birthday party issue

[su3733]

Son turning 11 and we decided to splash out heavy this year as normally we don't but got such a glowing school report and seems to have a very good social life so we thought we would spend a bit this year.

We pre booked activities and a sports hall, cinema tickets and a restuarant reservation

Unfortunately it's all gone I admit it may be my fault I don't really have any relationship with the other parents and so It didn't even cross my mind to check weather anyone had booked party on same day which apparently is the first thing you check.

It turns out another girl had booked and paid for a party on same day and unfortunately she is devastated as all the girls have chosen to come to my sons as she is not the most popular girl which I now feel so awful as I've heard she's devastated.

My son is mad at me demanding I cancel everything and retract all the invites and tell everyone party's off then hopefully the girls will all attend the other party

I've tried to explain that we have spent a fortune and there's no guarantee if we did cancel that everyone would attend the other party but he's not budging saying he is not going regardless of weather I cancel or not

It's probably because he's thoughtful and empathetic. Contrary to what is often said imo, popular people are generally so because they are nice to be around and make others feel good about themselves.

Your son deserves praise; he has developed compassion and empathy and that should be rewarded.

Ideally you’d have checked if there was anything else on the cards for the date you’ve booked; lesson for the future.

Agree contact the other family and suggest a joint party.

Except the other girl booked her party and sent out invites first! Presumably she's upset because people who said yes they'd go are now saying actually we're going to the 3 in one no expense spared party (probably because they think they'll have the expensive party bags)

Your son sounds very kind that he's worried for the girl.
We have just booked a party and have never checked if anyone has booked the same date. With 60 kids in a school year, how would I do that?
Unless your son is great friends with the girl, why would you want to join parties?
Maybe see if your date could be swapped? If not and you'd loose money, well you did try.

Your son sounds like a very empathetic lovely young lad and you should be proud he's so worried about this girls feelings maybe discuss the possibility of a joint party if he's up for that then approach the other girls parents you're already paying a shed load anyway and they may be grateful to save some money over your faux pas and only need to provide a cake for her OR see if you can change the date to the weekend after/before

How can you book cinema tickets, restaurant etc without any confirmation of who’s coming? Were you just potentially over-booking and accepting there might be money wasted? I like the idea of a joint party if that’s do-able. Not your fault though, double-booking! Although maybe your son had an inkling another party might be about to happen and could have found out sooner.

Well it’s all rather a moot point isn’t it until you’ve actually rung the places and established whether you cancel. I’d imagine they’d be happy to move the date, surely, assuming it’s not terribly last minute.

FWIW I think it’s lovely that your son is so upset about having unintentionally messed up this other girl’s party. I think a joint party is a rubbish solution though, as it doesn’t sound like there’s much connection between the two kids and their groups if friends. Just sounds forced and awkward to me tbh.

As for him being mad at you…I presume he thinks that if other parents all manage to check the dates beforehand then you should have too? And/or that maybe you should have consulted him as to etiquette? Did you book it all without checking with him…?

I’d be generous and say the party is a joint one for both but you pay the bill unless the girl’s mum wants to donate as well. I feel very sorry for the poor girl otherwise.

Brilliant idea, do this!!

Could you make it a joint party? If you explain to her parents that you didn’t know about her party, I’m sure they’ll understand.

You should be very proud of your son. Putting the girl before himself. Very mature and more emotional intelligence than many here. Hope you manage to get it sorted.

You cannot be for real?

You booked a sports hall, activities, cinema and made restaurant reservations (for half a class so 15 kids? Or for 30 kids?) without checking availability?

The parents of the people who have already accepted the other girls invite are showing poor form by letting them opt out.

You are showing poor form just to expect everyone to be available.

I feel awful for the other girl.

I think you need to ask your son what he wants. I don't care if you don't know this girl's parents- talk with them come up with a solution.

Kudos to your son for caring about another child's feelings. You've raised a good one there.

I would see if you can have a joint party I did this one year

According to your son you have two choices, cancel, or combine. Be proud that you raised such a great kid!

We did whole class right through primary as we held them at home. But agree most were a few friends by Year 6. What has the girl's family booked, could they change that?

Definitely contact her parents - someone must have a number for them. Talk through solutions together. Good luck!

My DC party clashed with an event being held by someone else. We ended up just including their event in ours. It was actually suggested to me by a Mum of a kid who wanted to do both.

I would suggest this to your DS.

Are you ok?! He is willing to cancel his own party because it's ruined somebody else's. He himself is not expecting or wanting any "lavishing" and studying well has absolutely nothing to do with this or anyone else.

Aren't you a foul mouthed disgrace.

He sounds like the sort of kid the world needs more of. I hope you find a solution that you're all happy with but as a parent I'd be so proud of I were you.

Isn’t she! She must be a lovely mother herself.

What a treat you are 🙄

The joint party sounds nice in theory but the other family might struggle to pay 50% of a whole class party with sports activity, cinema and restaurant. I certainly wouldn't have wanted to pay that amount for an 11th birthday party!

Your son is an absolute diamond, willing to give up all that big party because a girl, and a not particularly popular girl would have her party ruined… he deserves another party or two just for that what a grown up and empathetic choice for a child his age. That’s not ungrateful in the slightest it’s thoughtful and selfless

Your son sounds like a gem. I would try and talk to the other girls parents and see what they/she would like to do. I would also talk to the venues you have booked and see if there is any chance they could move the date? Like I know in theory they won't but they might. Presumably if the girl's invitations have just come out, there is still a while before the party. Generally deposits are there so that:

1. If people cancel after the venue has bought anything for the event, they don't lose the money for it.
2. If the venue has budgeted to get that money at that point they still get some of it.

If the clash has only just been realised then, presumably one set of invites has only just gone out which must mean there is still reasonable time before the party. The venue might think they could re-fill the spot. Even if they can't, your party would still move into an otherwise blank spot. The venue would have bought anything perishable yet, so anything they have bough for your party could just be kept until the new date.