Dinner times at grandparents'

[applestrudels]

If you had very young grandchildren (under 5), who usually ate dinner at 5pm, whereas you normally ate dinner between 8 and 9pm, and then you invited your grandchildren, along with their parents, to stay at your house for a few days, would you try and make the children's dinner at 5pm, or would you stick to your normal routine of dinner anywhere between 8 and 9pm, or would you compromise (so, 6 or 7pm)?

YANBU: I would try and make dinner earlier, at least for the children
YABU: My house, my rules. Dinner is at MY usual time.

I’d say to the guests that I am doing dinner at X time but if they want to feed kids earlier set out the options- like you’re welcome to make a sandwich/ cook something from the freezer/ give the kids a snack (cereal, crackers etc) then then join the adults later.

What I would not be doing is making everyone eat at 5pm, cooking twice, or cooking everyone’s meal early (so that it’s manky and congealed by the time the adults eat). Obviously if it’s already been cooked- like a stew overnight or leftovers then this wouldn’t be an issue.

When are the children going to bed in this world where they eat at 8 or 9?

Kids eat at their normal time, adults eat at their normal time, after kiddy bedtime. If you’re going out you all eat together but compromise and eat about 6-6.30.

Our parents always worked with us for mealtimes for the DCs when they were that little. We also compromised where necessary to accommodate them. In this situation I think 6:30ish should work for everyone.

If we were staying somewhere and the hosts wanted to eat at 8 or 9 and we had young DC, I'd just say that was great and feed the kids early and put them down and enjoy an adult dinner with wine. Is that the grandparents' expectation?

DH and I eat very late. Mid 60s, still working. No GC yet.

If we have GC and they visit with their parents (DS/DIL or DD/potential son in law), our family will be our guests and as good hosts, we will accommodate their wishes/needs even if it means compromising our routine. I'd probably do tea for all with the DC because eating is social and a light supper for the grown-ups after the DC were in bed.

I can't see it being a problem.

We eat at 5:30 every day because of the importance of modelling family meals to children.

Feed the kids earlier, then put them to bed so adults can eat.

You’re lucky to be in jobs that allow you to do that

I would bring something for my child to eat at 5-6pm (some pasta that can be heated up), then everyone eat when the children are in bed around 9pm. That’s what we do in the week.

If the kids dinner needed to be fed early to correspond with bed time then I'd feed them at 5, then adults at our usual time.
If it was more flexible and kids wouldn't get grumpy etc I'd feed everyone at around 7.30pm.
But I'd check with the parents first what they'd prefer.

No it's not. You have to allow time for it to digest before you go to bed. We all have dinner at 5 ish and I am doing the 18:6 diet so I don't eat again until the following lunchtime.

My grand-daughter eats around 5pm. We make something for her at 5pm and then she can eat with us at 730pm if she wants to, or she can be put to bed in time for the adults to eat together. It's no big deal and saves one person frantically trying to get bedtime "done" in time to sit down with the rest of us.

My ILs are French so maybe it’s cultural? But they still wouldn’t expect it of a toddler, it’s pasta with butter then off to bed, and we’d only be having dinner with them weekends or school holidays so no issue for the slightly older ones to stay up. At home it’s a nice British 6pm family dinner for us!

They are under 5 , how much can they possibly eat ? Give them a sandwich / toastie/ soup / something reheated from last nights dinner at 5pm.

Adults eat at your usual time.

You are making a big deal of this when it’s not needed.

Probably a 6-6.30pm compromise or feed the kids early. I have three small children and I'm pleased to say I've trained them well to cope with eating at anytime between 5 and half 7. I do find it quite frustrating when people are insistent their children must be fed at half 4 or 5. I think some have never been expected to feel hungry before. Although I'd rather feed children early than deal with hangry tantrums. By 8pm the majority of toddlers would be too tired as well as too hungry and realising that is surely common sense.

I would make dinner earlier, either for everyone or just for the grandchildren then an adult meal later when the kids have gone to bed.
Even delaying an hour isn't ideal for under 5s because they will get too hungry and over tired and not eat properly or sleep as well, and may need to be given a snack so be less hungry for real food.

@Catterpillarsflipflops but surely you can model that behaviour later?

My parents are always happy to adapt to anything when DD stays. When staying there we usually switch to have main meal at lunchtime and then DD has a tea at 5ish and they eat a bit later.

But as good hosts they are completely flexible. I wouldn’t visit anyone that wasn’t.

I would compromise as to what suits everyone . But I'm very relaxed around mealtimes anyway and have no real pattern. I just eat a snack if I'm hungry in between times . But in terms of the times you've given, I think in general 8/9 is very late for a main meal and 5 pm a bit early - although this tends to follow an early lunch for people who get up early . If you have 12 noon lunch I suppose 5 pm tea and some supper for the adults around 9 pm would work.

(Ps I'm midlands so for me 'tea' means my main meal and 'supper' would be something like toast!)

@Putting
Yes I was thinking that. I used to have an early tea at the table with DS when he was small but DH worked shifts so was not around at this time.

Tea at 5pm feels very early. Mine eat around 6.30/7 as sometimes we are not home until 6pm. However they go to school with large packed lunches to see then through after school care to a later dinner and if they had to wait to 8pm they would be eating their arms off.

My mum will have a child friendly dinner ready for whatever time the youngest grandchild needs to eat or one of us siblings will decide what to make and prepare it for the kids.
Youngest grandchild at my mum's is 2, sometimes my sister will just make or bring something for her youngest and the older kids will wait to eat with the rest of the family.

I'd meet in the middle.

5.30 is very early for most adults so I'd say 7pm sounds like a good compromise? If the children really can't wait, then parents should provide food for them.

Both sets of my DDs grandparents feed her when she's hungry, whether that's before they want to eat or not.

We eat with her, which means we usually eat early but that's because we want the family meal thing. Elsewhere we eat at the time of those adults.

My parents eat late. When the kids were little I made their food earlier and we ate later. Now they are older we compromise and all eat together around 7/7.30.

I would speak to the parents, but I'd prob feed the children at their normal time (or their parents would cook for them) and then the adults would eat later when kids were in bed.