To censor DC's books?

[CSanDiego]

I've just been setting up an old Kindle for DD and going through and downloading "suitable" books from my library, with the intention of then setting it to only display the downloaded books. But... she's 12 now. Do I really need to still do this?

YABU - I let my 12 year old read anything
YANBU - some things (murder, rape, violence etc) a 12 year old doesn't need to read

I don't think books should be censored, no. I wouldn't stop her having access to the library etc

BUT

I'd start off with only downloading books you're happy for her to read. Let her know you have plenty of others if she's interested

It's tricky. I generally don't censor, but having said that, I draw the line at something like Colleen Hoover (and books of a similar ilk seem to be all the range on tik tok 🙄)

I think back to what I was reading and I don't think it did me any harm, but there wasn't the range of YA fiction back then that there is now!

I wouldn't

I waa reading lace at that age I dont think reading should be censored .

I would regard myself as quite a liberal parent and I would start by encouraging any kind of reading. At a slightly older age (14) DS wanted to read Trainspotting. After thought I allowed this, but not without some discomfort. However, with hindsight this was the right decision and he read much better without me applying censorship and after a few racier boundary pushing texts went for quite a good range of literature to the point I now borrow many of his books when he has finished with them. I was clear though that I would retain a veto and be clear what this would cover. For example, I would not have allowed DS to download and read Andrew Tate or anyone spewing out racist or misogynist bile.

Those people that wouldn't censor books why not? I am an avid reader and just thinking about some of the books I have read they have been far more scary than the movie version yet people wouldn't let their DC watch an 18 at 12

I'd only upload books that are age-appropriate. Banning people from reading books they already want to read is one thing; actively presenting children with adult-themed literature, that they haven't asked for, is quite another.

I would censor if my child was sensitive and would have nightmares about certain types of content.

I read Flowers in the Attic at that age so I’m not the best person to ask. Not sure how my parents would react if they knew what the content was like.

Ha I was going to mention Flowers in the Attic too!

I also read Stephen King, Shaun Hudson etc and other horror at that age and I turned out (relatively) ok.

but I agree with PP who said probably best not to present unasked for material. It she seeks them out and requests, that’s a different matter.

I didn’t censor books at 12. I did however talk to my daughter about why she might not want to read a particular book. We would discuss the elements she might find upsetting and then she could make a decision. It was rare she read something I cautioned against. It was generally something that was borderline and she could handle those particular elements.

we have always taken a similar approach to all media. She is a sensible child who understands her own limits so this approach works for her.

I'm open about censoring books that I know are too emotionally mature for my kids. Some books are upsetting or depressing. It's not so much about violence or anything specific, but the big ideas. I censor differently for each kid because their minds get hooked onto different things and are affected by different scenarios, and I listen to their arguments and sometimes change my mind. They've then come back to me and said they are stopping reading though because they can see why I was worried for them.

I was a voracious reader, and there were some things that scarred my mind because of how bleak they were, or how hollow they made the world seem. I believe that chimed too much with the kind of depression I was always prone to. I wish I'd known myself better and had someone to alert me to the risks.

The only book I stopped my daughter reading was “A Little Life” at the age of 16. I paid her back for it and told her she could have it when she turned 18.
I believe books and films or TV series that glorify the nastier sides of life need emotional maturity to be judged properly.
I also tried banning her brother from watching Breaking Bad at 15. He just asked a friend to download it onto a memory stick!
So IME parental censorship doesn’t always work and can often backfire. Parental guidance is a must, though.

No, I didn't censor books. I'm another one who read Flowers in the Attic and Lace as a teen - and also Lady Chatterley's Lover which horrified my grandmother and basically bored the shit out of me.

I think you have to be pretty determined to plough your way through an 'inapppropriate' book and fair play to you if you are that desperate to. It's not like watching shite on TikTok or easily accessible porn.

My daughter is 12 and loves horror, she's old enough to make a judgement on what she reads, obviously she knows she can't read 50 shades etc. We have open conversations on what the boundaries are.

I was thinking the other day, it's funny how books aren't age rated liked films... not that I'm overly strict with films but use common sense.

it all depends if your child is emotionally mature enough for certain books.
A lot of YA books are now for older readers really- what was scandalous back in the day would be considered ok now

I don't see that it's an 'either / or'.
Download the suitable books now. You can re-visit the decision in a year's time. Or she can borrow from the Library meantime, if she's that bothered.

Film classification doesn't jump straight from Universal to 18-rated, there are stages between. Apply that philosophy.

Most of us had access to full family library growing up (maybe there were some racy books hidden in bedside drawers, who knows). I don't feel the need to censor anything at any age.

I was thinking the other day, it's funny how books aren't age rated liked films...
Great minds think alike!
Books don't have a 'rating' but they do have a 'recommended age'.

My almost 12 yr old picked up a book she wanted to read that was in the YA section. I checked out the age rating (14) then scoured the Internet to find out why it was rated. Book contained self harm and revenge porn amongst other things so I told her not yet. Maybe when she's 13.

My mum recommended that to me at the same age!

I think that books are a pretty good way to encounter new areas of life. I was a wide reader at that age and it really did broaden my mind - in ways that my parents would not have approved but that still benefitted me. I would not censor. I would however try to encourage her to read literary fiction as well as YA sex stuff (assuming the latter is what your are worried about).

I have never censored my child's books, I would let them read anything. To be honest, I was happy they were reading and had an interest in books - that stopped when they were about 14!

I don't but if I spot something that might mean tears or distress, I flag it.

DD came home from school with The Fault In Our Stars when she was 11, and I sat her down and told her what it was about and asked if she really wanted to read it and she was horrified. Someone in her class had said her sister read it so she just assumed it would be good. I did also bring that one up with the school (and the teacher didn't know what it was about????). Same thing happened with They Both Die In The End, although we did have a chat about what on earth she thought the book WOULD be about! 🤔

At 13 - 14 she read the Sarah J Maas assassin series. I read the sex scenes and they were a bit cringey, but as people upthread have said, we were all reading Flowers in the Attic at that age, and she absolutey DEVOURED them, and better that than porn anyway. She has read ACOTAR (age 15) but said the last 2 books were v boring, EVEN with all the sex.

I'd be more worried about her reading A Little Life, to be honest, and like @Sgtmajormummy would probably take it away from her even now at 15. That is just abuse "porn", and nobody needs to read it (yes I have read it and I hated it).

I would absolutely censor the books. Vicarious trauma is taken seriously around people working with victim case files, I don’t understand why we just shrug it off when it comes to kids.

There's a useful site called Common Sense Media that I turn to a lot in this kind of thing (well, less so now, but when the kids were younger). It gives useful perspective when you're not sure, but your spidey senses are tingling.