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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

MIL buying absolute tat for the children - AIBU to throw it away?

65 replies

AutumnPlease101 · 31/08/2024 16:23

MIL is well renowned for buying absolute tat for the children, she has no clue what they actually like so ends up just buying them whatever, even after I’ve told her to stop.

For example, one of my children has additional needs and really hates writing or holding a pen/pencil etc, but she repeatedly buys colouring books/writing pads even after I’ve told her how much it stresses him out and to buy him sticker books instead - something he enjoys and will actually use (and no she’s not buying it to be helpful or try and teach him how to write etc).

We have also moved house and have literally no storage space and the children’s new rooms are 1/3 of the size they used to be - we just don’t have space for all the crap she keeps buying. She keeps on saying that she wants to buy them things, so I’ve suggested things that will actually be helpful such as sensory toys or things like that, but she still keeps buying all this other stuff instead.

AIBU to just throw it all away now, especially since I’ve told her so many times and she’s not stopped?

OP posts:
TeflonMom · 05/09/2024 22:01

My MIL does this. She loves shopping. It’s not for the kids, it’s for the pure enjoyment she gets from shopping. I just take the stuff now and put it straight on Facebook marketplace for free

nutbrownhare15 · 05/09/2024 22:03

AutumnPlease101 · 31/08/2024 16:33

We don’t have anyone to regift it to, a lot of the charity shops have closed down local to us and I don’t have the space to store it to sell etc - we live in an elderly population area, I don’t know how popular a kids toy yard sale would be. I’ve also mentioned to her about savings etc, she just said oh I can’t resist actually buying stuff. She lives in a one bedroom flat so no space to keep it there either.

There must be at least one charity shop you can drop it all off to

ManyATrueWord · 05/09/2024 22:06

If your mental health is so fragile you can't do anything else but throw them away, fine, chuck them. No one here knows how stretched you are. And then think seriously about getting some help.

Jk987 · 05/09/2024 22:23

Don't throw it away! Give to playgroups or charity.

Ask your husband to speak to her about it, she's his mother!

babyproblems · 05/09/2024 22:27

this is also a problem in our house op!!
i regularly chuck garden wind ornaments, cheap water pistols, children’s plastic tat from Lidl, recently a flashing dice, numerous fidget things. Half sets of Plastic cutlery (other half of set gifted to someone else!) Totally unnecessary and the toys are played with for 2 minutes then never again. Small house, already very full. Struggle for storage and keeping everything clean.

Moveoverdarlin · 05/09/2024 22:30

My MIL used to buy my children clothes that were just hideous. I would have them on Vinted before she was down the drive.

Normallynumb · 05/09/2024 23:07

If you know any of your older neighbours
Maybe their grandchildren would like them?
YANBU though

stayathomer · 05/09/2024 23:13

It’s a tough one because what’s tat to us isn’t to a kid and it isn’t to the person buying it. Yes regift if there’s no chance of them using it but otherwise it’s coming from a good place and probably not taking up the crazy amount of space we think anything we didn’t totally want them to have is!! Some of my children’s fave stuff are presents I would have thought of as tat and as my friend said to me we got a lot of tat we loved as children, it wasn’t intercepted and taken from us! (Although my mother got rid of all my comic, magazines and toys as I got older and I’m gutted she did it although I understood as I became her😅)

fishingoutofthewater · 07/09/2024 07:09

My mum is one of seven, all of whom bought my two daughters £10 gifts for Christmas and birthdays, while I was grateful, it was a lot of stuff to manage. I asked for money towards annual passes. We had the local country park one year, the local aquarium another and even Merlin passes for three years. I have also got the grandparents to pay for a private lesson for something and take them. We have done pottery, skateboarding and a few other bits. Perhaps you could suggest that instead of buying things, she pays for a treat each school holiday.

deviantfeline · 07/09/2024 07:17

@username44416 please don't promote Operation Christmas Child and OP please don't donate to them.

Soontobe60 · 07/09/2024 07:24

As these are presents for the children, then the children should be able to decide what to do with their gifts. I can’t think of anything worse than a child being given something and that item being taken off them and thrown away.
If the children don’t actually like those particular items maybe they could suggest to their grandma what they would rather have?
“Grandma, I really don’t like colouring books, please could I have sticker books instead?”
”grandma, could you get me a piggy bank please and instead of buying me toys could I save up the money as I’m saving for XYZ”

MollyRover · 07/09/2024 07:25

@deviantfeline why??

Hobbesmanc · 07/09/2024 08:42

deviantfeline · 07/09/2024 07:17

@username44416 please don't promote Operation Christmas Child and OP please don't donate to them.

Is it because they are a faith based charity? Our local
C of E primary did the shoe boxes last year? Their web site does look a bit evangelical but lots of positive charity work is done by faith groups

Parkmybentley · 07/09/2024 08:43

Yup tell her she can buy anything she wants but it has to stay at her house. Nothing comes over the threshold into my house!!!

deviantfeline · 07/09/2024 09:17

Operation Christmas child basically distribute the boxes in Muslim countries. They include a load of proselytising literature in it and families have to agree to attend missionary type conversion sessions.
Guy who runs it is particularly unpleasant too

emilyjoypoetry.com/7-reasons-not-to-participate-in-operation-christmas-child-this-year

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2018/nov/08/christmas-evangelical-christians-samaritans-purse-children-muslim-countries

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