MIL buying absolute tat for the children - AIBU to throw it away?

[AutumnPlease101]

MIL is well renowned for buying absolute tat for the children, she has no clue what they actually like so ends up just buying them whatever, even after I’ve told her to stop.

For example, one of my children has additional needs and really hates writing or holding a pen/pencil etc, but she repeatedly buys colouring books/writing pads even after I’ve told her how much it stresses him out and to buy him sticker books instead - something he enjoys and will actually use (and no she’s not buying it to be helpful or try and teach him how to write etc).

We have also moved house and have literally no storage space and the children’s new rooms are 1/3 of the size they used to be - we just don’t have space for all the crap she keeps buying. She keeps on saying that she wants to buy them things, so I’ve suggested things that will actually be helpful such as sensory toys or things like that, but she still keeps buying all this other stuff instead.

AIBU to just throw it all away now, especially since I’ve told her so many times and she’s not stopped?

Regift what you can. Colouring books and pencils and things could be useful for kids birthday party presents if you have kids that age?

Could you suggest that now you've moved house and really have no storage space for any more stuff at all then maybe she could put whatever she was going to spend into a savings account or premium bonds instead ?

Regift or sell if possible, could the kids do a yard sale for example?

Definitely don't keep it. Invent a friend and keep telling MIL how grateful she was for the stuff she bought. It's about her and not the children.

Throwing it away is unreasonable. Regift or take to the charity shop

I use olio a lot to give away un needed items as there's usually someone who can use them.

Could your OH not have the conversation instead of you?

Can the items she buys stay at her house?

Donate to the charity shop if you don't have time to sell or regift.

We don’t have anyone to regift it to, a lot of the charity shops have closed down local to us and I don’t have the space to store it to sell etc - we live in an elderly population area, I don’t know how popular a kids toy yard sale would be. I’ve also mentioned to her about savings etc, she just said oh I can’t resist actually buying stuff. She lives in a one bedroom flat so no space to keep it there either.

Get rid of the stuff they really won’t use- regift it, donate it, whatever. I’ve been doing that for years with my kids and stuff I knew just by looking at it, they’d never use/wear/play with. It was always the same “well meaning” people who gave them the unwanted stuff and who complained the children didn’t seem over the moon with the gift. I would politely and kindly explain why that was and they’d be miffed and do it all over again. Their money they’re wasting 🤷‍♀️

If they are school age the school might take colouring books off your hands, especially if they have a breakfast or afterschool club.

You are indeed OK to move stuff you don't have anyplace to store on.

I think grandparents like to be associated with a small treat, and a thing if sweets has gone out of favour for obvious reasons. But you really need to say her 'can't resist' treat is making your child feel crap as its thing they can't do and they are starting to associate a crap feeling with her.

We had to get an aunt to stop buying books for pur child who can't read this way.

Is there a local food bank that might take it?

Or buy a couple of shoe boxes and keep adding to that; there are always lots of Christmas shoe box appeals.

My mil learned early on not to buy my kids tat.
I was know by dh as the charity shop queen.
I didn't care (it's my way of giving back).
She was definitely quantity over quantity.
We had Christmas for the family at ours once - I decided it would be good for the kids to all open grandma's..,,,.. my kids got decent stuff but other 3 cousins just got a mountain of crap.
No one noticed - they were just tearing paper off , dumping the present , and on time next.
Dad used ti call it hover fodder.

Op give it time school - they'll use it.

It's not about your children
It's all about them / mil / grandparents- it's their gratification, but I think you know that.

Try angelo door stop collection or just bin them if you don’t have the time.

Sometimes the tip has a section where you can leave stuff for donation. Please don't just throw it away and let it end up on a landfill without anyone ever even using it. Go to the next town to drop it off at a charity shop if you don't have any near you.

Lots of charities will collect OP. Some put bags through the door.

Can you collate a wish list on Amazon for example and send it to her. Ask her to buy from the list.

The Salvation Army and other organisations do Christmas boxes for children. There are also appeals for gifts to donate abroad. You could try a foodbank or a domestic abuse organisation, they sometimes do children's gifts.

