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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be shocked this isn't getting more coverage?

411 replies

Sugarcoldturkey · 28/08/2024 08:51

Women in Afghanistan are now forbidden from speaking when not inside their homes. A simple "hello" to someone in a shop is now against the law. https://www.theguardian.com/global-development/article/2024/aug/26/taliban-bar-on-afghan-women-speaking-in-public-un-afghanistan

AIBU to think this is some of the most horrific news I've heard in months? I can't wrap my head around it and I can't help thinking - activists/newspapers/politicians are loud when campaigning about the gender pay gap or the state of child care or a woman's rights to her own body but somehow on this topic no one wants to criticise too often or too loudly.

Is it because religion is mixed in? Or guilt over the war? Or do politicians in particular only care about women's rights when it's a vote-winner in their constituency? Or is it just that it's so terrible and we all feel so powerless to prevent it that we just prefer to ignore the situation?

I'm feeling v v shaken.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
14
EasternStandard · 29/08/2024 08:54

Blueybanditbingochilli · 29/08/2024 07:13

In all fairness they were left in the ‘care’ of the Afghan army who then deserted.

Yes this part is key. The weaponry and training were for the army

Naunet · 29/08/2024 09:01

Blueybanditbingochilli · 29/08/2024 08:48

But every country has men in it, and very very few are like Afghanistan.

No, many may not have been as extreme, but PLENTY of countries have treated women as second class. I mean just look at womens right to vote, or how hateful and violent porn is these days, or legalised rape in marriage, or the fact that in America, our great Leader of the Free World, (you know, the one that’s NEVER had a female leader) allows grown men to still marry little girls in some states. And if you look back over history you will see it everywhere, time and time again. It is men, they are the problem, their relentless desire to control and oppress women in order to make themselves feel important.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 29/08/2024 09:10

The weaponry and training were for the army

Indeed, @EasternStandard, and that would be the army who the west spent time and $$$$ training in the hope they'd be enabled to help their own country towards a better future

Only it turned out that this was never their intention and many favoured tthe rule of the warlords instead, just as they've done for millennia

Blueybanditbingochilli · 29/08/2024 09:19

Naunet · 29/08/2024 09:01

No, many may not have been as extreme, but PLENTY of countries have treated women as second class. I mean just look at womens right to vote, or how hateful and violent porn is these days, or legalised rape in marriage, or the fact that in America, our great Leader of the Free World, (you know, the one that’s NEVER had a female leader) allows grown men to still marry little girls in some states. And if you look back over history you will see it everywhere, time and time again. It is men, they are the problem, their relentless desire to control and oppress women in order to make themselves feel important.

Edited

Yes but leading the charge in this are Islamic countries, by a very long way. Comparing the UK with its legalisation of distasteful or degrading pornography to a country which won’t even let women speak outside their house is nonsensical. And pornography isn’t legalised because apparently a deity compels us to do it. You’re comparing apples and oranges. Mistreatment or inadequate rights for women are a problem world over, but this specific type of extreme and theocratic oppression seems overwhelmingly specific to Islam.

The UK has its issues but the number of men who believe women should not be allowed to speak outside their homes is probably absolutely tiny, even fairly misogynistic men would think you were bonkers for suggesting it. The difference is there is no extreme religion to fuel the misogyny. We can agree perhaps it’s an issue of the 2 together - men plus extreme religion - but it isn’t ’just men by themselves’.

EasternStandard · 29/08/2024 09:24

Naunet · 29/08/2024 09:01

No, many may not have been as extreme, but PLENTY of countries have treated women as second class. I mean just look at womens right to vote, or how hateful and violent porn is these days, or legalised rape in marriage, or the fact that in America, our great Leader of the Free World, (you know, the one that’s NEVER had a female leader) allows grown men to still marry little girls in some states. And if you look back over history you will see it everywhere, time and time again. It is men, they are the problem, their relentless desire to control and oppress women in order to make themselves feel important.

