To be jealous of second pregnancies

[ThisPeachSnake]

It isn't a good look to be jealous, I know, but I just don't understand how people afford two children under school age!
It's the childcare costs for us, already pay £1400 full time, and that's with the 15 hours! (We were paying £1800 before).
How do people afford to pay that, twice? I really do want another child, but feel old for such an age gap to wait until my first is in school.
When I see mums at the nursery who are expecting their second, it upsets me no end.

I am on a decent wage, and so is my partner (around 5k combined pcm).

I just don't get it!!! Probably sounding like a spoilt child but upsetting so needed to get it out!

Yep but OP says she can’t afford two sets of nursery fees! Obviously if she could, this wouldn’t be an issue.

🤣 hasn't happened yet!

I guess I'm just worried I'll be too old in 4-5 years (although my first is almost 2, so really only another year and a bit to wait to start trying if I'm to have mat leave round 2 the year before he starts school!)

We had two under school age (3 year gap exactly) and honestly we just coped. I don’t think we gave it much thought? My husband was actually made redundant early on in my second pregnancy, and I quit my job after my second mat leave (we were NOT high earners - bringing home roughly what you are now probably less). We were also pretty young (30 - second child). I don’t remember money really factoring in our decision to have a second if I’m completely honest; maybe that was the naïveté of youth but we were fine. Times were tough for a number of years but they’re 11 & 8 now and it’s all good - my career is back on track and my husband is doing well. I don’t want to encourage recklessness but no time is perfect!! The only difference for us was our mortgage at that point was small (£700 - we bought at a good time just after the crash) and we did have GP help with childcare (but still nursery fees etc)

I feel your pain OP, I’m also desperate for number 2 but struggling to conceive. Our 15 hours have just kicked in this month and it feels a lot easier. Finally! We left London a few years ago in preparation for having kids and love our new life. We’re still commutable but nursery and housing costs are much more reasonable than my friends still there. If you’re tempted it can be a game changer. Good luck on your journey whatever you decide

Urgh. I have the complete opposite reaction and would cross the road to avoid a pregnant school mum or anyone humping a double buggy. If you’re desperate to do it, leave a larger age gap, siblings close in age irritate each other.

We waited until the year before DC1 was school age, so we never have two at nursery at the same time. It's a good age gap. Also 32 isn't too old, I was older then that when I had my DC2.

I had a 4 year age gap for this exact reason. I was 32 when #1 was born and 36 when #2 arrived. I don't feel old at all and love having a 4 year gap. It works so well for our family.

SAHP, part time work, get pregnant with around 9 months to go before oldest still has a year left in nursery. When maternity finishes they'll be in school when baby needs paid childcare. Grandparent support.

Do you have a spare room? In that case having an aupair is a good idea. Cheap childcare in exchange for room and board and pocket money. And before anyone lashes out I used to be one myself a looong time ago and it was a great gap year experience. I loved the children and I got immersed in another culture. Win win for everyone.

That’s a weird reaction! Why which a visceral response to someone with a double buggy? Siblings of any age gap can have an awful relationship and wind each other up!

You have to make sacrifices. Move cheaper use childminders not nurseries. Give up the luxuries - no foreign holidays ten year old car.

Aw, bet they’d be gutted!

Surely you aren’t paying £1400 after the tax free childcare?

I had this view when I had just had my first and started paying for nursery but my husband’s salary gradually went up and nursery would go down in cost when she turned 3 so I got pregnant when first was around 20 months.

We waited until DS would be starting school. As he’s an August baby and I could pull him out of full time nursery in March time we had DD in the March before he started school. Then when I went back to work with DD I only had one set of fee’s. I’d have rather a shorter gap though, 4 school years is quite a lot, and I wish we had sucked the cost up for a year but we didn’t. It’s not a big issue and does mean only 1 at Uni at once (as that part is costly too)

You would cross the road to avoid someone
because they were pregnant…?

Maybe you should have posted how to live in London. You can afford a 2nd child. But you cannot afford it in London.

To answer your question - living in the North - it's not just living which is cheaper but childcare too and help with childcare through UC.

Why on earth is it madness for a child to keep their place because there’s a new baby?
It doesn’t add to the shortage of places at all, since they would still need their place back however many months later.
I’m not going to withdraw my 3 year old, have her resettle at home for a few months just to then have to settle her back into nursery again so I can go back to work. It’s way more disruptive for my child and I’m not going to prioritise someone taking her nursery place over her 🤯

Our age gap is 3 years, and when they were little we had 1 year where things were tight, and basically I worked to pay for childcare fees. However, every year it’s felt a little easier, eg moving from nursery to childminder when they went to school, pay rises and promotions.
It gets easier!!
Also, many of us are a bit rubbish with money when we have it. When things are tighter, we make it work.
x

I was 37 when I had my first so I have to get a move on if I wanted a second! My two kids are 2 years and 4 months apart. My second may leave wasn’t too bad as I had no nursery fees to pay. The rest was financially crippling. We now have no savings and a 15 years old car. DC2 goes to school in Sept.

Tax free childcare is only ~£170 a month.

We had DTs, so I became a sahm until they turned 3 and a bit. My friends have spaced the babies so mum is off on mat leave for the year(ish) before school starts which made it a lot easier financially I think.

Yeah it's really hard to move once you've got children in childcare - I'm in the same boat OP.

However at nursery I imagine lots of the parents don't use it full time so their bill is not as big? My child is only in nursery 2 days a week, grandparents help and I condensed hours to have a day with her. So some of your fellow nursery parents might be similar.

You’ve done nothing wrong. Everybody has their own set up which enables this or restricts this. I was jealous of second pregnancies for a different reason - I couldn’t maintain a pregnancy and had secondary infertility. So even though we had the means for me to stay at home and raise kids, I couldn’t have the next child 🤦🏻‍♀️

Too old?! Don't be ridiculous.

To answer your question. I also live in London. I waited until I was in my mid thirties to try for my first and my forties for my second. We couldn't afford to have kids sooner, or closer in age. I don't understand the obsession with wanting two kids close together