Are French kids brought up differently to kids in England or were these just some super kids we met on holiday?

[XelaM]

Just returned from a boat day trip in Greece with my teen. There were a few other families there including a French family with two little kids aged five and six. Those kids were honestly some of the "toughest" (and most well-behaved) kids I have ever come across.

To start with, I have never seen kids that age swim so well. Those tiny kids were like fish - jumping from the side of the boat and swimming with zero aids in really really deep waters. We also visited some cliffs and some jumped from the cliffs into the sea (which was SO SCARY 😱) and those little kids did that as well! Even my adventurous teen said the jump from the cliffs was scary and she couldn't believe the two little kids did it.

We were also fed freshly caught sea urchin and sea potatoes (which were an acquired taste to say the least 🤣) and I was certain the kids wouldn't try them only to see those two taking one sea urchin after another with zero complaints.

They were up for anything and you never heard a single moan or complaint out of them (unlike my 14-year-old 😏). And it's not like their parents appeared strict or disinterested - they were having fun and engaged with the kids. The kids were super friendly and chatty (when spoken to by others) but otherwise completely did their own thing not bothering anyone at all.

At the end even my teen who usually has no time for little kids was impressed and commented that "those were some hard core kids" 😅 (her words).

So clearly I went wrong in my parenting somewhere 🤪 but it made me wonder - are French kids brought up differently - maybe more independent and resilient or were those some super-human robot kids? 😁

It's a light hearted thread.....

But seriously, there was a thread on here a while back about IDS's proposals to increase SP age to 72, many posters supported it, just as many more think the SP should go......

Can't imagine the French accepting that!

My mum's friend had a French exchange pupil stay with her when her daughter was year 10 ish. The girl was so awful and badly behaved she was sent home. So not all French kids are perfect. I have French relatives and what I have seen though is that (generally) French parents are more authoritarian and will not accept disobedience. The kids grow up to expect a clip round the ear if they answer back or don't do what is expected. Like it was here in the past. I offer no comment as to which is better on a societal level, just an observation.

I walked past two moody looking teenagers not long after I moved to France and they were very polite and said Bonjour Madame. Totally unexpected 😂

There are SO many ASD/ADHD kids in the UK. Every thread has someone who takes offence because their kid is SEN. It was not like this when I was growing up. I often wonder if it’s diet/screens/labelling/excuses….

When I lived in a touristy town it was obvious that the French teenagers were particularly poor at one thing.
Shoplifting.
They were always getting caught.

Well, they've accepted the rise in the retirement age, haven't they?

Despite riots which caused substantial disruption to everyday life, as well as extensive damage to property and businesses. So all this rioting which you like so much ended up producing the same result as supposed British passivity, which damaged nothing and nobody.

That makes sense. ‘Takes a village’ and all that. We did our best to offer our kids a wide range of foods, as did lots of other parents we knew, but I suppose once they go to school/eat at other kids’ houses/go to birthday parties etc, they see a different way of eating! (Don’t get me wrong, we sometimes gave them beige dinners but it was the exception rather than the norm)

Agree. And I’m still shocked at the thread that said kids are having sex age 12 and 13 and 14 in their parent’s houses because they will be doing it anyway. WTF!!!

Hah! Yes, I went on a French exchange aged 17 and the French boys were well into weed! So were lots of my British peers to be fair.

This is the answer really, OP. You are looking at good parenting in action WITH the additional cultural elements which tend to be more common in French society.

I find British kids tend to have a good sense of humour from quite early on compared to say, American kids. It's not even true overall maybe, but something I have noticed.

I would like to think my DDs would be like those French kids you describe without the grown-up pallette 😆 (orders plain burger and fries)

I get this thread is a light one but what doesn’t quite match though is how Mumsnet romanticises French kids yet some of the means of raising them would be heavily criticised by most I imagine. My MIL raised my DH and his siblings very strictly and quite severely. Eg the lack of fussy eating could be down to not being offered an alternative if a child refuses to eat their dinner hence they go to bed without a full stomach unless they eat something they really don’t like. To just give one example!

