birthday party issue

[su3733]

Son turning 11 and we decided to splash out heavy this year as normally we don't but got such a glowing school report and seems to have a very good social life so we thought we would spend a bit this year.

We pre booked activities and a sports hall, cinema tickets and a restuarant reservation

Unfortunately it's all gone I admit it may be my fault I don't really have any relationship with the other parents and so It didn't even cross my mind to check weather anyone had booked party on same day which apparently is the first thing you check.

It turns out another girl had booked and paid for a party on same day and unfortunately she is devastated as all the girls have chosen to come to my sons as she is not the most popular girl which I now feel so awful as I've heard she's devastated.

My son is mad at me demanding I cancel everything and retract all the invites and tell everyone party's off then hopefully the girls will all attend the other party

I've tried to explain that we have spent a fortune and there's no guarantee if we did cancel that everyone would attend the other party but he's not budging saying he is not going regardless of weather I cancel or not

I don't think you've done anything wrong. You've booked a party, sent out invites, they've accepted and the girl was slower than you to get organised. Shame but there it is.
Press on with your party- don't have a joint party as you don't know them and yours sounds expensive and you'll end up out of pocket.
If the other girl is worried about guests, she'll change her date or invite others.

I don’t think this is your fault at all. You didn’t know about the other party, so I’m guessing that means your son wasn’t invited? Has the other girl just invited the girls? In which case could you talk to the parents and say you didn’t realise there was another party so your DSs will be boys only?

Speak to the girls parents before you do anything, you don’t want to go to the trouble of cancelling or rearranging if they have already moved theirs, you might end up with another date clash! I think your son is being really kind and you should follow his lead here.

So an 11yr old boy is showing empathy to a less popular girl and you call him an ungrateful twat. Nice.

I'm actually disgusted at the comments referring to your son as demanding or an ungrateful twat! He sounds like a lovely boy who is genuinely upset at the thought of the other girl having noone at her party which honestly is soo sweet because not alot of 11 year old boys would be considerate !

I wouldn't cancel it nor would I propose a joint party. I wouldn't beat yourself up about it, because they didn't reach out to check dates either?! Just carry on as normal.

Utterly silly idea to splash out like that for an 11-th birthday party. So unnecessary. It is his job to study well. So he demands, does he? See what lavishing of things on a wee smout does?

Seriously?

That reminds me of an episode from Arthur where the main character and the spoilt rich girl in his class were both having their parties on the same day. It caused such a rift between the friends that they ended up arranging a joint party to celebrate both of them.

I definitely think this is the best idea.

Also OP your son sounds such a kind soul, not many boys his age would feel bad for her and ask to cancel to let her have a party

Get your son to ask the girl if she wants a joint party with him and take it from there.

WTF 🙄

I think your Son is being kind and trying to be considerate of the girls feelings.

Can't believe the horrible comments about your son - he sounds very kind unlike some of the - I'm alright Jack's - on this thread! Like a previous poster suggested maybe he could ask the girl about a joint party ?

Those name calling the OPs son on this thread, bear in mind there's a good reason he is evidently very popular with the other children, and it's not because he's an ungrateful anything!

Honestly, some of the comments on this thread! “Ungrateful twat” “it’s his job to study hard” “wee smout” seriously people is that how you carry on in real life?? 😣😡

I don’t think you can go girls only now, as the uninvited girls may take it out on the other girl which would make it worse. A joint party, or adjusting the timing to allow children to attend both would be kind.

If your son wasn’t invited to her party now were you to know there was one on? It’s a shame but it happens, the whole birthday party thing from primary is something I don’t miss. I don’t know what I’d do, but if I lost all the money I wouldn’t be rearranging another date.

Also if my child had already said yes to someone’s party, that’s the party they’d be going to. I wouldn’t let them change if a better invite came along

I'm confused - what did you base the numbers for the booking of the activities, cinema and restaurant on? Is it all on the same day? It's going to be exhausting for all concerned, surely?! Amongst my son's friends it might be two of the options you've given but not all - maybe if you go ahead you can cancel one element of it and save some money?

In our experience of primary school - yes. Full class parties stopped at around age 7/8, after that typically the boys and girls had smaller parties and did separate things.

That’s not my experience of any of our family, my 2 sons, my 3 nephews, 2 nieces & x7 kids of my cousins all throughout the UK. Both boys & girls all hang out together & go to each others parties all throughout Primary & Secondary school. The youngest is currently 6 & the eldest is 23 & it’s been the same for all of them. Never heard of segregation for parties & friendship groups even from when I was a kid inc my brothers & sister & all my cousins ranging from ages 53 down to 22. It’s seems very weird to me for them to be separated by gender, never known it

Your son has a heart of gold by the way, you should be so proud that he is willing to do this. You should try and do something for the girl so she can have her party. Your son doesn’t want this guilt

Who has whole class parties at 11???

Jeez, it's like 4-5 MAXIMUM.

.

Your son sounds lovely. It is to his credit that he is concerned about this girl's feelings, even if he is not expressing it correctly.

The best thing to do is to talk to the girl's parents. There will be a way for both children to have a fun party (whether joint or separate) but you won't know the best way to resolve the situation until you discuss it with them (joint party/they move their's etc.).