To ask for your favourite sayings/phrases?

[SailAwaySandra]

Mine are

I’d rather be late in this life than early in the next

And

If you want something done properly, do it yourself (bloody annoying but always true)

“I think you’re confusing me with someone who gives a fuck”

(I don’t really understand what your first one means, OP)

I think she might be hinting she's regularly late, because I can't imagine why else you'd have need to say that.

You can’t polish a turd 💩

I know it’s disgusting and childish but the thought of someone getting out the brass polish and giving it some elbow grease always tickles me.

Fuck this.
Fuck that.
Fuck off.

Almost always said inside my head when dealing with nonsense at work.

I think it's " Better to be 30 minutes late in this life than 30 years too early in the next"
Sometimes used in relation to driving too fast.

If in doubt, mumble.

Better late than dead?!

Fortune favours the bold.

We don't hold grudges in this house. Said to the children when they are arguing about something one of them did days ago. Said regularly.

Ahh, yes! That's may very well be it.

When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at......change.

'They will have to jump into the they dug to shit in'. This one is my original.

Like a rat up a drainpipe

Take a long walk off a short pier.

🤣

• They will have to jump into the hole they dug to shit in'. This one is my original.

My Mother in Law has a brilliant one. She’s a very stoic woman. She once described someone as ‘tighter than a gnat’s arse’ and I didn’t stop giggling for ages 😆

Well, that’s far less faff than my version! Thanks for this

The dildo of consequences rarely arrives lubed.

Haha you're welcome!

Not my circus, not my monkeys

The only thing you have to do in life is breathe. Everything else is a choice with consequences.

There are no pockets in shrouds.

My stomach thinks my throats been cut ( I'm hungry )

Like shit off a shovel ( moved fast )

My two favourites!

Smells like something crawled up there and died. A nod to farts, the really bad ones.

Snorted a bit laughing at the gnat's arse comment.

There's two sides to every story - and you're a cunt in both of them

I'd rather shit in my hands and clap.

It's blowing a hoolie