To be jealous of second pregnancies

[ThisPeachSnake]

It isn't a good look to be jealous, I know, but I just don't understand how people afford two children under school age!
It's the childcare costs for us, already pay £1400 full time, and that's with the 15 hours! (We were paying £1800 before).
How do people afford to pay that, twice? I really do want another child, but feel old for such an age gap to wait until my first is in school.
When I see mums at the nursery who are expecting their second, it upsets me no end.

I am on a decent wage, and so is my partner (around 5k combined pcm).

I just don't get it!!! Probably sounding like a spoilt child but upsetting so needed to get it out!

Seems a bit OTT unless you are struggling with infertility?

I had my first at 31 and just had my 2nd at 36, you are deffo not too old.

We wouldn't have been able to afford 2 in nursery when my eldest was younger and even before that we decided I wanted to wait until my eldest was at school so I had lots of time to spent with just the baby...as well as nursery costs!

We earn similar to you and had our second when DD1 was 3.5. It meant that we could take her out of private nursery while I was on maternity leave and she just went to playgroup for her free childcare hours, then she started reception so when I went back to work we were just paying for the baby in childcare so the same costs as before.
We were also very lucky to have help from my parents who did one day a week childcare for free.
It was quite a big age gap but worked well for us and had lots of advantages.

We also live in a cheaper part of the UK so childcare was cheaper too I guess.
Where do you live? Is moving an option?
Or one or both of you reducing or compressing hours so you can drop a day of childcare?

It is expensive but I think people manage because it's just for a shot time. We just had UK caravan holidays those years for example , and not many meals out or takeaways. Bought lots of clothes on ebay for the DC.

Second babies are cheaper too because you have most of the baby stuff you need.

In the south east of England, if you have 2 in nursery, you have either got family help in some sort of way or are far richer (2 in nursery could be 4k in some areas)

The other option which is our option is one person stays at home.

Honestly planning around the 30 hours or starting school is really not that big of a gap. Starting school at 4, work back a years maternity and then you can take oldest out of you can’t afford private nursery, work back 9 months, it’s trying for the second when youngest is around 2/2.5. It’s really not that far off.

You will not need the nursery fees cost when you're on mat leave so time it so you give birth 12 months before eldest starts reception.

For some that can mean getting pregnant when eldest is 2y3m.

My gap is four and a half years. It wasn't completely intentional (miscarriage, clinics closing for COVID, saving for IVF) but it is quite nice. If you have to have a bigger gap than you would like it is not that bad. It is actually getting more common now.

Your bill seems incredibly high, are there no alternatives you could look at like a childminder, or you and your partner both doing compressed hours to free up 1/2 days a week? Most people I know waited til the 30 hours of funding kicked in before having a second. And remember - it's second child, not second pregnancy. I'm on my second pregnancy now, but it will be my first child.

We had two 18 months apart and honestly the only "secret" is that we (mainly I) earn more. It's been a real stretch and we've used up our savings to pay for the nursery fees.
We are only starting to breathe a bit now that our youngest is getting the 15h hours.

We knew it was going to be tight when we decided to go for a second, but inflation has made it way worse than we had planned. Nursery fees on their own increased by almost 15% in that time (x2!).

The good news for you @ThisPeachSnake is that I had my first at 35 and the second at 37, so on my standards you have loads of time!

I'm pregnant with my second and my 2yo just became eligible for the 15h funding from this month, it shaved about £350 off our monthly bill. He goes 4 days a week.

When the second is born I plan to keep him in at 4 days for at least a couple of months, then when I feel settled with baby 2 I might take him down to 3 days to save a bit of money. He adores nursery and is doing so well there, I absolutely would not take him fully out unless we were on death's doorstep with being able to afford it.

By the time number 2 goes to nursery, DS should be eligible for 30 hours, and I guess we don't know yet whether the 30h for 9month olds is going to be stuck to by Labour? But if it does, we'll have 2 children on 4 days a week with 30h funding each, so I'm hoping we'll be ok. I only get SMP through my mat leave and have struggled to save up during this pregnancy due to existing nursery fees, hopefully can put a bit more away now we are getting funded hours so the first part of mat leave isn't so tight.

I'm just about to turn 35 so you've actually got lots of time if you wanted a 3-4 year gap anyway!

We waited so that by the time DS was born DD was 4 and would start school before I finished maternity leave. We couldn't afford 2 in childcare at once (and DS is going to a cheaper childminder compared to DDs expebsive nursery)

You should explore condensed hours if your and your husband's employer would allow it. 100% over 4 days is tough, but they are other options when combined with part time.
I do 90% FTE over 4 days, it's just an hour more on each working day so quite manageable. It helped cutting down the nursery fees and I get to spend more time with the children.

I don’t think it’s any different to most people you either:

• Earn enough to afford two in nursery so do that
• Become a SAHP for a few years
• Have a larger age gap to save up/reduce childcare costs etc

Lots of people have no choice but to manage. Sounds like you hsve plenty of money to me. If you can't afford nursery fees can't you ba a sahm and go back work when they in school