Edited

I think conflating it to all men underplays dramatically the extreme ideology and practise

If I were to ask you where you or the girls you know would prefer to grow up it's an easy choice

That difference is due to an extreme regime. I would fear the Taliban without a doubt, more than many other things. Look at their impact on women and girls.

DogInATent · 29/08/2024 09:31

Blueybanditbingochilli · 29/08/2024 09:19

Yes but leading the charge in this are Islamic countries, by a very long way. Comparing the UK with its legalisation of distasteful or degrading pornography to a country which won’t even let women speak outside their house is nonsensical. And pornography isn’t legalised because apparently a deity compels us to do it. You’re comparing apples and oranges. Mistreatment or inadequate rights for women are a problem world over, but this specific type of extreme and theocratic oppression seems overwhelmingly specific to Islam.

The UK has its issues but the number of men who believe women should not be allowed to speak outside their homes is probably absolutely tiny, even fairly misogynistic men would think you were bonkers for suggesting it. The difference is there is no extreme religion to fuel the misogyny. We can agree perhaps it’s an issue of the 2 together - men plus extreme religion - but it isn’t ’just men by themselves’.

To be fair to the other poster, extreme religions (or any religion) do not spontaneously emerge from the aether. Look at who is interpreting these religions and driving the extremist views.

It's also a gross oversimplification to ascribe all these problems to Islam as a whole. Like Christianity it's a religion of multiple interpretations and sects, and some have more extreme positions than others. And extreme interpretations of Islam and Christianity have one thing in common, they always and without exception transfer power and authority to an exclusive group of men and men only. All of the Abrahamic religions have inherent patriarchal power structures.

Blueybanditbingochilli · 29/08/2024 09:33

DogInATent · 29/08/2024 09:31

To be fair to the other poster, extreme religions (or any religion) do not spontaneously emerge from the aether. Look at who is interpreting these religions and driving the extremist views.

It's also a gross oversimplification to ascribe all these problems to Islam as a whole. Like Christianity it's a religion of multiple interpretations and sects, and some have more extreme positions than others. And extreme interpretations of Islam and Christianity have one thing in common, they always and without exception transfer power and authority to an exclusive group of men and men only. All of the Abrahamic religions have inherent patriarchal power structures.

But why does this particular interpretation of Islam result in such uniform devastation and oppression, compared with literal interpretation of other religions which tends to either be fairly peaceful or a small minority? That’s what I’m asking, and I’m open to answers.

GreyCarpet · 29/08/2024 09:36

Blueybanditbingochilli · 29/08/2024 08:48

But every country has men in it, and very very few are like Afghanistan.

I'm only quoting your post because it fits and not because I'm directing my reply at you personally.

I've followed this thread with interest and dismay.

The situation women are now facing in Afghaniistan is unimaginable and I agree that, sadly, there is little that can realistically be done to challenge and change it for all the reasons given.

There have been many segues and discussions of other religions and women's rights in general.

I'm not a religious person and I don't have a faith. To my mind, faith is one thing and it brings many people a lot of comfort during difficult times. However, religion is a man made construct that has always been about control. And, invariably, it is 'man' made; men made the rules and men ennforce the rules. And many of those rules impact negatively on women and have done so across the centuries.

I know many Muslims, male and female. The men are exactly what anyone would consider to he kind, loving, reasonable and supportive men. The women who wear the hiijab, burkhas etc are strong, intelligent, witty women who do so by choice and would defend their right to do so. Islam, at its heart, is a peaceful faith. So this is not about Islam but women's rights in general.

There have been discussions on whether similar could happen here and what would happen if 'sharia law' were 'democratically' enforced here and whether it could happen here. Someone explained how it could happen. Before the GE, I read a thread about a woman who had to vote the way her husband told her to. So, in some homes, women's votes are already controlled.

The bottom line for me is that we still only have an illusion of equality.

Women only enjoy equality and women's rights because, and as far as, men allow us to. And we will only ever enjoy them for as long as men allow us to. I'm not referring to individual men in our lives who champion and support us (although there are many, many threads on MN that show how many women are not permitted equality and freedoms in their own lives by the men in their lives) but as a society.

