How can they not see the washing basket is full... and other things

[mysparkleismissing]

I don't understand how men can't see that the washing basket is full to bursting and just keep putting stuff into it.

Or say 'that bin really stinks' and walks away 'it really needs emptying'

Or goes to the shops to buy toothpaste for his forthcoming trip but none for the house (on the last dregs, none in the drawer)

So many girl friends say 'they just don't see it' but how!!

I mean, my house was messier the younger I was. It took till my late twenties to have a tidy house all the time

"Men" don't, spoilt boys who don't respect their wives / partners do.

And I know I'm going to get a strip torn off me, but it makes me sad and angry because, amn I'm sorry to have to say it, but I'm afraid women ARE part of the problem. Mothers and wives / partners. How many threads are on here with Mums saying "My teenage son won't help round the house, I do all his cooking / washing / cleaning and he's just rude!" (So just STOP!!) or "My teenage son treats me like rubbish!" (Erm, that's because he was allowed to when he was 5, 10, 13...) or wives / partners saying "He's always been like that!" (So why didn't you do something about it before?) and "He's never changed a nappy" (why? the baby is HIS child too!! Did you not discuss things before you had a child?), or "He says it's not his job!" (And? Now it IS!) and "His mother always did it so he expects me to do it, so it's just easier if I do!" (No, no it's not!!).

NO, just no, from the very first date / first day living together / first day of marriage / first day of having a baby, why do women passively accept that their partner is crap? YES, of course men should be adults and just do it, but let's face it, many women just don't really challenge it from the get-go or try, but let it slide for an easy life. If from day one it's shape up or ship out then you will always have an equal partner. Or they can bugger off, better no partner than dead weight. We shouldn't have to, but clearly we do, so no point just complaining that they should just do it! Of course they should but why put up with crap because "we shouldn't have to spell it out"?! Sorting things out early on and setting out expectations (on both sides) saves a lot of grief later.

In my humble opinion.

NO!!!!!! That sheet is the payment for the Toilet Roll Fairy. They take it away and cut it into little squares for the TRF s to use. If someone uses it the TRF will never come to your house again. You must always leave one sheet on the roll.

(I thought every one knew this myth I have just made up.)

I fixed the bin issue,I hated it anyway because storing your refuse in the place where you cook is vile. One day, watching someone yet again ramming stuff down in it, I lost the plot and took the whole thing and dropped it in the dustbin. Problem solved. Some jaws dropped for sure but the dustbins a full 15 paces from the kitchen. There's a small compost bin for veggie bits and a 1k yoghurt pot for other tiny bits but I will never again find a used nappy from someone else's baby stinking out my kitchen

If mine does empty the kitchen bin he'll put the container back into the bin part without putting a bin bag into it, so then people start to use it without a bin bag 🤦🏻‍♀️

Some men really are dog lazy. I think they believe they're royalty or something and small domestic tasks are beneath them. Imagine having an ego that big, yet being ridiculously stupid to go with it. Dunning Kruger personified. If they were in the army they'd have it beaten out of them so I believe 🙄

That doesn't mean you couldn't have cleaned/tidied if you'd wanted to.
That's just a change of priorities rather than learning how to clean.

Have seperate washing baskets and stop doing his, he will soon learn to do some washing when he has nothing to wear.

Because you have enabled him to be like that.

But surely, the first time he did that, it became his job to clean it out? And if he did it again, it would have been his job again until he learnt not to do it again. Surely?

of course he can see it, he's just decided it's your job.

I have this with teens but not Dh. In a grown ass adult this type of behaviour would make me murderous it’s annoying enough with teens but they are work in progress.

They don't not see it....they just think they're too important to have to deal with it, it's not their job, and due to laziness cannot be bothered and so leave it for someone else (confirmed when that someone else does it so they know they can get away with it).

They do see it, they just choose not to.

My 16 year old DS sees it. Because I've brought him up to see it. I'm not the type of woman who will do everything around the house just because "it's easier" "it's quicker" or "my standards are higher".

I simply don't allow it. If he does a half arsed job of something, I make him do it again. Over the years he's learned that it makes sense to just do a proper job and do it straight away.

This is something that women (AND MEN) need to be teaching our sons. Stop bloody running around after your male family members because "it's easier" to do it yourself. Make life harder first to make it easier!

Well no, whoever finds the bin full is supposed to empty it. I keep on top of it usually and I do it properly, but sometimes I have to go out or I might be ill in bed or something.

They can they just don’t care.

The patriarchy, it’s seen as work for women or they really have far lower standards because and again it’s the patriarchy they don’t worry about being judged. I have found the only people who have ever talked about housework ioh are women. Never met a man who will worry he is judged.

When DH I moved in I laughed in his face when he expected me to write his families Christmas cards. But his Mother had always done it and had been a FT SAHP with a housekeeper as well till after he left for University. So he assumed I would do X Y and Z, he became enlightened at my insistence. If I hadn’t said away with your ways and just done it I’m sure he would have accepted it, to him it was the norm and who doesn’t want to skip chores. I mean I also hate them.

I actually spend time worrying about how the house will go to crap when I die 🙄 my poor little home 😭

I blame mothers of sons.

Blame the women who choose partners poorly. It's clear from the jump how useless men like this are, yet countless women make the choice to marry them, have children with them, and then are baffled and furious that their chosen man child never grew up.

Exactly. DH received ultimatum whilst I was mid breakdown juggling the kids and my own hospital visits. He now is rather independent and helpful. I was raised to believe the women do everything and take care of everyone.

No, I mean, when he forgot to put the bin bag in and someone else put rubbish in it, I assume he had to clean it out?

Of course they see it!

They just know Miss mug will eventually do it if they don’t.

If they lived alone they would do it but some men will only get with a woman to find a replacement mummy who does everything for him.

One of the things I look for in a man is whether he has lived alone.
That tells me he is independent and can share household tasks 50/50.

I've been intentionally not washing my son's clothes as much, and put a laundry basket in his room. He will say, I've no clean clothes to me and I'm just going well wash them. His room is a total mess but I've stopped doing that

”There’s no food” is my favourite.
No, there is loads of ingredients…

No, it just sat there and I had to then empty it again and clean it out. He didn't forget to put the bag in he just couldn't be bothered to do it.

But WHY? WHY did you clean it out? Why didn't you say, "You forgot to put the bin bag in and now there's crap in the bottom. Go and clean it out?!"

I apologise if you are in an abusive relationship and daren't pull him up on it, I'm genuinely not trying to make you feel worse and please try and find the strength to leave. If he's just a lazy, self-important arse, then my first paragraph stands.

I think to some degree it’s laziness, but some people just don’t seem to notice things. If I’m away, my partner will run out of certain things (including clean socks), because he doesn’t seem to register that he needs more until something’s actually gone and he looks for more. He also always assumes there are things in the cupboard, so if he knows there’s nothing in the fridge for dinner, rather than buy something on his way back just in case, he comes home and ransacks the cupboards/freezer.

It does seem to be a largely male trait, but I did once have a female housemate who expressed surprise when I said I was going to buy more of something because it was running low. She said it would never have occurred to her to buy more of something before it ran out. I said it would never occur to me to wait until something ran out to replace it!!!