If the toys remain unopened you can donate them to a women's refuge, a children's home, a hospital children's ward...lots of places other than charity shops. Soon there will be organisations collecting for unprivileged children for Christmas, or those who are in hospital over Christmas. Supermarkets and other shops will have trollies for toy donations. The writing stuff could be donated to nurseries or schools, groups like scouts or girl guides. Loads of options which will benefit someone rather than adding them to landfill.

As for your MIL going forward, your OH needs to have a talk with her about this. Suggest she gives vouchers or money instead, or pay for a day out for the kids. Let him sort it.

Wow no charity shops where do you live are high streets only have charity shops?

MIL does the same, it all goes on our local freecycle and is usually gone within the day.

I think the only way she will realise you mean what you say is to return the stuff back to her every time and see how she likes it clogging up her space.
Re-gifting or donating is fine but it won't solve your (her) problem of the buying of the stuff in the first place. It's just an extra hassle for you to have to deal with it.

There's a selection here OP:

The Salvation Army
The Salvation Army runs an annual Christmas Present Appeal to provide toys and gifts for children in need. They have collection points in various locations where you can donate new, unwrapped toys and gifts, which are distributed to families who need them. We do this every year – if you can’t afford to buy a gift, then simply donating gifts your own children haven’t used is fab too, just make sure the items are unused.
The Salvation Army have a helpful list of presents you can give:
0-3 years: dolls, teddy bears, cot mobiles, baby clothes, bath toys, CDs of suitable music and nursery rhymes, puzzles
3-5 years: cars, lorries, DVDs and CDs (music and nursery rhymes), colouring sets, pencils, crayons, books, puzzles, dolls and action figures
5-9: CDs & family friendly DVDs, books, puzzles, wordsearch, crosswords, educational games & toys and stationery
9-12: DVDs, books, t-shirts, hair accessories, gloves, scarves, hats, games and toys
13-16: make-up and toiletries (please try to ensure non-allergic ingredients if possible), books, gloves, scarves, hats, t-shirts, hair accessories and gift vouchers
For more information, and to find a local place to donate, check their website.

Barnardo’s
There are a few ways to help out Barnardo’s this Christmas – donate your pre-loved items to their charity shops to raise funds, volunteer your time, or send a cash donation through their website to contribute to their Christmas Toy Appeal to support disadvantaged children. Check their website for information on how to get involved.

Local Food Banks
Many local food banks, charities and community kitchens offer Christmas gift programs for families in need, so keep your eyes peeled to help out those in your local area. These programs often provide toys and gifts, as well as much needed food and essential supplies, to families over the Christmas period. See what’s running in your local area, and make use of supermarket collection areas when you’re doing your weekly shop.

Kids Out
Kids Out, working alongside Women’s Aid and other charities, help children who have had to leave their homes and stay in a refuge due to domestic abuse – often leaving everything they own behind. It’s super simple to help out – you can donate a toy to the Giving Tree via the Kids Out website. Choose from a pre-selected list, pay online and the charity will make sure that your gift is delivered to a child in need this Christmas.

Christmas Toy Drives
Keep an eye out for local Christmas toy drives – often organised by community groups, churches, children’s centres, businesses and hospitals. These events collect cash donations or children’s toys to distribute to families in your area. You could even go the extra mile, and help out as a volunteer too. Local social media groups are great place to see what’s going on – and are the perfect place to spread the word too!

Operation Christmas Child
Run by the charity Samaritan’s Purse, Operation Christmas Child asks people to fill shoeboxes with gifts for children, which are then sent all over the world. While it’s an international program, it’s also active in the UK. Since 1993, they’ve delivered gifts to a staggering 209 million children in over 170 countries – children who otherwise wouldn’t receive any presents at Christmas. But, get organised if you want to help, gifts are usually sent by early/mid-November – visit their website to find out more.

Family Action
Family Action go the extra mile to support families with the winter necessities, as well as making sure that children have a gift to wake up to on Christmas morning. They’re offering families in need practical and emotional support through food clubs, financial grants, FamilyLine, and their Christmas Toy Appeal. It’s super quick and easy to donate to their cause through their website.

My mother does this. I now tell her that the gifts need to stay at her house because we don’t have enough room. Thankfully, as a result, my dad has stepped in and it’s not as bad as it was.