Am I unreasonable to be annoyed with partner?!

[annoyedatpartner]

DP, teen DD and I have life 360 app on our phones. For various reasons but it's practical and useful for us as a family to know where each other is. Everyone js happy with it, everyone is an adult and has consented to location being tracked - before anyone asks about that.

Anyway - to the point, DP left for night shift half an hour ago and I have just received a notification on the app that he had a "dangerous drive" - never seen that pop up before, so clicked on it. It tells me his top speed going to work was 104mph!? I'm annoyed about this as I think this is unnecessarily reckless. He was clearly late and rushing but still, surely there's no need to do that sort of speed! Am I overreacting?

Imagine driving so fast that you obviously don’t give a fuck about your wife and child.

We don’t use those apps and I have no desire to see where Dh is but I would like to think that he would not go out of his way to put himself in danger.

@BeaRF75 he was doing that speed, he told me he was.

It's nothing to do with me that my partner drives recklessly, potentially endangering his own life and that of others? Oh ok, fair enough. My mistake. I mean, what does it matter if he ends up dead? I'll only have a traumatised child without a father. None of my business after all.

Walking a dog at 50mph.gave me visions of a doggy with smoking paw's.

Imagine driving so fast that you obviously don’t give a fuck about your wife and child.

Exactly. Or anyone else for that matter.

👀

I wouldn’t be quizzing my DP about how fast he’d been driving. Id ignore it and also turn that function off for the future. That’s not a level of detail I need to have about my DPs behaviour when I’m not around. I can see how some of the functions might be useful but not this one.

Every single time I’m on a motorway I see cars driving this fast. Not saying it’s right, but it’s totally common

has he only ever been caught on your app speeding this once?

i really don't like the idea of parents tracking their adult children and partners on apps, its reeks of control and mistrust.

he's an adult, he's making his own choices... it wouldn't surprise me if the app was wrong..

find a better hobby than tracking your family

I would be furious.

Jesus, does this have to turn into yet another ‘boo to tracking apps’ disaster thread? Some people use them, go take a bath and forget about it.

I haven't consciously set any of the features. I don't even fully understand the app to be honest. As I said in my OP, I was randomly notified of a "dangerous speed" or words to that effect. It popped up as a notification and so I naturally clicked on it. I didn't realise until today that it was a feature. And I didn't "quiz" him, I asked him once if he'd done over 100mph as the app had notified me, and said I felt that was unsafe if it was accurate. That's hardly quizzing.

I do feel people are getting hung up on details that aren't relevant. Regardless of the reason I know about it, my point is that I feel it's reckless and unsafe.

😂

yes it's definitely a "hobby". That's exactly what "for practical reasons" means. A hobby. 👍🏻🙄

I understand you find the app helpful, that’s fine. Personally I wouldn’t be annoyed; my DP is a very good driver so I trust his judgement on how fast to drive. I’m sure the app is probably configurable and I would personally look to turn this feature off for the future.

@Icanttakethisanymore
I generally think my partner is a good driver too which is why this shocked me. I'm not sure anyone is a safe driver at that sort of speed. It's just unnecessary. I'm not saying I'm a perfect driver who's never broken the limit but I just think over 100 is a bit excessive. Like I say, my judgement on this possibly clouded by the fatality on that same road a few months back where a baby and his mother were killed. The driver was doing in excess of 100 when he hit them. That's quite emotive and close to home I suppose, so it's sitting uncomfortably for me that's all.

Mumsnetters don't exceed 30mph even on the motorway.

I can see how being close to an accident like that would impact how you feel about it. It just doesn’t bear thinking about does it ☹️

I’d be pretty PO if my partner “mentioned” that they tracked me breaking the speed limit. FFS turn that creepy surveillance measure off! How do you think people lived before this shit..

Yes. Its common, and it works out ok a lot of the time. Until it doesn’t …

I can guarantee DP will be googling how to disable that feature!

You know what? GOOD.

Because as an already anxious person, I can do without a notification popping up on my phone to say, "hey, here's something dangerous your partner just did that you otherwise wouldn't have known about, that you can now stress about" 🙄 Not massively conducive to a relaxing evening, funnily enough.

Following your update that he's admitted doing over 100, even if he didn't realise which I really don't buy, I'd be fuming.

Absolutely. Noone needs this information and it should not be offered.

We don't use tracking apps as a family but if we did the day dh used it to monitor driving would be the day I deleted it. But if he doesn't mind the questions and you're all happy then you do you

I have this app with my adult siblings. We all freely consent to it (I’m a solo parent and find it reassuring someone would know where I was in an emergency rather than creepy).