People have already referred to anti abortion laws in the US. The fact that women, in some states, no longer have bodily autonomy and freedom of choice. None of those laws are about protecting unborn babies; they are about controlling women.

There are countries across the world where women can be imprisoned if they suffer a miscarriage.

So many think these atrocities couldn't happen in the 'civilised West' and yet the recent Tickle vs Giggle case in Australia has effectively removed the right of women to organise themselves and meet without men.

Women's sport has been impacted by allowing males to compete in the female categories if those men have wanted to.

In this country there have been attacks on women (by men) who have tried to meet away from men to discuss the protection of women's rights and rights as simple and obvious as the right of women to request a same sex HCPs have been diminished.

One of the markers of a civilised society is single sex toilets. I read on here a few years ago, about a film made in India about women fighting for the right to have female toilets in a rural farming community. This is because women in rural communities have/had to organise themselves to go to the toilet in a field in groups and at certain times of day only to avoid being raped.

Single sex toilets are a marker of a civilised society because they allow women the freedom to be independent without a chaperone. And why do we need a chaperone? And yet, look how quick we have been in the UK (and other countries), whilst in some countries women are fighting for the right to have single sex toilets, to fall over ourselves to abandon and dismantle that right in the name of kindness and equality. and why? Because it's what some men want.

We all know rape is still under reported and/because conviction rates are incredibly low. And a combination of the prevalence of rape myths and concern for the impact a conviction will have on a man's future allows this to happen.

Etc etc etc.

Everytime, the wants of men are put above the needs and rights of women, women's rights are dismantled just a little bit more, our collective voice becomes quieter and the security of our future rights are compromised. It's a sliding scale, the thin end of the wedge, the tip of the iceberg.

Every week, there are reports in the news of women who have been killed by men who sought to control them and many more that don't even make the news because it is so commonplace to not even be 'news' now.

And there are many women who support it because, whilst men control the narrative, our only option is to acquiesce or we lose our jobs, we face threats of/actual violence, including sexual violence, we face risk to our families, or are at risk of the police turning up to question us about 'wrong think' or actual imprisonment. Or death.

Whether the vehicle is religion, or ideology, or a desire to be kind, or just plain old fear, all that needs to happen for women's rights to be eroded is for men to make that choice. People who speak up against the oppression of women; the removal of women's rights are dismissed and villified with accusations of 'phobia', asked why were not being kind, or blamed - we are framed as the problem and controlled, silenced and punished.

This is not about the men we know individually, the men we love, have raised, trust and who love us in return. We've all seen the photos of women in Iran in the 1970s compared with today. There is no reason why these oppressions couldn't happen anywhere if enough men want it.

Because I've followed this thread with interest and dismay.

The situation women are now facing in Afghaniistan is unimaginable and I agree that, sadly, there is little that can realistically be done to challenge and change it for all the reasons given.

There have been many segues and discussions of other religions and women's rights in general.

I'm not a religious person and ii don't have a faith. To my mind, faith is one thing and it brings many people a lot of comfort during difficult times. However, religion is a man made construct that has always been about control. And, invariably, it is 'man' made; men made the rules and men ennforce the rules. And many of those rules impact negatively on women and have done so across the centuries.

I know many Muslims, male and female. The men are exactly what anyone would consider to he kind, loving, reasonable and supportive men. The women who wear the hiijab, burkhas etc are strong, intelligent, witty women who do so by choice and would defend their right to do so. Islam, at its heart, is a peaceful faith. So this is not about Islam but women's rights in general.

There have been discussions on whether similar could happen here and what would happen if 'sharia law' were 'democratically' enforced here and whether it could happen here. Someone explained how it could happen. Before the GE, I read a thread about a woman who had to vote the way her husband told her to. So, in some homes, women's votes are already controlled.

The bottom line for me is that we still only have an illusion of equality.

Women only enjoy equality and women's rights because, and as far as, men allow us to. And we will only ever enjoy them for as long as men allow us to. I'm not referring to individual men in our lives who champion and support us (although there are many, many threads on MN that show how many women are not permitted equality and freedoms in their own lives by the men in their lives) but as a society.

