclaimer: NAMALT

OP, it's misogyny, pure and simple. He thinks it's your job as a woman to skivvy after him

I tried to pull him up on it. But I was pregnant. And he shut me down pretty effectively. Made me think it was my fault. That if I could just learn to speak differently then he'd be reasonable.
Then child born and it all got exponentially worse.
He's gone now thankfully, but abuse creeps up on you bit by bit.
Until you are so deeply mired that you cannot see that there is a way out. Or even that you deserve a way out.
I always thought this would never be me. Yet it was. So I genuinely don't think anyone is immune.
In fact, sometimes it's the very fact that you don't think you'd even get caught in an abusive relationship that makes it more likely that you will.
Please try to be kinder with your comments. I'm out, but others may still be trying to find their way to the truth.