Brownie sleepover AIBU

[Idtotallybangdreamoftheendlessnotgonnalie]

Hi all,

My 8 year old/soon to be Year 3 is really excited, she's off to a brownie sleepover at a science museum in November. I'm excited for her, and I'm really pleased that she wants that independence.

She's a fairly sensible kid, but she's also AuDHD, so I do worry for her- maybe something will go wrong and that she wont cope, or that she won't be able to communicate if she gets upset and just panic quietly to herself all night.

The sleepover is about an hour away from where we live, and I'm happy with her leaders, I get a good vibe from them. They're not having parent helpers so I can't volunteer to go, which I think is 100% correct from a safeguarding perspective, and actually she would prefer me not to be there I think.

Would it be absolutely nuts Unreasonable of me to stay in the hotel next door (literally a 4 minute walk across the car park) in case she needs me in the middle of the night?

My husband thinks I am and I should just let her have her independence, I'm just thinking I'd rather pay £100 not do a 2 hour return journey at 3am if she gets wobbly.

Thanks for any replies, head wobbles or otherwise!

(Also, I'd be open to any tips of how to prepare her for the sleepover!)

Yanbu as such but fgs don’t tell her that’s what your doing or you will give her the impression that you expect her to fail/need picking up.

If it’ll make you feel better than do it. You know your daughter best and if you think she might struggle you would be making it easier for yourself. I don’t think it’s nuts at all. She’s 8 not 18!

But yes, agreed with previous poster than it’s probably best not to tell her.

Absolutely this. Do it to make your own life easier but never let her know.

If you’ll feel better, book the hotel.

But - make absolutely sure that your dd doesn’t know .

Do make sure that she knows that she can ask the leaders anything at any time, including during the night. Make sure that the leaders know about anything that she finds particularly challenging and make sure that she takes her favourite teddy (if she has one)

Oh yeh I definitely wouldn't tell her!

I think you should do it OP. My daughter had an horrendous time coping in Guides when she moved up from Brownies. She was left in a tent on her own crying for 5 hrs in the daytime let alone the night. Not for one minute saying this will happen to your daughter but our experience was shocking and my dd left soon after that experience. If your gut says you are doing the right thing then its right.
I hope your little one has the best time and no one can fault you for being a lovely mum who wants the best for her.

Then do it!

the first time all my DC were out on camp I booked an air bnb and had a weekend away- this is basically the same thing!

I ran Rainbow/Brownie and Guide units and sleepovers for over 25 years. From a leader perspective if you are going to book a hotel do not tell your dd. She may cope fine but if she knows you are close by it may impact her ability to settle and join in.

I would strongly suggest having a meeting with the leaders to discuss your dd's condition amd how it may manifest. If they are decent leaders they will wnat to work with you to ensure your dd is well supported and I promise we all go out of our way to support our girls.

I had a girl once who had been sexually abused as a toddler along with a variety of developmental delays and emotional disorders. Overnights away from her "safe space" were a huge issue. We ensured that she has a single trusted adult to turn to (on this occasion it was me). I sat outside her room for most of the night so she knew I was close by. She didn't need verbal reassurance, but she just needed to know I was close. She had the best time, and the next time she knew what to expect and was able to come with far less intervention.

I have also taken a child with various physical and mental disabilities on camp along with her 121 carer, she took part in bouldering wall activities that her parents never thought would be possible.

I’d worry about her . I had to pick up DS 8 ( nearly 9) recently form a sleepover where he was homesick and had a simila raged child struggle at our home too.
I think your plan is very sensible

Talk to her leaders. Brownie leaders have seen most things come out on camp. (Unless they are all newbie leaders - even then they'll have experience around them) they'll have a good idea of how to deal with her. Help them by telling them what you do, what she might need etc. But in reality she won't be up all night unless she doesn't do exhaustion... they do tend to drop in the end. She won't be the only one who wobbles - it is often the most unexpected kid who wobbles.

I’ve been a parent helper on several brownie/guide trips (done safeguarding training and DBS check). Talk to the leaders. There are children with all kinds of additional needs happily accommodated and who all have a great time without parental intervention.

You sound like a fantastic leader. I definitely will have a chat with them closer to the time, and let them know that I'm nearby if they need me.

I think the problem is that I don't know how she will be, it's so different! Usually I can guess but this one really could go either way!

I think yes but don’t tell her. I sent my v confident neurotypical daughter on brownie camp and she found going to bed really hard and still talks about it.

Don't tell the Brownie leaders either - you don't want to be 'that' parent. they have your emergency contact details, that's all they need.

I bet you won't hear a peep from them and she will be fine.

*Scout leader here

Also think this is a sensible plan. My DD is also 8 and doing her first sleepover soon, I’m 3 minutes away just as it’s very close to our house, DD can’t wait and is generally a fairly confident child, but I still do think she might have a wobble and I’d happily get her if she did. So this is no different- agree with others not to tell her, but to let the leaders know so they are aware it’s not a massive deal if they do need you. You’ll either have a lovely relaxing evening in a hotel, or be able to pick up your DD with no drama if you need to. And if you end up not needing to get her, then I think it’s the sweetest thing to think of telling her when she’s a lot older what you did!

Great idea to book the hotel without her knowing. It will be peace of mind for you either way and if you did need to pick her up, you will be there anyway. I hope she has a lovely time :)

I would absolutely do this. As you have already said, don't tell her travel down and stay over.

I’d do it too but not tell my daughter

Will you tell the leaders?

I am guessing you mean the science or natural history museum - I would check but my understanding is they lock the doors for the night for security reasons and I doubt very much that their first step is going to be call you to collect her.
I’ve been to both these museums for sleepovers - was a parent helper so things must have changed. I remember their being a zillion kids and they were all so exhausted from the excitement and late night that they were all zonked out.

Why do they need a sleepover at such a young age? Not sure why it's even a thing to be honest.

I ran units from being 16 til I was 40. I "retired" 4 years ago, there are times I really miss it, but honestly I had done my time and I had had enough.

There are some less than wonderful leaders but most of us do it because we love it and we love your kids and seeing them thrive.

Most kids cope far better than their parents think they will, activities are usually planned to fill their time so they dont miss home and also exhaust them so they sleep.

She will probably have a blast but being nearby just on case is sensible.

More than anything... make sure your contact details are correct and your phone isn't on Do Not Disturb... it can be very frustrating trying to contact parents and finding this to be the case.

I would probably tell the leaders that I'm going to stay nearby and to have a low threshold to call me if they need me. I think the plan would be to give her half an hour or so to calm down and settle and if it's not happening then I can come grab her.

I think the nice bit of staying nearby is that she could potentially go back for breakfast in the morning to "see it through".

I have absolute faith in the leaders to look after her though, I've often been early to pick her up and I can see that she is treated with kindness and respect.