Expecting to be met at Arrivals

[FarFarWay]

(OK, this a while ago - but |I have never cleared it up in my mind; I need other opinions.)

Travelling with an 8 year old, to meet people who I don't really know (even though technically family), and who the child has never met.

Two flights (one upgraded, the other downgraded, by comparison; no spare time in the airport in Japan, just a mad dash to find the plane!), about 22 hours in the air total, plus the travel down to Heathrow/check-in etc. (Also a week before Christmas). Almost the only child on the flight, and even though a "special meal", most of it was not to her liking - not fussy but never eaten sushi etc. So she was a bit hungry and tired when we landed.

The people we were to be staying with lived approx 40 minutes away.
Not only did a carful of people who my eight year old had never met, EVENTUALLY turn up - but we had to sit and wait for them to get there.

Before anyone says "Let it go....". The main player of that group has recently brought up the trip, and what a (not-quite-but almost-) disaster it was - but the then eight-year-old has never seen these (important, arguably) people ever again, and this is now being held against her by the main player.

Despite appearances, I am not a grudge holder but, in my over-thinking way, I have actually tried to figure out the actual science of this flight and how much time was needed for them to be there to greet us. And I am a bit pissed at the "they", as the delay was blamed on the wife element doing her hair, when she really did not need to come as well, as it made the whole thing into a bigger deal, when we - and especially my daughter - would have really appreciated it being casual and low key - let alone there actually be someone - anyone - present, when we came through the Arrival doors to ---- [crickets].

By my (bad) calculations, they didn't even set off until we landed.... but due to the time-travel aspect of hours behind/ahead, am I getting it wrong?

(PS - on the one hand, this light-hearted, but on the other - as I said, she has never seen them again, and so sometimes, it seems like it happened yesterday.)

You might as well write the full story, as you've written bits of it throughout this very confusing thread.

I realise that you are being helpful - I think....

But I am beyond being so bothered about how the thread has gone. My initial issue remains - as does the bigger picture.

(Keeping it succinct.)

<sigh>

Our education system really is shit now, isn't it?

Some of us did(do) understand the OP's posts.

Did you read the rest of them?

And why come mob-handed to the airport to meet visitors if there's then no room in the car??

(Did you miss that bit?)

I think she's been pretty restrained considering some of the very rude responses she's had

Yes, I read it all. How you see malice in their actions is beyond me. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Nobody said there was any malice in what happened (at the airport), and I don't know how you can interpret what I have written as me saying it was malicious.

When we were leaving - we were again - and God knows why, as I think everyone had had enough of everyone at that point - being crammed unsafely into the equivalent of a Ford estate (the one I had "borrowed" to get out of their hair once or twice....). The car was at the top of their steep downward sloping driveway and I was hardly in my seat, my leg was certainly still on the ground and the door open... and my father set off at a great (pissed off as he was) speed. I was lucky that most of me was in the car, as it could have been very nasty - and (haha) would have prolonged the stay had I been injured.

So, the end of the trip as well as the start was about my father and his nasty mentality and really truly not giving a shit about me - and to a lesser extent my daughter. Although he has of course proved over the intervening years, that he 100% does not care about her as well.

@Nanny0gg
I am just not relating very well to the majority of those who have read the post, it seems.

I certainly would not like to confuse anyone further. If they feel they might be, they shouldn't read it, so simple.

And believe me, the "full unabridged story" always confuses people, even when they asked me to tell. them. It's not my bloody fault that it happened the way it did, and/or that it might be uncomfortable listening for some.

Honestly, I think you need to move on...

OP, do you have friends that you can talk to about this? I feel like you’re really going through it at the moment, and you need someone to show you some warmth and kindness. I imagine that’s what you were hoping for when you posted here but it seems a lot (not all) have been determined not to even try and understand what you’ve said.

You clearly have a TERRIBLE person for a father, and whilst some of the incidents you described might not seem like a big deal to most people, the fact that these have been almost the sum total of your interactions with him means these things will always live large in your memory. They’re basically your ONLY memories of him.