People have already referred to anti abortion laws in the US. The fact that women, in some states, no longer have bodily autonomy and freedom of choice. None of those laws are about protecting unborn babies; they are about controlling women.

There are countries across the world where women can be imprisoned if they suffer a miscarriage.

So many think these atrocities couldn't happen in the 'civilised West' and yet the recent Tickle vs Giggle case in Australia has effectively removed the right of women to organise themselves and meet without men.

Women's sport has been impacted by allowing males to compete in the female categories if those men have wanted to.

In this country there have been attacks on women (by men) who have tried to meet away from men to discuss the protection of women's rights and rights as simple and obvious as the right of women to request a same sex HCPs have been diminished.

One of the markers of a civilised society is single sex toilets. I read on here a few years ago, about a film made in India about women fighting for the right to have female toilets. This is because women in rural communities have/had to organise themselves to go to the toilet in a field in groups to avoid being raped.

Single sex toilets are a marker of a civilised society because they allow women the freedom to be independent without a chaperone. And why do we need a chaperone? And yet, look how quick we have been in the UK (and other countries), whilst in some countries women are fighting for the right to have single sex toilets, to fall over ourselves to abandon and dismantle that right in the name of kindness and equality. and why? Because it's what some men want.

We all know rape is still under reported and /because conviction rates are incredibly low. And a combination of the prevalence of rape myths and concern for the impact a conviction will have on a man's future allows this to happen.

Etc etc etc.

Everytime, the wants of men are put above the needs and rights of women, women's rights are dismantled just a little bit more, our colective voice becomes quieter, the security of our future rights are compromised.

Every week, there are reports in the news of women who have been killed by men who sought to control them and many more that don't even make the news because it is so commonplace to not even be 'news' now.

And there are many women who support it because, whilst men control the narrative, our only option is to acquiesce or we lose our jobs, we face threats of/actual violence, including sexual violence, we face risk to our families, or are at risk of the police turning up to question us about 'wrong think' or actual imprisonment. Or death.

Whether the vehicle is religion, or ideology, or a desire to be kind, or just plain old fear, all that needs to happen for women's rights to be eroded is for men to make that choice. People who speak up against the oppression of women; the removal of women's rights are dismissed and villoified with accusations of 'phobia', accusations of not being kind, or blamed - we are framed as the problem and controlled, silenced and punished.

This is not about the men we know individually, the men we love, have raised, trust and who love us in return. We've all seen the photos of women in Iran in the 1970s compared with today. There is no reason why these oppressions couldn't happen anywhere if enough men wanted it.

EasternStandard · 29/08/2024 09:40

Blueybanditbingochilli · 29/08/2024 09:33

But why does this particular interpretation of Islam result in such uniform devastation and oppression, compared with literal interpretation of other religions which tends to either be fairly peaceful or a small minority? That’s what I’m asking, and I’m open to answers.

It's a good question hopefully answered, and I'd be interested to know which countries under this religion are freer for women and girls

I would say the hold of any religion over a society can be linked to how embedded it is for the education (or indoctrination) of children

GreyCarpet · 29/08/2024 09:42

Ah sorry, for some reason, my post repeated itself!

The crux of it is that women only enjoy equality and women's rights because, and as far as, men allow us to. And we will only ever enjoy them for as long as men allow us to

GreyCarpet · 29/08/2024 09:52

The UK has its issues but the number of men who believe women should not be allowed to speak outside their homes is probably absolutely tiny, even fairly misogynistic men would think you were bonkers for suggesting it.

And, yet, there are women in the UK who are isolated from their friends and families, not allowed to work, not allowed access to SM, not allowed to leave the house or to have a mobile phone by a single man in their life.

I knew a woman a few years ago - our childen did the same hobby. They were fairly wealthy, they had a beautiful home and yet, she wasn't allowed to have a phone. She had no contact with the outside world unless he permitted it.

I wouldn't be so sure that they would all think it bonkers at all.

