Am I being a bit precious?

[Sad27YearOld]

I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years and generally he’s extremely kind and loving.
I suffer a lot with anxiety and do worry about a lot of things excessively.

We’ve had a hard few months - some bereavements, financial issues and job difficulties but we’re coming out the other side.

I am somebody who loves romantic gestures and goes out of my way to do these things. DP sometimes does but this doesn’t come naturally to him - he instead shows his love by being kind everyday, listening to me when I’m down, and being affectionate (giving hugs, holding my hand etc).

I have said lots of times that I absolutely love notes. I sometimes leave a little note with his lunch or in his bag. He’s done this a handful of times but not very often at all.
I also love acts of kindness/service so for example when he was super busy I took his car out and got it cleaned.

Now here is where I am worried I’m being precious:

• At a time where he struggled for money, I helped with petrol. Since things have improved he says he’ll get me a tank of petrol. He does say this a lot, but there’s been chances for him to take my car out when I am asleep or something, and he hasn’t. I also went to fill up yesterday and he was in the car, but he said he forgot and ‘it wasn’t on his mind’
• I have a big day at work today (a big presentation) and my work bag was downstairs. I feel he could’ve left a note for this whilst I was asleep and he was leaving for work.

He is very busy and he’s exhausted, he’s up at half 5 and works long hours. I feel I should give him a break but also I don’t know why it’s so hard?!
I said to him I do worry that it’s all talk and that he doesn’t actually want to. He said he does want to. He said that it’s ‘okay for him to forget/for it not to be on his mind at all times’. He also says he forgets all the other things he does to show love

Am I being a bit unreasonable here?

I think you are way over the top sorry. Just because you like ‘notes’ doesn’t mean he has to. You say he is supportive and kind in other ways.

In answer to your question, yes, yes you are.

Yes I do feel you are a bit precious. Also a bit controlling about how he expresses his love. I can tell you read Five Languages of Love. May I recommend Why Women Talk and Men Walk? Listed in the book are 50 ways women upset men without trying. Well worth a read in my opinion. I hope it helps

If spontaneous notes are so important to you, I think you need to find a new partner. The other option is to write your own note and get him to sign it, which is effectively what you are doing already by constantly reminding him to leave you notes.

Good Lord, I feel sorry for the bloke!

Oh dear god the poor guy

I don’t give him a hard time about the notes, I mentioned I like them and I have left some for him. I’ve never ever said anything about him not doing them - I just worry about it and I’m wondering if it’s unreasonable.

About the petrol, I do worry about being with someone who is all talk and says the right things but doesn’t actually follow through

Sorry, YABVU.
Just because you love notes, doesn't mean you should expect them. Trying to force someone into your world of wonders never works. If something doesn't come naturally to someone, it never will be something they consider (even if they have a DP and thus 'should make an effort')
You also contradict yourself. you say he shows his love in non-romantic ways ( by being kind everyday, listening to me when I’m down, and being affectionate (giving hugs, holding my hand etc), yet then say 'He said that it’s ‘okay for him to forget/for it not to be on his mind at all times’. He also works hard and that you should give him a break
I think you need to decide whether or not this poor man is fitting your ideal of a romantic partner. He's obviously not a coach and horses filled with roses kind of bloke, and you want romance demonstrated overtly
Life, working, money, heralth all take their toll on even the most romantic of couples. If he isn't doing what you think he should now, then you need to find someone that will, because this man will never fit your requirements

OP, ask him to fill your tank directly and be done with it.
The note business is insane and honestly I think if you need this type of thing then you are not compatible with your partner.

If your partner was my brother I would be advising him to be very very wary and perhaps to rethink things.

I don't mean to be harsh but it sounds exhausting and like you have far too much time on your hands.

If he is a kind decent man, then give him a break before he starts to think life would be easier on his own.

If you believe him to be tight and not paying his way, that is a different matter?

I would cringe writing a love note. It's just not my thing and it would feel disingenuous. I'd die of embarrassment reading a love note. That's just who I am and it might be how your partner feels too.

We're all different. Can you find something you're both comfortable with?

Stop watching rom-com movies.

Honestly no man is going to give you love notes.
Typically in the beginning of a relationship there may be flowers etc but in my experience it never lasts.

Men just aren’t thoughtful that way.

Personally, my Dh and I speak to one another. He’s not a mind reader and leaving notes is your thing, not his. You’re being way OTT.

Yes you are being unreasonable. Unclench.

I really cringe at this kind of stuff as well

I also love acts of kindness/service

What on earth have I just read? You expected your boyfriend to leave a note in your bag? If there was any chance that your boyfriend might read this, I would advise him to run for the hills!

What sort of things on the notes does he have to say ? I'm intrigued

Next time you’re at the petrol station just ask him to pay.

The note thing is crazy tbh…and the petrol, just ask him to fill it up or he will think your not bothered

I know it’s frowned upon on Mumsnet to say “You sound like hard work”, but you sound like hard work.

It sounds like he is a good guy who works hard and treats you well. Trying to force something that doesn't come naturally (i.e. writing love notes) will just frustrate you and start to irritate him. Enjoy him for who he is (provided all else in the relationship is good) and don't try and mould him into something different.

It might start to come across to him as though he is not good enough no matter what he does, unless he does exactly what you want him to do. If I were him I would get irritated pretty quickly. I can imagine sitting there with a blank piece of paper googling 'what to write in a love note'...

Yeah this is extremely precious. Just listen to his actual words that he's saying to you rather than needing it put on paper.