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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

birthday party issue

75 replies

su3733 · 03/09/2024 14:18

Son turning 11 and we decided to splash out heavy this year as normally we don't but got such a glowing school report and seems to have a very good social life so we thought we would spend a bit this year.

We pre booked activities and a sports hall, cinema tickets and a restuarant reservation

Unfortunately it's all gone I admit it may be my fault I don't really have any relationship with the other parents and so It didn't even cross my mind to check weather anyone had booked party on same day which apparently is the first thing you check.

It turns out another girl had booked and paid for a party on same day and unfortunately she is devastated as all the girls have chosen to come to my sons as she is not the most popular girl which I now feel so awful as I've heard she's devastated.

My son is mad at me demanding I cancel everything and retract all the invites and tell everyone party's off then hopefully the girls will all attend the other party

I've tried to explain that we have spent a fortune and there's no guarantee if we did cancel that everyone would attend the other party but he's not budging saying he is not going regardless of weather I cancel or not

OP posts:
Favouritefruits · 03/09/2024 14:28

Contact the girls parents and have a joint party?

CherryValley5 · 03/09/2024 14:29

Don’t cancel. At 11 boys attending girls parties is unusual anyway.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 03/09/2024 14:29

Did you discuss it with your son first, ask who he wanted to invite and so on.

48Hourss · 03/09/2024 14:35

Did you discuss it all with him? Can you not just change your date?

Original poster
su3733 · 03/09/2024 14:44

Yes I asked him who to invite and he said just invite everyone and whoever wants to come and come he said he only expected half would come

OP posts:
MermaidEyes · 03/09/2024 14:58

Surely by 11 he invites a small handful of closest friends for a couple of activities? This whole party sounds like overkill. I can understand the girl being annoyed if people have accepted her invite then cancelled last minute.

myflightiscancelled · 03/09/2024 15:16

Make it a joint party?

Original poster
su3733 · 03/09/2024 15:22

I considered the joint idea but first of all i don't even know the girls parents and secondly I don't want to come across as insulting.

And to be clear I know the boys won't go to the other girls party but maybe the girls would

OP posts:
lanthanum · 03/09/2024 15:34

Very awkward. It might be worth trying to make contact with the girl's parents. They might be looking at whether they can rearrange hers as well. Yours sounds like about three parties in one, with activities and cinema and restaurant - maybe you could drop one part so that both can happen without overlap. Joint might work - they might not have the budget to go halves, so you might have to explain that you've budgeted for the whole thing anyway, so not to worry about that.

(Lovely that your son cares about her being upset, btw.)

Meditationgame · 03/09/2024 15:38

Approach the mum and talk with her. One of mine had a birthday on the same day as a popular kid and we had the same (although theirs was booked after our invites went out so I suspect in part theirs was spite). If they had approached us and offered to join forces I would have bitten their hand off.

heinzseight · 03/09/2024 16:20

How many cinema tickets did you actually book? Surely numbers are limited by that?

longdistanceclaraclara · 03/09/2024 16:22

How many tickets did you book and how many for the restaurant? You can just invite people and say see who comes!

beanii · 08/09/2024 18:02

At 11 ours only had 3-4 friends celebrating their birthdays.

By 7-8 big birthday parties were seen as babyish 🤣

3 options -

  1. carry on as normal
  2. see if a joint party is possible
  3. cancel or move date.
Holliegee · 08/09/2024 18:06

The party is booked,a lot of expense has gone into it and, children will choose who’s party they want to go to.

Alternatively, speak to the other family and try to work out a resolution.

Even if you cancelled the party there’s no guarantee the children will go to the other party.

TicklishMintDuck · 08/09/2024 18:07

It’s nice that he cares, but why is an 11 year old running the show? Tell him he can take three or four friends to the cinema and for pizza and be done with it.

Emmz1510 · 08/09/2024 18:09

Why is your son mad at you? It was an easy mistake and he sounds very ungrateful. I don’t think to check if other kids have parties booked the same day!
I would be looking to see if you could make it joint.
But if you can’t, it’s not really your fault that the girl isn’t terribly popular and that others have chosen to come to your sons party.
I can’t work out if your son thinks he is being kind to the girl.

NoLidlNoJoke · 08/09/2024 18:14

Emmz1510 · 08/09/2024 18:09

Why is your son mad at you? It was an easy mistake and he sounds very ungrateful. I don’t think to check if other kids have parties booked the same day!
I would be looking to see if you could make it joint.
But if you can’t, it’s not really your fault that the girl isn’t terribly popular and that others have chosen to come to your sons party.
I can’t work out if your son thinks he is being kind to the girl.

He doesn't sound ungrateful he sounds like he's upset that the girl is upset and possibly feels bad that his party was booked after hers so no one will go to hers.

OP I think joining parties is the best solution here.

SaffronsMadAboutMe · 08/09/2024 18:28

su3733 · 03/09/2024 14:44

Yes I asked him who to invite and he said just invite everyone and whoever wants to come and come he said he only expected half would come

The whole thread is a bit weird but even weirder that you'd be the one inviting his mates at this age.

IMustDoMoreExercise · 08/09/2024 18:35

Your son sounds lovely (but he shouldn't be mad at you).

I would have a joint party.

Ask your son to get the other parents' details.

peachesarenom · 08/09/2024 18:35

Offer a joint party, that's the kind thing to do x

Vabenejulio · 08/09/2024 18:37

Similar happened to us years ago! We ended up with a joint party and the birthday kids STILL reminisce about it! Parties are all about the vibe. Make it fun and inclusive and more the merrier and it’ll be great!

Marchingonagain · 08/09/2024 18:39

I think you should contact the venues etc and see if you can change the date of your son’s party

Lollypop701 · 08/09/2024 18:41

At 11 I was doing invites ! Tbh yours sounds like a fab party so I’m not surprised everyone wants to go tbf. try and change the date if you can.

If not I’d contact the parents and see if they want a joint party. Explain that you really didn’t expect this outcome but you son really wants to share a special day.

you need to discuss cost with your son and tell him that you can’t cancel it but you understand his feelings and are trying to mitigate it . Sounds like you have done a great job with him and he’s a lovely child

CuteCillian · 08/09/2024 18:41

The last party in year six has always been a whole class job around here- end of an era and all that.
Your DS sounds a kind soul. I would try the joint approach if you can contact the girls parents.

Scottsy200 · 08/09/2024 18:42

Shit happens, tell your son to stop being an ungrateful twat and let the other children go to whoever’s party they want to go too

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