Friend should pay me back?

[sneezethemoment]

There was a discounted spa deal for two people and so I paid and friend said she’d pay me back.

Then she got asked to go on holiday and said she couldn’t make it anymore, but she’d still pay and I should take someone else. I asked a different friend, we went, had a nice time.

Original friend came back from holiday and said she’s not paying me back and should get the money off the person who went.

Not at all, a key stage 1 SAT exam is more complicated than your OP and even then a 7 year old who didn't know the answer would just make a random guess between the options available rather than invent a holiday that didn't happen and a third friend who didn't exist.....

I’ve had the exact same situation @Ohcrap082024 I had theatre tickets for an event in east London , somehow got locked in my bedroom in south London - faulty door don’t even ask - and my flatmate was out.

I wasn’t able to get out for hours, so I told my two friends who were going to find a third person to go for free. It was a no-brainer for me.

If I had wanted reimbursed for it I’d have to have said that in advance - and also faced the likelihood that no-one would buy it so it would go to waste completely!

I can’t believe that the friend who went didn’t pay! What a CF. Is this a reverse?

How is she a CF? 🤭 the trip was offered to the second friend on the basis that she go free. She accepted. What’s the problem?

She did nothing wrong and nor did OP.

I’m not a flaky person but I’ve paid for things in advance that I’ve had to pull out of and I’ve been happy to go ahead and pay for my agreed share, irrespective of whether the person is going to find someone to fill my space or not. If someone does want reimbursement they have to open their mouth
and say that BEFORE the other person finds a replacement and attends said event.

You can’t just say one thing and then do a 180. Completely unacceptable.

Friend made a promise to pay not once but twice& willingly agreed to pay alongside offering someone else to take their place. Regardless as to who went or didn’t, she’s not kept her side of the deal! I’d be really annoyed!

Ive had to pull out of gigs before, I tell friends to give my ticket to someone else who will get enjoyment from it, I don’t expect the money back. If someone didn’t fill the place it would be a waste of money!

OP didn't decide first friend should pay for a second friend. OP said first friend said she'd pay her back then told her she'd still pay but could not go so to take a second friend hence OP asked the second friend on the basis she would not have to pay because the first friend said she'd pay.

I have had a very similar situation with theatre tickets, although I'm very lucky that my friend does pay as soon as I've booked and told her how much hers cost.
She managed to double book herself and told me to find someone to go with. A mutual friend couldn't make it so I went with a neighbour who did offer to pay but I declined on the understanding that she would drive.
Another time DH made some plans for a long weekend which involved travelling on the day we had other theatre tickets for. I asked my friend to take someone else and made it clear that I wasn't expecting any money towards the ticket. She took our mutual friend who thoroughly enjoyed the performance but would definitely not have been able to go if she was expected to cover the cost.
We both work on the principle that if we mess up/ change plans then we want the other to be able to enjoy the performance without us.

The friend who went might not be a CF. If someone said to you "I have a spare ticket for this show. It's paid for by other friend who can't go. Would you like to come?" surely you'd assume it's paid for. They might not know other friend has not paid yet.

@sneezethemoment what makes you think @redtrain123 didn't understand your post?

Has she transferred the money yet?if she hasn’t you should say please do so by [insert date] I’d give her until Friday.

I’m not the poster but I assume it’s because the answers to most of those questions are outlined in the OP?

Then she got asked to go on holiday and said she couldn’t make it anymore, but she’d still pay and I should take someone else. I asked a different friend, we went, had a nice time.

So it’s pretty clear that friend 2 went on the basis of it being a free holiday after friend 1 assured Op, someone else could take her place and she’d still pay. She didn’t say she’d pay OR OP could take someone else. She said “and”.

And there’s no reason for friend 1 and 2 to split the costs, when friend 1 promised to pay and friend 2 accepted and went on that basis It’s obviously to late to ask for her a contribution now.

The other questions seem irrelevant, whether friend 2 can afford it or would have paid or not she already accepted on the understanding she wouldn’t be paying (based on what friend 1 said) so they can’t change the terms retrospectively.

Why are they a CF??

Friend 1 had TOLD the OP that they would still pay and to take someone else.

On that basis the OP might have taken someone who could not afford to pay and if they knew they needed to pay for it they wouldn't have been able to go.

If Friend 1 had said "I'm happy to pay UNLESS you find someone else to go" e.g. someone else pays then that's a different scenario, but it's NOT what @sneezethemoment said.

@Mil3nnial because the issue is payment of a spa day, not payment of a holiday

THERE WAS NO FREE HOLIDAY.

i can’t cope with this thread anymore. If people have trouble understanding the basics of this then there’s no point.

People on here just love going against the OP, sad little lives.

@sneezethemoment some are being deliberately obtuse.

YANBU, she promised to pay even although she couldn't attend.

I think as she said it she should stand by it but that you should have got the money off her first.

You didn't and someone else went so I can see why she would be reluctant now if you weren't alone and someone went in her place.

Bit different if substitute friend can't afford it but if she can, I think she should pay as she enjoyed the day. I wouldn't actually expect a friends friend to sub me just because she had said something a bit stupid to someone else.

If she said she would pay then morally she should, but id feel abit of a arse asking her to cough up if somebody else enjoyed the place.

Can the person who went afford to pay?

She must of felt bad at letting you down and said she would pay in the heat of the moment.

I suppose it comes down to is it work staining a friendship over.

What holiday? 🙈

@sneezethemoment your friend sounds mean. I presume friend 2 only went because it was free.

But you should have realised it was massively unfair to expect her to do that?!
Fair enough if you couldn’t fill the spot, but why the hell should she pay for another of your friends to go free? If you wanted to offer your friend a freebie you should have paid for it yourself!

Because she said she’d pay me back and to find someone to fill her spot?

She was trying to be thoughtful/ polite - you took advantage.

How in the world did I take advantage?

We both wanted to go to the spa. It was a deal so had to be purchased together. Which I bought in good faith.

She decided to go on holiday last minute and couldn’t make it, still no payment back and said I’m still going to pay you back for it and take someone else with you.

Really missing how I took advantage here?

But she’s thoughtful and polite by not paying me back in the first instance, then cancelling last minute and then saying she’ll still pay and insist I take someone else to get again go back on her word? And this is thoughtful?

I think the problem here is you are really failing to see the other side.

yes it was thoughtless of her to cancel at the last minute after you had bought her a ticket. She felt bad so said “I’ll pay you back- take someone else”. That was the right thing to say. If you hadn’t been able to fill her spot , then she should absolutely pay you back rather than leaving you out of pocket, but since you were able to replace her, the replacement should have paid. Theres no reason for her to pay for a day out for you and your friend - she just didn’t want to leave you in a tough spot hence the offer . You took advantage of the situation by expecting her to pay even though you found someone else to go with. Politeness and consideration goes two ways. If I were your friend I wouldn’t have said anything and would have paid you back anyway because I said I would, but I would have thought it was cheeky tbh. (Unless there’s a reason why friend who went really couldn’t afford to pay and there was no one else?)

Morally the friend who was originally going should pay, in the basis that she said she'd pay, regardless of whether she went.

Logically, the friend that did go should pay.

If the original person didn't want to pay, she shouldn't have offered to do so.