How can they not see the washing basket is full... and other things

[mysparkleismissing]

I don't understand how men can't see that the washing basket is full to bursting and just keep putting stuff into it.

Or say 'that bin really stinks' and walks away 'it really needs emptying'

Or goes to the shops to buy toothpaste for his forthcoming trip but none for the house (on the last dregs, none in the drawer)

So many girl friends say 'they just don't see it' but how!!

It is 😁

i mean I just wouldn’t be with someone like this ! Surely it doesn’t suddenly come up years into marriage? They must have been like this before

It always ends up being the woman’s fault. That’s part of the problem.

Men aren’t children. At some point, no matter how they were raised, they need to take some responsibility for their own behaviour.

DH and I have very different attitudes to housework.

Me - comfortably lived in, will do it when I feel it needs doing/can foresee it will need to have been done
Him - only sees untidiness, anything that will need doing in the future would be better done now
Me - if it hasn’t been done that’s fine, I’ll do it when I want/need to
Him - if it hasn’t been done that means she expects me to do it for her and I am being taken for granted
Me - washing basket is to hold dirty laundry
Him - washing basket should always be empty

Etc etc

Early in our relationship we learned to compromise, and most of the time it works. But crucially we don’t have kids who need stuff done for them.

I blame mothers of sons.

So it's a woman's fault that a man can't behave like a responsible adult?

*I don't understand how men can't see that the washing basket is full to bursting and just keep putting stuff into it.

Or say 'that bin really stinks' and walks away 'it really needs emptying‘*

Of course they see it, but for whatever reason the set up in the house is that it isn’t their responsibility. The gf/ partner/ wife always does it so it’s not the man’s problem how overflowing it is.

My DH is used to contributing to the running of the household so is well aware when the basket is looking fuller a wash needs to go on.

Sounds like a problem with men you know.

Everything is the fault of women, especially men's behaviour.

I don't know if it is just a male thing, maybe we are just better at these things

Please tell me you're a man because this is surely the rallying cry of the patriarchy: Women are just better at these things.

I am a woman. I do think a lot of men would just happily live in a pigsty it's like they don't notice

Actions must have consequences.

I agree not helped by some mothers not instilling things into their sons.

And what about the fathers who aren't instilling things into their sons?

Women aren't born with a duster in their hands, they learn how to run a home. It's not rocket science. Men can get to the moon but they can't wash their pants. It's an excuse and you've obviously fallen for it.

I wouldn't get past date number 2 with an entitled misogynist who thinks women are for servicing low quality males.
Knuckle draggers are unfuckable, wouldn't appeal to me whatsoever.

They do see it and know that it needs doing. But they think "the silly woman can do it because I'm too important for dross like that".

They're visual creatures when it comes to women but not when it comes to household chores they're not.

Odd that.

It's depressing that so many women accept this shit. Of course men can see drudgery, the shit, undateable ones just leave it for the women they hold in contempt to sort it.
Unless you're saying their penis is covering their eyes, preventing them from seeing anything, or his eyes work, but his big important man brain doesn't process chores that can be left for some woman to do.
Never accept such a crap, pointless misogynist in to your life.

Yeah I think if you blame parents you must also blame the father too surely?

In my house my brothers were older than me so my mum (single parent) expected them to do a lot more than me which meant they were doing a lot more in their teens than I was when I got their age. I’m a lot messier and untidier than both of them to this day, my mum spent so much time making sure her sons didn’t grow up like my useless Dad who can’t even boil an egg and then took her eye off her daughter a bit it seems lol tbf I think she knew I’d figure things out and I did indeed learn to cook before/during uni and while I’m still not the tidiest person I make an effort if anyone is coming around and when I lived in flatshares I pulled my weight too.

I think it’s about consideration too, some people are just plain inconsiderate and men are less bothered about coming across like that! I lived with a disgusting guy in a flat share who was clearly angling for me to clean up after him. He soon realised that wasn’t happening and thankfully I was able to move out of the pigsty within a few months.

I think because of what I’m used to I’ve always dated men who cook and keep a fairly clean house. If a man “can’t see mess” and depends on me to clean up after him he’ll be sorely disappointed 😬

I do think this will be important to me when I start dating again, that the man is clean and tidy. No way do I want to be picking up after a man

Really? You think women are just better at cleaning?

Honestly, because I don't care about it.

I'm prepared to live in a level of squalor that my DP isn't.

I don't care that the washings piling up, I've still got a load of pants and T-Shirts so I'm good. If DP and DD are running out, they can put a wash on. I'll chuck one on over the weekend when I'm running out.

I don't care that there's stuff on the stairs. I didn't put it there. I'd rather do a big tidy and put everything back in its home one evening rather than in dribs and drabs constantly.

On the other hand,
I hate a stinky bin so I'm straight on that, DP or DD would never think about it.

I like nice food so I do most of the cooking,
I hate mucky kitchen workspaces so they're all gleaming.

I'm the only one who seems to care if the house falls apart so I clean the gutters, re-grout the bathrooms, fix the broken fence

DP tends to spend a lot of time doing very surface level stuff daily, so never gets to anything more substantial. It's stuff that to me doesn't need doing daily, to me it seems a waste of time.

So I ignore it and do the substantial stuff instead.

Maybe. But it's something, in my opinion anyway, that takes years to be good at. Maybe a lot of men just haven't been in that situation where they've had to

I agree with this.

Maybe. But it's something, in my opinion anyway, that takes years to be good at.

Nah, it's not difficult. it doesn't take years to learn how to clean.

Maybe a lot of men just haven't been n that situation where they've had to

Doesn't mean they can't do it though does it?