Friend should pay me back?

[sneezethemoment]

There was a discounted spa deal for two people and so I paid and friend said she’d pay me back.

Then she got asked to go on holiday and said she couldn’t make it anymore, but she’d still pay and I should take someone else. I asked a different friend, we went, had a nice time.

Original friend came back from holiday and said she’s not paying me back and should get the money off the person who went.

Because whoever filled the space was doing OP a favour. It's not the same as being the person originally planning this with OP and agreeing to split the costs. When that person bailed, they owed the OP the costs and wanted the space filled so OP wouldn't be alone. The new friend didn't plan a trip to a spa. They were offered a freebie so the OP wouldn't be alone after the first friend let her down and owed her the costs and agree to cover them. I don't know what's so hard to comprehend about this? Sure the second friend could be nice and offer a contribution, but they are in an entirely different role to the first friend and there was never and shouldn't be an onus on them to pay for a thing they didn't choose.

You and your friend are both in the wrong.

You are in the wrong for booking without getting payment from friend first. (I’ve learnt this lesson too). You could have asked the friend you took in place to pay towards the ticket, even if it wasn’t the full whack.

Your friend is wrong for not paying you back, going on holiday and then refusing to pay despite saying she would.

Forgot to add I’d probably be considering my friendship with this friend as the way she has acted isn’t fair. She didn’t pay you back, told you to take someone else and then complained about paying you even though she said she would.

I’m glad I’m not your friend. You absolutely should have asked the 2nd friend to pay or postponed the whole thing to get both ur money back. Awful friend.

If I'd been offered a free trip, went, and then was asked to pay, I'd say no and think you were a CF.

Friend 1 is in the wrong, and you should stop paying for her, obviously. And other people. Lesson learned.

Gosh I'm glad some of you are vt my "friends"

A normal person would have said: I'll pay my share if you can't find someone who will go with you and pay half.

She offered to pay so in theory she should. Ask the friend who did go if she will pay. Otherwise you learned an expensive lesson

Are you sure she didn't mean that she would pay if you couldn't find someone else to take her place? Since you did find someone it is reasonable for that person to pay.

You do realise that the Friend 2 might only have agreed to attend last minute because it was free, but might not have otherwise been able to afford to go. It's much easier to find someone willing to fill a free space than to find someone willing to pay. Friend 1 is absolutely the unreasonable one who reneged on her commitments, twice.

I'm sure most people reading are equally glad that with your way of thinking you're not their friend.

@Brefugee just reread and think I may have misunderstood your post. If so - sorry about that! On second read you might be saying that Friend 1 should have been clearer from the outset rather than just refusing to pay. But I don't think the OP should ask Friend 2 to pay as that would be really cheeky.

Yeah I'd not ask the 2nd friend for the money but my friendship with the flop would be over with. If you say you are paying then that's that

I think it's a tough one as friend one should not have said she would pay and the not pay

I assume it was on that basis you told another friend they could go and other friend would pay, however, you should perhaps not have done this without payment first IYSWIM

On the other hand it does seem odd for another friend to go and the first friend to pay and I bet she said it to be polite. I still think she's wrong to do that.

Friend 1 made the commitment to go to the spa. They dropped out of that, and in recognition of their flakeyness, invited OP to take friend 2 which friend 1 would still pay for. Friend 1 should absolutely pay for this. If friend 1 hadn't offered to pay, OP might have sought a refund, friend 2 might not have accepted the spa day if they had been asked to pay for it etc.

Hell would freeze over before I asked friend 2 to pay for something which was offered to them as a freebie. That said, if I was friend 2, I would have offered to pay or at least contribute in some way before accepting the freebie.

I'd respond to friend 1 and let them know that as they're going back on their word (after already going back on their commitment) you are having to pay the full cost of the spa day. How they respond to that should guide you on keeping or ending this friendship!

Doing the OP a favour???
Oh give over 😂😂😂

I'd not be friends with the person who asked you to pay and said she'd pay you back anymore and I'd let other friends know what she did so they could avoid similar incidents.

Second friend only went because it was a freebie.

Erm. Because that's what she agreed to do

If I'd come along as second choice, don't worry it's all paid for - lovely, thank you! I wouldn't expect to pay on a deal that no show friend reneged on.
Def #1 should pay.

First friend should pay, that was the promise. I'm surprised how many are saying otherwise. Maybe friend number two wouldn't have been interested if it wasn't free. Honestly, if I was friend two I would have offered, but sometimes you do things in order to appease a friend, but she may not have been super interested. It may have changed her decision if she knew from the start it wasn't free.

The friend that couldn’t go, should absolutely pay if you couldn’t use her spa day. However, when a new friend came, the new friend who is enjoying the spa should morally have paid, and it would all be sorted.

It’s annoying for the first friend to go back on her offer, but it’s very fucking cheeky for the second friend to expect a free spa day

The second friend didn't expect a free spa day. She was offered one, because the first friend said she would pay for it.

If the first friend had said "I can't go but will obviously pay for it. If you can find someone else to go with you who's happy to pay for it though that would be ideal!" then I don't think OP would have written this thread.

So basically you think friend 2 should learn an expensive lesson rather than OP or friend 1, who is the one at fault?
i.e. that if someone offers you something for free it's fine for them to then ask you for payment afterwards?

I literally can't understand all the posters who think friend 2 should be asked to pay. If you entered a competition and won a brand new car, drove it around for a few days and then got a phone call saying 'You owe us £40k for the car,' surely you'd laugh in their face?

I'm not sure exactly what the cactus is supposed to signify but ok....

I think you will find that opinion is different to facts.

you are, of course, entitled to an opinion (that friend 1 should pay). I can disagree with you but neither of us can objectively be said to be wrong, even if I think your opinion is morally wrong.

but that is completely different to disputing the facts - which is what you are doing by making up a third friend that doesn't exist and a holiday friend 2 didn't go on. The point of the DISCUSSION (sic) is to DISCUSS the scenario the OP presents, not a completely different one that didn't happen.

Anyone with a shred of self-respect would just say 'Oops, I completely misread that, my mistake, but I still don't think Friend 1 should pay.' Continuing to insist that your completely made up version of events is right without any evidence to support it just makes you look vaguely unhinged and incapable of basic reading comprehension.

I think you need to chalk this up to experience.

Your friend should have said if you can't find anyone else to go and pay then I'll pay.

The other friend who did go should not be asked now because it's too late and there was no mention of her having to pay before going.

As if someone reported @PoopedAndScooped comment 😂 🌵