AIBU was I being disrespectful?

[Whiteoleander2]

I brought up immunizations with sons dad (son 8 had all his immunizations) I'm now pregnant again and since that time his views on immunizing babies at such a young age has changed and he is now against it. All's I said was if he could look into them more and I started listing the names of them at which point he cut the conversation off and told me to stop listing them he wasn't interested and to come back to the conversation when I'd read a certain book on vaccines he'd suggested. I did keep listing them for a split second and then stopped, he then walked out the room in a huff, informed me he was putting his headphones in so couldn't hear my voice, I didn't respond, then 10 or so minutes later walked back in the room again muttered something about keeping his headphones in or something snide then walked back out again I didn't respond, just sat quietly, then another 5 minutes later walked in again and told me I was fucking disrespectful and not to do that again. Again I didn't respond. Was I being disrespectful not respecting his wishes to end the conversation immediately when he asked?

I tried to bring it up a few hours later saying I was willing to be open and read the book but I obviously would still be worried for the baby and all's I wanted was some support and reassurance to know that he felt the same, he told me he doesn't do comfort or reassurance only truth and it
instead it turned into a fight where he repeatedly called me a c-u-n-t multiple times

I feel so sad and alone and have no family or friends to speak to about this. Everytime someone asks if I'm ok at work I say fine, everytime my midwife asks if I'm ok I say yeah, I just can't bring myself to speak to anyone, even writing this is so hard and I question if the argument was my fault for being disrespectful.

I am of the age when children died because vaccinations weren't available

You can bet your bottom dollar my mother and her contemporaries raced to get their children vaccinated when the polio vaccine came out
And the same with all the others.

You don't see children suffering from those awful diseases much now thank god. And I hope that you never have to.

Not a chance I wouldn't have had my children done. But thanks to people like us, people like you benefit from herd immunity

@Whiteoleander2

As to whether it's 'disrespectful' to keep speaking when someone has indicated that they're done with a conversation, yes it is. Right or wrong, if someone indicates they're 'done', any counselor will tell you that it's 'negative' and useless to keep talking. They don't 'hear' you and you may as well keep your breath to cool your porridge. In fact, many counselors will tell the 'non-listener' to walk away. I guess headphones would be an alternative, but it is a bit PA. As far as vaccinations & other things he may be espousing, when someone is deep into conspiracy theories you may as well talk to a stone wall. So my advice is to just stop. Since he said to 'do what you want' just make quiet plans to get your baby vaccinated and do it when the time comes with no further discussion. No 'reading books', nothing.

Sounds to me as if he isn't the same fellow that you fell in love with. He sounds dismissive, disrespectful, and egotistical. And rude. You need to ask yourself "If I met him as he is now, would I still get involved with him?". If the answer is no, then you need to make plans to end the relationship.

And remember also that people who go down rabbit holes seldom come out. Instead they usually fall deeper and deeper. I'm in the US and in the last 8-10 years I've seen people I love turn into people I wouldn't piss on if they were on fire due to the conspiracy theories they've bought into.

btw, RFK Jr is espousing all sorts of absolute nonsense plucked right out of the air. His own extended family has disavowed him. If he told me the sun rose in the east, I wouldn't believe him until I walked outside and saw for myself.

Playing devil's advocate here - He obviously feels very strong against Infant vaccinations and it's obviously infuriating him that you are going to vaccinate his child.

He shouldn't have called you those names. I'm guessing he has anger issues, or difficulty expressing himself. Or perhaps he wanted to get revenge as he sees what you plan to do to baby as an attack on him.

Can I ask why? I'm not keen on Polio and Whooping Cough, myself.

@MrsTerryPratchett the pandemic proved that most people don't understand statistics, or rather, don't understand how to interpret them. It also proved that most people (including the 'leading' politicians of the time) do not understand the difference between absolute risk and comparative risk, even when it is explained to them by someone who does understand it.

I'm not an expert either. But I live with someone who has a first-class MSc in 'Control of Infectious Diseases' from a world-leading institution in that subject. Nobody in her field doesn't believe in vaccinating their children. Nobody. That's a good enough recommendation for me.

I think the tried and tested ones are good, however I think since we’ve been encouraged to have newer more experimental ones I have reservations. When I was pregnant I was told to have a bird flu vaccine, nobody I ever knew or heard of got bird flu but anecdotally the number of babies with spina bifida increased. I would be reluctant to vaccinate against chicken pox. And the number of covid vaccines people have had even though it has been stated repeatedly it doesn’t stop you catching or spreading covid it just lessens the impact, but children are barely impacted anyway…. I just don’t believe the benefits always outweigh the costs.

Hi, can I ask why you aren't keen on the polio and whooping cough ones?

Robert F Kennedy is one of the most prominent antivaxxers so of course his book is massively biased against vaccines. He also has zero scientific training. Why so many people believe his bullshit over actual highly trained scientists astounds me.

Me too. I think we shouldn’t allow children in school etc if they aren’t vaccinated.

What a disgrace. If your child is so "protected" then why do you care?

Ever seen a child in an iron lung?

All other European countries and the US vaccinate against chicken pox as part of their vaccination programmes. It is not experimental. The UK don’t because it’s not cost effective - chickenpox, although unpleasant, doesn’t cost the NHS a great deal of money. Nor does it routinely kill or disable children. Both my kids have had the chicken pox vaccine and have suffered no ill effects whatsoever.

i meant I wasn’t keen on anyone catching Whooping Cough or Polio. I’ m a great fan of vaccines. Perhaps I expressed myself clumsily.

Because the people who don’t vaccinate are comprising society as a whole - in particular the most vulnerable.

No they're not. Nobody is responsible for the health of a stranger.

Don’t agree. What a selfish attitude.

Utter bullshit

But does it give the same life long protection that comes from actually having chicken pox

Honestly, how fucking dare he stop you telling him something very important in relation to your child and then claim it is you who is being disrespectful?

Hre's obviously very insecure about his batshit ideas and doesn't want to discuss them because, in his heart of hearts, he knows they're batshit. If all he can do when challenged really mildly is to keep saying "cunt" he's demonstrating that that he just can't even begin to justify himself. And relying on a book by a notorious bigot that he hasn't even read underlines all that.

It doesn't look like there's any way realistically to salvage this and you are better off without this objectionable fool.

Ah ok, sorry I misunderstood. Thanks for taking the time to clear that up 😊

If your partner is such a fan of podcasts he should listen to the Behind the Bastards RFK Jr episodes. Robert Kennedy jr caused a huge number of deaths with his anti-vax nonsense. He is is no way showing the facts and letting readers decide. He decided there must be a reason for his son's allergies and basically went on a deadly crusade.

You don't have to stay and watch your partner destroy himself. Get yourself and your children vaccinated and get free of this man who you no longer recognise.

Nobody is responsible for the health of a stranger.

If we want to live in society, there is a cost, and benefit, and a social contract. You get (for example) a Fire Brigade to save you if your house goes up, but you are expected to submit to fire regulations.

Health is similar. You get the NHS, you get ambulances and hospitals and healthcare. Paid for largely by strangers. It behooves you to join in with herd immunity. You can choose not to. But it's selfish and stupid.

Complete nonsense. So why does that social contract still provide those services to drunk drivers etc? Why are they not behoved?

Herd immunity is how society eradicates illnesses such as smallpox.

They're selfish and stupid too. Two wrongs and all that.