Would you assume you're invited?

[InTheMiddleOfTheRoom]

My boyfriend/partner's brother contacted him midweek asking if he's free tomorrow. He said he was and they've arranged to go for a drink. He's assumed I'm included and is insisting I go. I'm assuming I'm not because I wasn't mentioned in any of the messages.

Boyfriend's sister in law will be there but they've been married for 20 years and so they obviously all know each other well. I've met his brother and his wife twice and very briefly.

Boyfriend won't clarify because he says it obvious I'm invited. I don't think it is.

YABU - of course you're invited

YANBU - I wouldn't assume I was invited unless specifically mentioned.

I woudn't assume it, no. I'd assume his brother just wanted to meet up with him.

However, I wouldn't agonise. I'd tell bf 'Text John and ask him 'Is @InTheMiddleOfTheRoom invited or is it just us?' if he wanted me to go. If he isn't prepared to do that, then I'm not prepared to go. What is the big deal in him just contacting his brother?

Knowing your DP's SIL will be there then yes, I'd assume you were invited

If brother and wife invited your DP for a drink, yes, I'd absolutely assume you are invited too. I find it quite odd that you're so reticent. MOst likely, they're keen to get to know you better. How long have you been dating?

I don't think you're invited because no one mentioned you. Your boyfriend is wrong to think it's obvious.

If the brother has said are you guys free or are you both free then I’d assume I was invited. If he said are you free to his brother then no I’d not assume I was invited. It sounds like it was just aimed at the brother.
But if the SIL is there too then I’d probably go along as well. I’d prefer it to be clarified that I’m invited but I’d probably still go anyway.

'Are you available tomorrow' he's invited
'Are you and the missus available tomorrow' you're both invited.
That's how I would see it

Depends on your family. In mine yes of course you are invited

You is plural too remember!

Do you know the SIL's number? I'd text her to ask.

No, do not do this. For lots of reasons.

1 You don't want to default into the person who has to clarify and sort out social engagements with his family

2 it's just weird. If you are invited it is your DP who brings you along. It's got nothing to do with SIl in this case and you'd just look weird.

If your bf wants you there then I would go

I wouldn't do that!!

I don't have her number anyway. I've met her twice and very briefly both times.

No he thinks it's obvious because they're both going.

I don't think it is because they dont know me.

We've been together for 2 years.

Interesting. The vote is pretty evenly split so its clearly not obvious!

If there address other partners there then yes I'd go, invited it not, he wants you there.
If there are no other partners then no I'd leave them to it.

I'm happy to leave them to it but he wants me there.

I would guess yes you are invited but I’d just get him to double check with brother.. although it kind of sounds like you don’t want to go anyway?!

I doubt they are asking your bf to go alone and sit with couples if you're together 2 years.

So get him to text to check! It will take 2 minutes.

Then that's all you need in order to go.
Get the glad rags on 😜

Do you live together? If you do the. I would say go if not I wouldn’t assume, how have you only met twice in 2 years?

If other partners are going then yes you are invited. We clarify in our group by saying ‘men too?’ Or ‘are the girls coming along too?’ Kind of thing.

But if you know there will be partners/wives going then yes of course you’re invited.

If they're both going then it's fine for you to go. If it's just the brothers stay at home. If it were for a meal in their house I would clarify.

Do you live together? If so, I would assume you are invited and “you” is plural because SIL is also going. If not, your BF should probably let them know.

What's the history, OP?

If you've been with your partner 2 years, is it unusual to only have met them twice, briefly?

He won't.

although it kind of sounds like you don’t want to go anyway?!

I'm autistic and not very comfortable in social situations generally. It's a lot harder if I'm even not sure I'm supposed to he there.

He's very sociable and doesn't always get it.

To him, it's obvious. My family are all ND and we would never leave anything open to interpretation.