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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be worried about 7 year old?

55 replies

Wowzapwoo · 29/08/2024 20:41

DS has an amazing imagination and is constantly playing made up games. Quite often he writes stories/ scripts based on his favourite TV shows or books he’s been reading, and then he acts them out. He is very happy doing this.

But he would rather be doing this than spending time with other children. He says the other kids like playing games he doesn’t like - (playing tag or football in school) and that if they try and join in one of his games they “ruin” it by not following the story.

Despite all of this other kids do seem to like him and want to spend time with him. He is always pleasant and polite to them. He just doesn’t want to be around them much!

He has a slightly older brother who he gets on well with and we obviously do stuff together as a family that he enjoys. But he always seems keen to get back to being on his own.

I’m worried he’ll be lonely when he’s older and I’m trying to encourage him to be more social. DH says I should leave him be and let him be who he is without trying to change him.

We’ve just had a bit of a row about it actually. So who’s right - DH or me?

OP posts:
Theleaveswillbefalling · 29/08/2024 20:43

I’m with DH but I would look for some creative writing or drama for him to join.

AppleKatie · 29/08/2024 20:44

He’s happy?

capable of being social when it suits and other kids like him?

In the nicest possible way OP get a hobby!

Switcher · 29/08/2024 20:45

He's expressing his personality. Not everyone is an extrovert.

MillionaireCaramel · 29/08/2024 20:45

I think so long as he's happy that's all that matters. I was also a somewhat introverted child, and still am a bit now as an adult. Many children (and adults) prefer their own company and that's fine if they're happy with it.

Wowzapwoo · 29/08/2024 20:46

He’s happy but he’s never the kid who’s invited to sleepovers or play dates for example. That doesn’t seem to bother him in the slightest. And when I ask him if he wants to invite someone over he never does. It’s very different to his brother who always has a stream of friends coming and going. I’m just worried his life is going to be very narrow and insular.

OP posts:
Sarah2891 · 29/08/2024 20:48

If he's happy then it's not a problem. He's only 7, he may change a bit as he gets older anyway. Or he may not and there's nothing wrong with that. Not everyone is social.

AppleKatie · 29/08/2024 20:48

Very few people have the same friends in adulthood as they do at 7 he has plenty of time to change if he chooses too.

i really don’t think how many play dates you have at 7 has any bearing to your social circle are 25.

Wowzapwoo · 29/08/2024 20:52

I’m introverted myself so I get needing alone time to recharge. I think I’ve just never met anyone who’s quite so self contained/ self sufficient.

I also worry he has no interest in doing clubs/ activities. He says they are all too busy. He just wants to be at home reading or playing or doing bug hunts in the garden.

OP posts:
Wowzapwoo · 29/08/2024 20:53

AppleKatie · 29/08/2024 20:48

Very few people have the same friends in adulthood as they do at 7 he has plenty of time to change if he chooses too.

i really don’t think how many play dates you have at 7 has any bearing to your social circle are 25.

This is true and probably something I needed to hear!

I was bullied a bit as kid and had very few friends because of it. I need to not put how I felt onto him. Clearly he doesn’t feel the same.

I will try and chill!

OP posts:
JohnofWessex · 29/08/2024 20:56

My thought is that he might be Autistic

Doesn't sound like it's a problem at the moment or indeed might not be in the future

Sameshitdifferentdayx · 29/08/2024 20:57

Try and chill.
My 3 boys are all very different. Especially the older 2.
One is very social, loves his football with his pals etc, the other one is very independent, and would rather be doing bug hunts, watching animal planet, playing with his toys - he's very imaginative, drawing. If he's happy then go with it and let him be 😊 x

KreedKafer · 29/08/2024 20:57

DH is right.

Speaking as someone who was very like your little boy when I was a child, please don’t make him think there’s something wrong with him for being able to enjoy his own company.

KreedKafer · 29/08/2024 20:58

Wowzapwoo · 29/08/2024 20:52

I’m introverted myself so I get needing alone time to recharge. I think I’ve just never met anyone who’s quite so self contained/ self sufficient.