There’s very little tolerance for autism and disabilities there, especially out in public. Lots of children are still shoved into the sorts of institutions that haven’t been acceptable over here in decades. So we are way ahead in that respect.

And when an American doctor found a "cure" on how SEN children could navigate their disability, he was shot down.
I'm sure a lot is about expectations and giving children the tools (not in anger or anything) to adapt to society.

I've been visiting France for many years and the thing that always strikes me about their children is that they sit beautifully for long periods of time at restaurants - without toys and colouring crayons and sometimes getting completely ignored by the adults. I'm usually watching them enviously as my daughter knocks over the 5th glass of water at a table in under a week, and my son fiddles incessantly with all the table condiments.

On the other hand, their teenagers seem to lack manners and are overly boisterous in public places. I've seen them chasing baby goats relentlessly and noisily at an animal park, among other things, and in a way you don't generally see here in the UK (despite people here lamenting how bloody awful UK teenagers are).

School is brutal - not so much primary school but in high school there are tonnes of homework and tests, and everyone is expected to do it or they’ll be in detention. After school detention for an hour, and nobody cares if that means the parents have to drive and collect them because the last bus will have gone!

Apart from that kids are just kids and parents are parents, there are all types. I can’t really compare because I would be comparing a large northern city (UK) with a village in France and they are like different planets in many ways, not just in relation to parenting!

Yes to that.

It's as if some parents have no idea that parenting their children is a desirable and achievable thing.

Would French parents be amazed to see French children behaving themselves in a restaurant?

All the comments here remarking on the amazed response to British children behaving well in public seem to give the lie to the claim that British children do this on a regular basis.

The french kids I know are pretty normal, definitely not superhuman, behaviour ok, maybe a bit less sporty than UK/Irish kids, or that could just be my friends not pushing their kids to be sporty. Definitely better eaters.

Oh they exist, they are just put out of sight. France is decades behind with how they deal with autism, children and adults are still shut away in institutions and hospitals, children removed from parents because they are autistic rather than supported.

If you like France so much why don’t you marry it x

Your local schools must not be anywhere more than a few miles from the coast?

You're aware of huge metropolitan areas in Britain, where millions live, and are nowhere near a cove they could claim for parties, right?

Were they well-off? I teach in an independent school and was surprised at first at how much more 'daring' the kids seemed - scoffing escargot on French Day, skiing black runs etc. It's money more than nationality, IMO.

I’m British but live in a
Southern Europe country, lots of French people here on holiday at the moment. Round the pool the other day, I noticed they’ were much stricter with their little ones and a fair bit of shouting and smacking bums, is that what makes them behave 🤷🏻‍♀️I’ll pass I think

My experience is 10 years out of date now but French teenagers of my acquaintance would go quite wild when left to their own devices, simply because home and school were so strict.

Speaking very generally though, I think there is a certain “continental resilience” inculcated in to dc in many EU countries that is not as present in UK.

For example UK Health & Safety culture is very strong in comparison.

And I think little kids are encouraged to be more independent younger, and be more aware of personal responsibility. There isn’t the continual narrative of “it’s someone else’s fault” or “someone else will look after me” that you sometimes find in uk. There is pride in being self-sufficient.

I find this strange actually as in many ways the French state is much more present in daily life in France, whereas the UK government is more hands off (or so we like to believe) but maybe having a strong civil society allows you to be more independent and resilient personally?

I would describe many of my French women friends as tough bordering on fierce and I think the toughness gets passed down? As mothers they tend to be pretty strong on discipline and certainly encourage eating en famille with no faddiness. I got used to seeing three year olds tuck in to salads without any problem at all.

I think the French are often portrayed in English-speaking cultures anyway as spontaneous, flirtatious, hedonistic bon viveurs and the reality couldn’t be more different. France can actually be described as quite a conformist, insular, rules-based culture and the education system is pretty brutal with not much room for independent or creative thought. It’s also quite a negative system where children are constantly marked down for quite small mistakes.

All of this leads to children who fit in to society rather than vice versa I think but obviously the two you met op sound pretty exceptional!

This they are probably brought up by the sea and they are of an age where they do complain less

teemagers are hard work on holiday