Am I unreasonable to be annoyed with partner?!

[annoyedatpartner]

DP, teen DD and I have life 360 app on our phones. For various reasons but it's practical and useful for us as a family to know where each other is. Everyone js happy with it, everyone is an adult and has consented to location being tracked - before anyone asks about that.

Anyway - to the point, DP left for night shift half an hour ago and I have just received a notification on the app that he had a "dangerous drive" - never seen that pop up before, so clicked on it. It tells me his top speed going to work was 104mph!? I'm annoyed about this as I think this is unnecessarily reckless. He was clearly late and rushing but still, surely there's no need to do that sort of speed! Am I overreacting?

"Used it to monitor driving" is a skewed interpretation of the actual situation though, as you well know.

As I've (now repeatedly) said - I did not know this was a feature. We have it for practical reasons as a family and we are all on board with it. I received a notification that said "dangerous speed detected" or words to that effect. It's human nature to click on notifications that pop up on your phone. That's hardly "tracking", is it. How can I be "tracking" anyones driving when I wasn't aware that was even a feature of the app? 😂

Once I'd read the notification, I then messaged DP to ask if it was accurate - he confirmed it was. I said that's a bit fast isn't it, not the safest. He replied that he hadn't realised and slowed down as soon as he had. And that's the end of the discussion between us. No drama.

There's more drama on this thread about the app than there is or ever was in my home put it that way 😂

Yes we have it for similar reasons (18 yo DD is often at various different places and it's for her peace of mind as much as ours), but also she doesn't drive yet and relies on us both frequently for lifts, but the nature of our work means we cannot always be contactable during the day. The app tells her quickly whether we are at work (and therefore uncontactable), or elsewhere and to quickly establish which one of us can give her a lift etc. just a couple of reasons, but it works for us a family.

I was initially annoyed, but his explanation did suggest it was absentmindedness rather than deliberate, he said he hadn't realised the speed he was doing.

Oo I don't like the sound of that kind of tracking. Where would it end? Each to their own I guess.

I find it hard to understand how he wouldn't notice he was doing 100mph. If that is in fact true, should be really be driving? What if he absentmindedly does it again?

I've been in a car doing 100mph before and it's very clear how fast you're going.

She didn't use it to monitor driving. They use the app for logistics and convenience. She had a notification of a driving speed, which is no difference to a friend having witnessed her DH driving at dangerous speeds and telling her about it, or a getting clocked on a speeding camera and them sending a letter. If you discover dangerous driving by any other method, does that make it OK to care about? But via an app it's not OK because you should know about it?

She found out, irrespective of how, and as his wife, mother of their children and presumably joint owner of their car and financial assets, it's perfectly reasonable to be unhappy at the risk.

@Didimum

THANK YOU for sense (at last😂)

We use the Life 360 too and it is brilliant! My husband has health issues and it always worries me when he is out with the dogs. He usually checks mine to see if I’m on my way home so he can have a cuppa ready!

But - the app does show glitches sometimes and the driving speed isn’t always accurate. Our trucks at work have similar and quite often the tracker shows them doing speeds that physically can’t do!

I think it’s quite easy on a quiet motorway to end up going far faster than you realise.

How do you know she isn’t superwoman in disguise?

We have the app too. All quite happy with it. Got it after my husband got lost abroad and rang me in the middle of the night for directions. Now it's handy for knowing when to put the tea on when he's on his drive home, seeing where to pick people up from, how far away you are from being picked up and hundreds of other little uses.
Having said that, I just checked my driving stats and it says I went over 80mph 10 times on Tuesday. I was on walk so I doubt it. No driving at all that day. 😄

My mum was left with a broken back by someone rushing to work …. She’s lived in pain daily since that’s regularly taken out on me 28 YEARS of consequence for us and the driver didn’t even remember the accident 9 years ago when we came face to face with him

It's scarily easy to speed on a quiet road with no other traffic.

We were on the motorway back from Manchester yesterday and I'd say very few people were going under 80-85mph.

Yes, ok, the man in that case was doing 140 mph and was also significantly over the drink drive limit but still

So completely different then? 🙄

I regularly drive at about or just under 100. I don’t answer to anyone but the police. If my partner told me off like a child about it; I’d be livid.

We have that app but it is not entirely accurate. The other night my son was apparently cycling on a certain road. In reality he was in a pub on that road so I can only assume he was either running to the bar or whizzing around the pool table 😂

I’ll still be tracking my kid when he’s 40 😂

the problem with speeding is that whilst the driver may be in control, the other people are going 70mph so the speed difference if they pull out suddenly means not as much room for reaction etc.

I grew up in Germany where there are no speed limits and to be honest it works well. However there were no middle lane drivers. If you were in the wrong lane you were very quickly told about it.
my little fiat would struggle to get to 70mph and you would have people flashing as you were passing a lorry on a dual carriageway 😂
so whilst it may be safe for him it’s what others are doing.

to those being critical my daughter and I had life 360 when she first passed her test and at times would get lost and ask me to help her with directions… we live very rural and maps on her phone / find my iPhone wouldn’t always work wherever life 360 does! Once she became more confident we stopped using it.

We both (and her girlfriend) now share our location with each other on Find my iPhone and we are fully consenting… I must admit the most helpful bit is if I am planning to call her I know not to if can see she is at the gym/ in a uni lecture 🤣 Only awkward thing was when I was first dating my boyfriend (oh you are at his again!)🤣🤣🤣

I had this once, definitely my personal best walking speed!

What a weird brag.

😮😂

Your certainly not being unreasonable to be annoyed by such a thing. Especially as you mention further down that he hadn't realised the speed he was going which begs the question was he driving with all due care? Driving over 100mph can result in an immediate loss of driving licence which presumably would be a massive inconvenience to him, so could be worth mentioning to him.

Think you are right OP, regardless if if was the app telling you, a speeding ticket in the post or eye witness that is far too excessive, you have checked it was accurate as that was my first thought (i have apps telling me to slow down when stationary) and it is his life and other road users at risk, but also yours and their families that will live with the consequences of his decision. If he planned to break the law in other ways today surely you would want to make him see sense then?

L

Just had to say how much I Love life 360. My dad always thought my husband was controlling me when we used it (even though it was my suggestion). My dad now uses it and raves about being able to make my mum a cup of tea as she walks back from the shop 😂