To not want dp to go on stupid stag do

[Blipitydoo]

He goes on Wednesday. He went on a “lads holiday” last year and pretty much ignored me while he was there. Also found some texts between his mates saying how many “fit women” there was there. Childish

I can’t see what he’s doing wrong. It’s fair you should get a break too though. Can you not book some time away?

You or your friends have low standards then cos I disagree with this!

Let him enjoy his time away with his mates.🤷‍♀️

It would only be disrespectful if he said it to you.

I do not mean to derail.

But, if this is what men are like, what’s the point of being with one?
What is there to love in a creature like this?

To me this just sounds like a low bar.

Book a holiday with your friends.

Let him go happily and wish him well. Ask him to reciprocate so you can have fun with your friends while he takes his turn doing child care.

Take it then. DH and I have regularly taken separate holidays with friends

I disagree that men are like this. A certain kind of laddish man is like this. Lots of men aren’t.

If my DH and his friends were talking about “fit women” and going on a rowdy stag do I’d think they’d all had a personality transplant

Difficult isn't it. I wouldn't like it either.

Trust is a big thing here - you should never have to police anyone and frankly there is no point, that said, if he is happy to do things that make you anxious and are creepy (strip clubs, leering at women etc) then I understand why you are fed up about it.

It's too late now to intervene with this, so let's hope he is just impressed and easily led by peers (yes, not that attractive tbf!) but not a cheater - and instead make sure that when he is back you both have the chance to really talk about expectations, how parenting is affecting your relationship, support in the future, connecting and developing your relationship etc. (not who does more - that is never a winning game!)

People are always far too quick to say 'leave' without putting in the effort of proper conversation. Sort it out properly before it gets worse.

And if at all possible, try and do something nice for you, even if it is trashy tv and toast in a bed to yourself.

When does he get to tell you not to go on holiday?

Thank you.

I hate reading comments like I qouted, like that’s all men can be.

It’s good to hear there’s better one’s out there.

You just have to hope he has a look but dont touch approach.

But that’s also bas.
I wouldn’t want to be with scumbag like that.
Rather stay single with self respect.

How is it a low bar? Have you really never commented to a friend that a man is attractive or that there are attractive men in the vicinity?

How is he a scumbag? What’s he done wrong?

I do think that on a lads trip there is always going to be some who behave badly. I know a lot of blokes when they go to Amsterdam will go to a prostitute when they would never consider it at home.

I'd be getting myself a girls trip booked ASAP tbh, treat yourself.

No, I haven’t.

Well it’s a normal conversation, not deviant behaviour.

Do you ever go out with your friends?

You sound jealous.

And it’s either because you want a weekend away and feel it’s unfair that he gets to do this and you don’t,

Or because you’re a bit controlling and don’t want him leaving you.

Most people would be pleased their DPs are having a fun weekend away.

Do you think he’s going to cheat on you?

Guess I have been on the wrong dos then which have generally been of the sailing/paintballing/golf/go karting/shooting/rugby match variety with a lot of drinks and ending up in a curry house.

Have you never had texts between friends on someone being fit or likewise? It doesn't equal cheating. Why the hell were you snooping through his phone?

You're getting a hard time on here, OP. I get what you mean.

Of course it doesn't fill me with joy when DP goes on an all-male heavy drinking holiday in a party destination. It's not that I don't trust him, or that I want to keep him under lock and key - but given the choice, of course I'd rather they all went hiking or sailing or whatever instead!

If I were you I'd lower my expectations regarding contact (easier said than done, I know) and plan a really nice and busy weekend for yourself and your DC. Do you have any friends or family you could spend it with?

Why though? I don’t mean that in a rude way, but if you trust him why do you care what he’s doing?

A weekend away with friends would be OK with me, a stag do not. Same as I think hen weekends are awful incidentally and support anyone who has a thread about declining the expense or other reasons not to go.