It’s really not fair that you’ve been handed such awful parents 💐

Page 30, and have you yet told us in simple words in a simple sentence how many years ago this trip to NZ actually was ?

as it was not Christmas gone was it !

Fgs.

OP has already said it was ‘some time ago’ in her op, so this isn’t the ‘gotcha’ you think it is. Op has specifically said the memories of this incident have been brought to her mind because her father had brought it up recently.

I don't have to.
It's relevant - to me - due to recent events.

You're just making yourself look pointlessly nasty now.

Thank you (again) @SwingTheMonkey

You ask someone (family) to fly halfway round the bloody world to see you and you can't sort out transport?

Stupid or uncaring?

That makes me smile --- it is a summary of my whole first post!
(some would say)

They did sort out transport. Her whole family were kind enough to all go to meet her. Astonishing that you regard that so negatively.

She didn't have to sit on anybody's knee. It might have been a tight squeeze but they didn't transport her on the roof rack for god's sale. She was clearly just grumpy about the whole thing from the outset and now she's grumping about it here, some considerable time after the event. I suspect whatever they did, it would have been an outrageous slur in her eyes and it seems, yours.

@Pupinskipops

If I had been allowed to have a say in it - which I wasn't, as them all turning up (late) was a surprise - I would have chosen for just my father to meet us. Given the precarious relationship, long interval, my stepmother's disdain towards me, and not having seen the boys for nearly 10 years - it would have been better, in my very humble opinion to have met them all at home; there was plenty of time. But I had no say, and we ended up with a sneering, uncomfortable "pick up" at a fast food restaurant. Nice. We deserved better.

Like I said, I have always idealised the relationship, although less so nowadays. And I certainly did "back then". And my daughter was so excited - but all she got was told to hurry up hurry up (for some reason), crushed into the back of the car, and given a bowl of slimy spinach for supper. I felt - and still feel it more for her than myself.

Another thing to add (I hope it doesn't make the "story" even more confusing); he had been writing to me arranging the trip - and he sent me a photo of the view from their upper deck (bigger than a balcony, I'm not sure what they're called), over the trees to the beach. BUT when he sent that, the letters had been coming "from Brisbane". When we got to the house - in Brown's Bay, North Island, New Zealand - the view was the one from the photo! He had even been lying about where they were living [I can't remember at which point he told me they moved from Oz to NZ, because anyway they actually didn't, and had been there all the time!].

@Pupinskipops

you missed out how late they were picking them up, tho having read 10+ posts of the Op just now I am not convinced we were ever informed...

but it was at least 40 mins as that is how far away they live...

only a bowl of spinach for her first meal in NZ ? WOW what a shame McDonalds isn't your type of food...

In my long ago experience, you're hungry straight away after eating it (or is that Chinese?). The reasons were twofold - both of us didn't want it, and the possibility of my father's reaction if we were eating there instead of just sitting there (which was bad enough!).

The spinach was served up by the stepmother who only allowed her sons one packet of crisps per week remember (and also, during this trip and another one, contributed to my awful eating disorder).

How is this thread still going? I thought I hid it and still keep getting notifications!

Make it stop!

But you don't need to look; don't be nasty.
It's in your hands.

Yep, maybe uncomfortable, but there's no malice in that and it sounds to me at though it was well meant, even if it missed the mark. But to hold on to that and complain about it to Mumsnet long after they event...?

The OP sounds more and more inflexible with each comment. She was a guest, but because her family planned things differently to how she would have done she seems to think they're monstrous heathens.

A fast food restaurant?! Oh, dear God, NO!

When you say you weren't allowed a say on how you were picked up, do you mean you were explicitly denied a view when you discussed it, or that it wasn't discussed at all, which is a very different thing, and seems perfectly normal to me? The fact that you'd not seen each other for a while and that you had difficult relations further supports my reading of the situation that they wanted to make nice, by all coming to pick you up. They were welcoming you, together.

I have to say, you sound as though you wanted it all bto go badly from the outset and you've picked out every tiny thing that could possibly be turned into a fault. Sorry to say it, but you just sound inflexible, ungrateful and a very selfish guest. Not sure why you went on the first place.

You've lost me with the balcony thing, sorry.