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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be worried about 7 year old?

55 replies

Wowzapwoo · 29/08/2024 20:41

DS has an amazing imagination and is constantly playing made up games. Quite often he writes stories/ scripts based on his favourite TV shows or books he’s been reading, and then he acts them out. He is very happy doing this.

But he would rather be doing this than spending time with other children. He says the other kids like playing games he doesn’t like - (playing tag or football in school) and that if they try and join in one of his games they “ruin” it by not following the story.

Despite all of this other kids do seem to like him and want to spend time with him. He is always pleasant and polite to them. He just doesn’t want to be around them much!

He has a slightly older brother who he gets on well with and we obviously do stuff together as a family that he enjoys. But he always seems keen to get back to being on his own.

I’m worried he’ll be lonely when he’s older and I’m trying to encourage him to be more social. DH says I should leave him be and let him be who he is without trying to change him.

We’ve just had a bit of a row about it actually. So who’s right - DH or me?

OP posts:
Original poster
Wowzapwoo · 30/08/2024 12:30

NameChange30 · 30/08/2024 12:28

Excellent post; please heed it OP.

Show quote history

Indeed I have thank you. I understand people not wanting to “jump” to an autism diagnosis. But I am really thankful for the contributions from people who have experience of autism who have made me question things in a different way.

OP posts:
NameChange30 · 30/08/2024 12:32

tattygrl · 30/08/2024 11:03

I'm smiling reading this because he sounds just like myself and my autistic peers. For clarity I will repeat (not so much for you, OP, but for those who take issue with autism being suggested) that I'm not assuming he's autistic, and it isn't a bad thing to wonder if he is. It's a normal neurotype. To me it's like wondering if someone has ginger hair (clumsy metaphor but hopefully makes my point that it's a neutral characteristic in my opinion, not a pathologising thing or a doom and gloom prediction).

OP, the sensory "sensitivities" (super-tasting and intense experience of noisy and busy spaces) are very typical of autistic people. As is becoming overwhelmed when feeling strong emotions to the point of finding verbalisation impossible or very hard. Feeling like "words freeze" particularly stands out as something I fundamentally recognise, and I know many of my autistic peers and clients (I'm a support worker) would, too.

Rewatching favourite media (beyond the expected repetition expected from a young kid who loves something), and particularly the seemingly natural and striking ability to memorise and quote lines and scenes, is classically an autistic trait, too. It is also very familiar to me that he seems to derive great joy from doing this. Does he sometimes seem to use lines from his favourite shows/films in conversation or to express himself? Many of my autistic peers and clients do, though not all.

Contrary to popular misconception, autistic people very often have a great sense of humour: sometimes it's a little offbeat (not always), often it's very "quick" like you describe. There's a misconception that autistic people always struggle with humour and sarcasm etc., and it's simply not true as a rule. My experience has been that autistic people typically are very witty, and that misunderstandings and literal thinking can at times obscure that inbuilt sense of humour or cause miscommunications.

My personal advice would always be to seek assessment if you suspect autism. This isn't because it's a negative thing to be autistic, or because it needs "treating", or to force a label on a person. It is because we never, ever know what the future holds, and while an autistic person might do fine without external support for any length of time, there might come a point in their life where they do need support. Could be access to services, could be a sick note for burnout or overwhelm, could be a support worker or accommodations at work or education, could be accommodations/a "VIP passport" for hospital treatment, etc. My experience as a support worker (of a decade, now!) has shown me how rapidly and unexpectedly a person might need input they didn't previously need, and how hellish it is trying to get an assessment for autism while in crisis, to access the support they now need.

A diagnosis can also help massively with sense of identity, answering questions and finding community as an autistic person gets older and develops their own independent life.

A diagnosis never needs to be shared with anyone. It can remain completely private until/if/when the person wants or needs it to be shared.

Again - he might be neurotypical, and this essay be all for nought!!

Wishing you all the best :)

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I hope this is not too weird but I wanted to say I really love the way you write, you come across as very eloquent, respectful and wise!

NameChange30 · 30/08/2024 12:33

Btw OP, whether your son is autistic or not, either way he sounds absolutely lovely Smile

Original poster
Wowzapwoo · 30/08/2024 12:35

NameChange30 · 30/08/2024 12:32

I hope this is not too weird but I wanted to say I really love the way you write, you come across as very eloquent, respectful and wise!

Show quote history

Agreed! I am very thankful for @tattygrl and her excellent advice.

I am not saying DS has autism or anything similar. But I’ve never considered the possibility before and now I am. It’s made me realise that I had quite a narrow (and clearly) incorrect view of what autism is and how it presents. So if nothing else it’s been an education on that front!

OP posts:
tattygrl · 30/08/2024 13:32

@NameChange30 @Wowzapwoo aww gosh you two. Thank you! You've cheered me up on a bit of a rough day 💘

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