EasternStandard · 29/08/2024 10:01

GreyCarpet · 29/08/2024 09:52

The UK has its issues but the number of men who believe women should not be allowed to speak outside their homes is probably absolutely tiny, even fairly misogynistic men would think you were bonkers for suggesting it.

And, yet, there are women in the UK who are isolated from their friends and families, not allowed to work, not allowed access to SM, not allowed to leave the house or to have a mobile phone by a single man in their life.

I knew a woman a few years ago - our childen did the same hobby. They were fairly wealthy, they had a beautiful home and yet, she wasn't allowed to have a phone. She had no contact with the outside world unless he permitted it.

I wouldn't be so sure that they would all think it bonkers at all.

If you see the similarities where would you rather live?

Or your dds, sisters, female friends

(apply to whichever you have)

DogInATent · 29/08/2024 10:03

Blueybanditbingochilli · 29/08/2024 09:33

But why does this particular interpretation of Islam result in such uniform devastation and oppression, compared with literal interpretation of other religions which tends to either be fairly peaceful or a small minority? That’s what I’m asking, and I’m open to answers.

Probably because it's emerged in a country that's been an international punching bag since the beginnings of the Great Game, and that has never been allowed to freely decide it's own identity. The Taliban themselves are a recent movement, and the creation of an external influence.

The other Abrahamic religions, Christianity and Judaism, both have their own fundamental extremists movements that aren't shy of using violence or oppression.

GreyCarpet · 29/08/2024 10:04

EasternStandard · 29/08/2024 10:01

If you see the similarities where would you rather live?

Or your dds, sisters, female friends

(apply to whichever you have)

Edited

That's not really the point I was making...

The political reasons that left the Taliban in charge is a conversation but its not the reason why women can't speak outside of the home or look at a man who isn't a direct relative.

That's happened because men wanted it.

We sleepwalk into giving away our rights at our own peril.

EasternStandard · 29/08/2024 10:09

GreyCarpet · 29/08/2024 10:04

That's not really the point I was making...

The political reasons that left the Taliban in charge is a conversation but its not the reason why women can't speak outside of the home or look at a man who isn't a direct relative.

That's happened because men wanted it.

We sleepwalk into giving away our rights at our own peril.

Edited

It's not really useful to try and equate a story here and the reality there.

If you look at the horror women and girls are enduring it's no where near society, generally, here.

Those that look to the faults of the west over the oppressive and dangerous regime are skipping over that reality. No one would choose it.

Blueybanditbingochilli · 29/08/2024 10:10

GreyCarpet · 29/08/2024 09:52

The UK has its issues but the number of men who believe women should not be allowed to speak outside their homes is probably absolutely tiny, even fairly misogynistic men would think you were bonkers for suggesting it.

And, yet, there are women in the UK who are isolated from their friends and families, not allowed to work, not allowed access to SM, not allowed to leave the house or to have a mobile phone by a single man in their life.

I knew a woman a few years ago - our childen did the same hobby. They were fairly wealthy, they had a beautiful home and yet, she wasn't allowed to have a phone. She had no contact with the outside world unless he permitted it.

I wouldn't be so sure that they would all think it bonkers at all.

How many women does that apply to here versus there, do you think?

Blueybanditbingochilli · 29/08/2024 10:13

The fact is if men in the UK collectively wanted to keep women under lock and key, they could do it tomorrow. There would be absolutely nothing to stop them, we would be defenceless. So why don’t they?

TheKeatingFive · 29/08/2024 10:13

DogInATent · 29/08/2024 10:03

Probably because it's emerged in a country that's been an international punching bag since the beginnings of the Great Game, and that has never been allowed to freely decide it's own identity. The Taliban themselves are a recent movement, and the creation of an external influence.

The other Abrahamic religions, Christianity and Judaism, both have their own fundamental extremists movements that aren't shy of using violence or oppression.

It's not just Afghanistan though, is it?

If you were to make a list of the worst 5 countries in the world to be a woman in right now - looking at women's rights compared to men in these countries and compared to global norms - what night he a common factor?

