Would you assume you're invited?

[InTheMiddleOfTheRoom]

My boyfriend/partner's brother contacted him midweek asking if he's free tomorrow. He said he was and they've arranged to go for a drink. He's assumed I'm included and is insisting I go. I'm assuming I'm not because I wasn't mentioned in any of the messages.

Boyfriend's sister in law will be there but they've been married for 20 years and so they obviously all know each other well. I've met his brother and his wife twice and very briefly.

Boyfriend won't clarify because he says it obvious I'm invited. I don't think it is.

YABU - of course you're invited

YANBU - I wouldn't assume I was invited unless specifically mentioned.

I find it really strange that people assume they're invited somewhere just because they're part of a couple.
If my name's not down I'm not going in!

"Boyfriend's sister in law will be there"
In which case I would assume that you are also invited.

"He just asked are you free at the weekend?"
'You' can be plural as well as singular.

Honestly, I think you should go. It’s a casual drink, not requiring explicit invitations. It’s a good chance to actually meet some of his family. And your bf would like you to be there.

If the brother's wife is going and your bf thinks you are then yes

If your bf was meeting his brother alone then I'd assume you're not

The wife is going. Your DP wants you there. Go.

Your partner presumably knows his brother better than you do. If he says you’re invited then you probably are. Families don’t always have to spell things out to each other.

No I wouldn't say so.

Even if you weren’t specifically invited by name, as his partner of 2 years I would assume you are welcome! And your DP clearly wants you to go, that would be enough for me.

In the nicest possible way, it sounds like you are overthinking this.

Your BF knows his brother better than you do. If he's sure you're invited from their conversation then trust him.

Since the OP posted in AUGUST chances are she's worked it out by now 🙄

Yes but did she go or not ?

I did go.

He still didn't understand it and said that, in his family, an invitation to someone automatically includes partners. It doesn't it in mine and I would find it very hard if I was never able to see my sibling alone because partners were always included.

I think it's just a case of accepting other peoples families are different but I did feel uncomfortable to begin with.