Dinner times at grandparents'

[applestrudels]

If you had very young grandchildren (under 5), who usually ate dinner at 5pm, whereas you normally ate dinner between 8 and 9pm, and then you invited your grandchildren, along with their parents, to stay at your house for a few days, would you try and make the children's dinner at 5pm, or would you stick to your normal routine of dinner anywhere between 8 and 9pm, or would you compromise (so, 6 or 7pm)?

YANBU: I would try and make dinner earlier, at least for the children
YABU: My house, my rules. Dinner is at MY usual time.

We either feed the kids earlier or all eat together at like 5.30pm. The majority of the adults don't hate eating that early. Depends what the adults are having for dinner really. My kids can not being eating later than 6pm - they're just too tired and hungry to behave by then. It always goes wrong.

I’d compromise and we’d eat at about 7.

If that wasn’t acceptable to the kids’ parents, I’d expect the kids’ parents to sort something for them at 5pm, and then I’d do a proper dinner for the adults after the kids had been put to bed.

I wouldn’t serve dinner for everyone at 5pm and I wouldn’t cook two separate meals.

My parents used to do this and it would be so stressful. Children would be asking for food and then too overtired to eat at 7pm.
They wouldn't let us cook for them or give them food at a time not convenient to them.
Would never do that to my children of grandchildren.

I'd serve the adult meal at normal times, and expect the parents of the children to sort out some food for them if the children needed to eat at a different time. But, I'd have had a conversation about it, and got basics in so that the parents could knock something up fairly easily if needed. But I'd neither be serving dinner at 5, nor cooking two meals every night, and I'd think very poorly of anyone who expected that of me.

Gosh 8 to 9 would be far too late for me! Generally eat 5.30 to 6 though 6 is lateish. Same with DS and DB and our parents. If we have anyone coming for dinner eg friends we aim for 7pm. DC eat with us every night since they came out highchairs.

Great. But loads of people aren’t even home from work by 5.30pm, let alone having had time to prepare a family meal, so they ‘model family meals to children’ by getting their children used to eating dinner at a later time. We always ate as a family when I was a kid (in the 1980s/90s) but my dad wasn’t home from work until 7-7.30pm so that’s when we had dinner. And that was absolutely fine.

Toddler tea at 5 and everyone else eats when said toddlers are in bed.

@KreedKafer - at preschool you stayed up? Did your mum/childcare keep you asleep for most the afternoon to cope with dinner that late?

most people who don’t get in from work until that time will have missed dinner with their kids. They’ll have been fed by whoever is doing childcare /the other parent and then getting ready for bed at that time.

This is what we did. Early dinner at PILs as they eat early in any case. Fed DC early and had adults meal after 8 at DF and DSM’s C house.

If they were insistent on keeping the late dinner, I would ask if they mind if I whip up something for the kids at their usual time and I’d eat with them later when the kids are asleep at that time. They would want to be fairly unreasonable to object.

If the children are under five, then I would cook their food for their normal time and then make dinner for the adults' usual time. I don't think you can expect adults to eat at 5 and I think 6 or 7 is still far too early.

Kids eating at their usual time is more important than adults eating at their regular time.

Yikes, that’s harsh! I wouldn’t be staying there if they were dictating when I fed my kids. I’d be getting a nearby hotel or airbnb!

Parents of visiting toddlers make them something simple at five, then all adults eat together after children’s bedtime.

I'd compromise and do food at around 6.30pm. 5 would be too early for everyone to eat, but unfair to make kids wait until 8 or 9.

My under 5s are in bed at 7! I don't mind keeping them up for a party or one off occasion but a multiple day stay I'd want them in their routine so they are good and happy in the daytime.

Dinner for them at 5ish and then adults later. At home we eat with them- it's really good for you body to have a longer fast.

I'd be happy to cook for them separately but if in laws refused that and tried to make them wait until 8pm then I'd leave although first let them deal with the 5am wake up after the late night. Incredibly rude to make guests match your schedule. When the in laws come to us we deal with their timing and diet whims.

We have this with both sets of GPs. You just can't feed young children at 8pm if they aren't used to it, so:

At PIL's the DC eat at 5 and the adults eat at 8 once they are jumping around upstairs in bed.

At my parents we all eat at 6.30-7.

There's upsides and downsides to both. For us it's only every coupke of months so no major issue.

What bugs me a bit though is that PIL kick off about eating earlier (think 6.30) when they are staying with us in our house, yet expect us adults to fit in with their late mealtime at their house.

🤣have you had under 5s? 4 pm for tea at ours after 6pm I would call it supper!😀

FIL tried to insist that my dch wait until 8pm to eat because they had to do as they were told. We got round it by giving them something like cheese and biscuits, hummus, carrots & cucumber at 5pm.

So clearly you are the parents staying with grandparents who are feeding everyone late - have a word with them and offer to prepare the kids meal earlier so a) kids can go to bed on time and are fed when hungry and b) you can all relax to eat later. Its not difficult, but you need to talk.

I can’t imagine making under 5s wait until way past their usual dinner times makes for a very relaxing evening!

when we stay with others, we always make the meals for our young toddlers at a time that suits them. I don't think it's fair to ask your hosts to prepare 2 separate meals at different times.

I have one not even in their pre-school year and we're often still at the table at 7, although granted we're eating dessert by then. They haven't napped in over a year. Children don't have to eat at 5 and be in bed at 7. Mine has a few crackers at nursery at 4ish but it isn't what I'd class as a meal and they are expected to sit at the table nicely with us to all eat together when we're home from work.

Isn’t feeding the children earlier just normal? it’s ‘nursery tea’ in our house, adult supper is later and usually after small children have been bathed/got ready for bed. Expecting children to wait until 8pm is too late and totally unreasonable, not to say unkind.

We do a mix of children eating early and adults eating after they are in bed with occasional early dinners so the DC can join in eg if we go to a restaurant, have a celebration meal or barbecue. Not at 5pm though, more like 6.30lpm