GreyCarpet · 29/08/2024 10:15

Blueybanditbingochilli · 29/08/2024 10:10

How many women does that apply to here versus there, do you think?

More than it should because the answer should be none. It shouldn't be happening to any women anywhere.

I'm not saying thebUK is as bad as Afghanistan on women's rights. Of course I'm not.

But I do think women need to recognise that we only have the rights and freedoms we have because men allow it and we have seen what happens in other countries, and our own to a much lesser degree, when men change their minds.

Blueybanditbingochilli · 29/08/2024 10:16

GreyCarpet · 29/08/2024 10:15

More than it should because the answer should be none. It shouldn't be happening to any women anywhere.

I'm not saying thebUK is as bad as Afghanistan on women's rights. Of course I'm not.

But I do think women need to recognise that we only have the rights and freedoms we have because men allow it and we have seen what happens in other countries, and our own to a much lesser degree, when men change their minds.

Edited

Oh that’s a bit of a cop out. The answer is it is very very rare in the UK, but applies to every single Afghan woman.

As for your second paragraph, why haven’t the men here changed their minds? They could do what they want with us at any time. Why don’t they?

GreyCarpet · 29/08/2024 10:21

Blueybanditbingochilli · 29/08/2024 10:13

The fact is if men in the UK collectively wanted to keep women under lock and key, they could do it tomorrow. There would be absolutely nothing to stop them, we would be defenceless. So why don’t they?

Because they haven't decided to do that. Because there are enough of them that would currently see it as abhorrent.

But none of these things happen overnight.

And I'm not suggesting it would happen here.

But, in theory, it could.

Blueybanditbingochilli · 29/08/2024 10:24

GreyCarpet · 29/08/2024 10:21

Because they haven't decided to do that. Because there are enough of them that would currently see it as abhorrent.

But none of these things happen overnight.

And I'm not suggesting it would happen here.

But, in theory, it could.

Of course it could but it’s very unlikely, because the majority of men have not been raised under extreme ideology which teaches that women are temptation and there need almost complete suppression to prevent men from being ‘led astray’.

TheKeatingFive · 29/08/2024 10:24

GreyCarpet · 29/08/2024 10:21

Because they haven't decided to do that. Because there are enough of them that would currently see it as abhorrent.

But none of these things happen overnight.

And I'm not suggesting it would happen here.

But, in theory, it could.

You're being totally disingenuous here. And you know that.

A huge part of it is that the culture of the country, heavily influenced by prevailing religious discourse (or lack of one) empowers men to do this, or not.

You know this as well as anyone - and you aren't doing women any favours by trying to ignore it.

DogInATent · 29/08/2024 10:34

TheKeatingFive · 29/08/2024 10:13

It's not just Afghanistan though, is it?

If you were to make a list of the worst 5 countries in the world to be a woman in right now - looking at women's rights compared to men in these countries and compared to global norms - what night he a common factor?

According to global measures, the worst five are:

  • Afghanistan
  • Syria
  • South Sudan
  • DRC
  • Chad
The most common shared features are corruption and poverty against a backdrop of civil war/unrest, a colonial history, and dictatorship. Two of the three are dominant Christian (South Sudan, DRC), and Chad is 55:41 Islam:Christian. So if you're trying to assign female oppression to just one religion, you're out of luck.
GreyCarpet · 29/08/2024 10:35

Blueybanditbingochilli · 29/08/2024 10:24

Of course it could but it’s very unlikely, because the majority of men have not been raised under extreme ideology which teaches that women are temptation and there need almost complete suppression to prevent men from being ‘led astray’.

And yet our society still asks what a woman was wearing when she was raped, where she was, whether she'd been drinking, what she was doing, whether she'd been flirting with him.

The advice to women is don't walk alone after dark, park under a street light, don't sleep with your window open, carry your keys to avoid being raped.

Of course, we know the realities of rape but my post isn't about that.

Tbose 'myths' still exist and our society still blames women for 'tempting' men.

It just doesn't impose such heavy restrictions.