I also worry he has no interest in doing clubs/ activities. He says they are all too busy. He just wants to be at home reading or playing or doing bug hunts in the garden.

He sounds absolutely brilliant 🤩

MuggleMe · 29/08/2024 20:59

Would he be interested in joining a drama club?

TeaandHobnobs · 29/08/2024 20:59

7 is still so young. He just needs to find his kind of people!
Can you teach him chess? That might be an activity he would enjoy. Or can you find any nature themed activities?

Hateliars34 · 29/08/2024 20:59

I was exactly like your DS at that age. I write novels as an adult, married with kids, but have no close friends. I feel lonely and defective for not having close friends, though as a kid I was perfectly happy in my own company.

I'm not sure there's anything my parents could have done to prevent this though, other than not moving to new towns so often. I'd encourage your DS to spend time with friends as well as doing what he likes. Maybe a creative club where he can share his interests?

Wowzapwoo · 29/08/2024 21:00

MuggleMe · 29/08/2024 20:59

Would he be interested in joining a drama club?

He went to a drama club a few times and hated it. Said it was busy and noisy. I haven’t managed to persuade to go again.

OP posts:
SallyWD · 29/08/2024 21:01

My son is similar. He does have a few friends who really like him but he seems to have no interest in seeing them! I keep suggesting we invite them round but he just doesn't want it.
He has has no interest in any sort of clubs or activities. He just seems happy at home with the family and that's all he wants.
He's now 11 and about to start secondary school. I do worry he'll be a bit of a hermit as a teenager but he seems happy enough. I've given up trying to change him!

Wowzapwoo · 29/08/2024 21:02

TeaandHobnobs · 29/08/2024 20:59

7 is still so young. He just needs to find his kind of people!
Can you teach him chess? That might be an activity he would enjoy. Or can you find any nature themed activities?

Funnily enough he loves playing chess! Mostly with his toy bear as his opponent so he gets both turns. 😂

OP posts:
AgileGreenSeal · 29/08/2024 21:03

Side note here: would you really let a seven year old go for a sleepover?

TeaandHobnobs · 29/08/2024 21:05

Wowzapwoo · 29/08/2024 21:02

Funnily enough he loves playing chess! Mostly with his toy bear as his opponent so he gets both turns. 😂

Edited

@Wowzapwoo That is SO sweet!
I’m going to PM you about an online chess club, if I may…

Wowzapwoo · 29/08/2024 21:05

@AgileGreenSeal I have a group of friends and we all have similar age kids. I’d be happy with him staying at their houses like his brother does. (And they stay here sometimes too). DS keeps himself out of the way though. Sleepovers with parents I don’t know - probably not!

OP posts:
Crazycatlady79 · 29/08/2024 21:05

Not even one page in and someone's already suggested Autism.
As an Autistic adult with Autistic children, it really grips my shit the frequency with which someone suggests Autism just because a child is happy in their own company and/or introverted.
🤯🤯🤯

Singleandproud · 29/08/2024 21:08

DD was like that, diagnosed autistic in her teens. Has spent most of the summer sat on a nearby green under a tree writing poetry this year. She does have friends and was sat there with them today but definitely found her tribe at secondary school although she's had the same best friend since she was 3. But she would happily go all summer as a younger child not seeing them.

It's key to find a group though with similar children to him, the library is a good shout with Lego club or our local art gallery does art workshops on a Saturday, local museum does a history hunters group, nature reserve does a young warden programme for teens and other activities for younger children, all attract the quieter more introverted child

RockWatch isthe national geology associations youth arm and they run weekend events around the country and family residential to the Jurassic coast in Dorset which attract the quieter child.

Singleandproud · 29/08/2024 21:10

@Crazycatlady79 well many of us will come onto the thread as we have experienced similar things with our own children and those children happen to be diagnosed with autism. That's not to say OPs child is, but it is a possibility and something many of us share.

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