To be jealous of second pregnancies

[ThisPeachSnake]

It isn't a good look to be jealous, I know, but I just don't understand how people afford two children under school age!
It's the childcare costs for us, already pay £1400 full time, and that's with the 15 hours! (We were paying £1800 before).
How do people afford to pay that, twice? I really do want another child, but feel old for such an age gap to wait until my first is in school.
When I see mums at the nursery who are expecting their second, it upsets me no end.

I am on a decent wage, and so is my partner (around 5k combined pcm).

I just don't get it!!! Probably sounding like a spoilt child but upsetting so needed to get it out!

That sounds good! Its great they could be so flexible. I asked about this as well but they couldn't guarantee me a FT place when I go back to work in Jan, which would leave me 8months to cover until DD1 starts school in Sept 25. I think the 30hrs saving is helping to cushion the blow that it still feels cheaper at least!

I hear you OP!

A full time place is £2000+ now locally.

Two will cost me £4,000 a month with only the 15 free hours at 3.

One of my friend is currently paying £4,600 a month for two - no tax free childcare or free hours.

Birth rate in London has dropped by 20% in 5 years. I can’t possibly imagine why…

Stretched over 51 weeks. I'm a civil servant so couldn't do term time only at the minute.

Our rent is 1500 (London, I know we need to move but honestly it's overwhelming!) For some reason, 30 hours for a 3 year old at this nursery is still 1427. Which makes no sense to me at all!!

Ah crikey OP that is really tough, I know it'll feel like everyone is having 2nd kids but I'm sure there will lots of others in the SE in a similar circumstance. You could potentially look at getting pregnant when eldest is just over 3, 4 year gap and then they start school as you go back to work and youngest starts nursery? A 4 year gap really isn't so large, mine is only slightly under that and I have quite a few friends with a 4 year gap. But not sure if you're in commiserating or solution mode, but yes that absolutely sucks, you have a good wage, it seems ridiculous that you are priced out of 2 pre schoolers, SE prices are insane.

Ps I too now remember the 30 free hours not making anywhere near the saving we thought it would, it was devastating at the time. We were one of the first cohorts and we just assumed 30 free hours would be 30 free hours, but of course it's not as simple as that.

Having children is so expensive.

You could have one the year before your youngest goes to school and only send them for the free hours as you'd be home?

Tax free childcare helps a bit, and my mortgage is a 1/3 of your rent as we left London and moved to Scotland!

I am in a very similar position; I also have the added complication of not being able to pause work for a few years due to the professional register! It sucks. I’m 31, will be waiting 3 years until DD is 4 to start to TTC number 2. It took 13 months to conceive DD so I’m not sure how it will go. I’m so jealous of all the other pregnant people. But I keep telling myself these years are for DD to focus on her fully and let her enjoy being our only child (I hated having siblings close in age).
there is a group of 6 of us from my antenatal - only 1 is TTC no 2 - she was made redundant in pregnancy so I think she’s getting it out the way before finding a new job. Everyone else is having a large gap or one and done due to costs so I think it’s more common than is talked about.

Also, I'm outskirts of London but have a childminder and do average 700 a month for 3 days a week with NO free hours.

You live in London... Say no more.

Are you claiming the tax free childcare? That helped us massively!

We did not do this. Child 1 still went to nursery 3 days a week. It would have been incredibly miserable for everyone if he didn’t! He loves nursery and has friends.

He was eligible for 30 hours funded from part way through my leave, then it cost about 250 instead of 500 a month, well worth it.

your assuming we all put our kids in childcare settings or nursery from a very young age

plenty are at home with SAHMS or alternative lifestyle settings

billions don't even go to nursery or school let alone paid childcare

I'm part of the attachment parenting/home education lifestyle
its called radical unschooling
there are millions of us that live this lifestyle

my 19 and 13 y old has never been anywhere but at home

i know some one with 6 under 4 and pregnant again, she has 11 in total(lots of multiples) but kids have never been anywhere but home

I love having a 5 year gap between my two. Mat leave 2nd time meant I could give baby 2 all my attention as the eldest was at school.

Yes, this was my plan but in the words of Veruca Salt:

I want it now!!! 🫠🤣

Yep! It's very helpful but doesn't give enough to afford two fees.

This is what we’re doing. I’m doing nights and Sundays vrs oh’s days and Saturdays. Only due to the col mind, we managed perfectly fine on one wage until a couple of years ago. Other people I know have got extremely lucky with grandparents providing full childcare

We couldn't afford two sets of fees, and neither of us want to be a stay at home parent. We have a five year gap between our two, and for us that has worked perfectly. Eldest started school before baby arrived, so had time to settle in. I have time with just the baby during school days. I had my first at 34 and my second at 39.
At the time i wanted the second kid sooner, but now i wouldn't have it any other way. Eldest child is old enough to be helpful and to not need me as intensively as they did as a toddler.

I think it’s where you live… We live in the north and have great family support. We did live in London but wouldn’t have been able to afford to have even one and would never have got on the property ladder either.

DS is starting a term time nursery for 20 hours at 2 (15 hours fully funded so we pay for 5). Baby no.2 due in a few months so the rest of the time he’ll be with me. I may also drop his hours to 15 when I do go on mat leave.

Both will get 30 hours funding when I return from mat leave. As DS is in a school nursery his will go quite far and we’ll probably top it up to do 8 - 3.30 5 days a week. We’d only pay for 5 hours and should be able to adjust our work hours to do pick ups.

Baby’s funding will be used to do 25 hours a week (1 full and 3 half days) all year round at a private nursery. The estimated cost is currently £220 per month with funding spread across the holidays. Grandparents will have them around nursery so we can both work full time.

Both nurseries are rated outstanding so it’s not just a case we’ve found the cheapest. Being in London is probably your biggest issue.

If waiting lists are long, give notice towards end of pregnancy of eldest leaving nursery and add both eldest & baby on waiting lists together.

Everyone keeping 2 & 3 year olds in nursery during mat leave compounds the shortage of places. We all need to stop doing it, its madness.

At 32 and living in London, don't you get told how young you are to be having kids 😂? Practically a teen mum (not that there's anything wrong with that).

We didn't intend it but there's a lot to be said for a 4-5 year age gap. Get the older one out of nursery and into school (and cheaper wraparound care) before the baby arrives.

Childcare costs is a big reason why we decided I would be a SAHM until the children are in school. We can get by on DH’s salary, and multiple lots of childcare costs would cost more than I would make working full time. It just wouldn’t be worth it. I know being a SAHM isn’t an option for everyone, but I wouldn’t be able to afford to have more than one child if I wasn’t.

@Arrivapercy it is good for the eldest to have consistency and time away from the baby. It is also nice to have time one on one with the baby. Plus you are working on the basis there will be space for the eldest when it is time for the baby to start 😅🫠

I do think buying a house first is critical. Your combined income is higher than ours, but not by much. We have 4DC but our mortgage is £800pcm, so much smaller than rent would be. We couldn't afford rent and childcare for several children. I am also part time (so less on chikdcare) and my parents do 1 day a week for the baby. If you're renting, work full time and have no family help, then I can see it would be very tough

I don't know why anyone would keep an energetic toddler or preschooler at home the whole time with a newborn baby if there was an alternative. Mine would have been climbing the walls while watching hours of TV!