AIBU to be suspicious?

[AIBU2bjealous]

Posted yesterday about DH and a female friend. Maybe she made a pass, maybe not. I don’t really have any reason not to trust DH, but she seems a bit keen on him and it makes me uncomfortable. After not seeing each other for a while, DH told me they’d made plans for this week. I asked what they would be doing today and he told me: she’d invited him over to her house as her DH is away. He’s to come over after dinner when her DC are sleeping.

is my DH completely oblivious? Is this a bit odd? I have male friends who are platonic but I wouldn’t invite them to mine in this circumstance without their partner or children! AIBU to find this odd?

Without knowing your DH it's hard to know if he's oblivious or cheating but it's quitw blatantly overstepping the mark to go round the house of woman who seems quite openly interested, in the evening specifically when her partner is away

Is he generally a bit thick? Does he usually lack critical thinking? If not then I'd say he knows what he's doing

I wouldn’t be comfortable with this. I didn’t see your previous thread. Have you aired this concern? If so, what did you take from his response?

I have male friends that I have happily had over for dinner just the two of us.

But with that there's not been any history of maybe coming on to each other etc - what happened there? Did she do something that you saw? That DH told you about? That someone else mentioned to you? Have you spoken to DH about it?

Is this an old friend?

Yes, it’s an old friend, they never had a romantic relationship but have always gotten on quite well.

briefly: we moved back to the village where they grew up, they saw each other once a month or so (sometimes with me and her DH and our kids, sometimes alone). One night he came back after being at the pub for a few and said the next day he’d had too much to drink and was stopping for a bit. (He never drinks more than one). He didn’t see her for several months until we met with our DC and she was sort of fawning over him, looking longingly, giving him compliments. I don’t know if he made a pass or she did on that other night (or if nothing happened).

I have told him I feel a bit jealous of her (she’s sort of perfect, she’s beautiful and wealthy and intelligent and glamorous) and he’s told me I have nothing to be worried about. But the way that she looks at him makes me a bit uncomfortable. And now the post-dinner invite with the husband away…it’s a bit odd, isn’t it?

Why was the last thread deleted?

If true then it's odd not to invite both of you round of she's a bit lonely whilst her husband is away and kids are in bed.

Was it?

I was just going to ask why another thread if she posted yesterday.

Well I posted on your last thread OP.
I said then that something obviously happened that night in the pub and the change in their behaviour together was worrying. I thought you should be wary of their relationship going forward.

So I'm not particularly surprised by yout update.

I think though if you are talking to him about his relationship with her and you are saying to him you are bit jealous of this woman you aren't approaching the conversation very well. By saying you are jealous implies that you think you are being unreasonable. Whereas in fact you aren't being unreasonable in questioning why , as a married man, he thinks it's acceptable to go for a date with another woman at night in her own home when her DH is away.
You should be putting it to him that their relationship is too close and inappropriate and asking him to draw back from it, rather than saying you are jealous.

Ehm not AI generated. Just posted another thread for attention because I’m feeling a bit out of my mind!

It wasn't.

The OP bumped it with an update but then decided to start this one also.

And have you done anything or said anything to your husband since the last thread?

He told me this morning before work, I haven’t had a chance to chat with him about it yet, was planning to after the DCs are in bed. Posting here for traffic because I know I can be a bit insecure but do feel this crosses a line?

Absolutely wouldn’t happen on my watch. Whilst it’s obviously fine to have friends of the opposite sex, this is pushing the boundaries far too much. I would feel really uncomfortable sitting on my own on an evening whilst dh visits a female friend, alone, instructed to go after the dcs are in bed. He’s playing this out brazenly in plain sight.

It absolutely crosses a line and I'd put my foot down before it's too late.

The bottom line is you're unhappy and you feel it crosses a line, so it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

You can speak to him any time you want, you don't have to wait until your children are in bed.

No, this wouldn't happen in my marriage or in anyone else's that I know and we are all "normal", well adjusted people. On what planet does a married man go for a cosy dinner for 2 at another woman's house and think his wife will send him on his way with a Pollyana smile? Personally I'd tell him to stay there because he obviously wants to get inside her knickers and he also feels her invitation trumps your discomfort.

sod that for a game of soldiers.
seriously .
how he feel if one of your maarried mates (male)comes to keep you company while hes out then
thats far too stupid/game playerish but seriously them being very upfront and you dont need that shite. tell him, no,thts inappropriate-if he goes-stay gone

To be fair, DH said he would go over after he’d helped me bring our DCs to bed. (Ours are 4 and 2, hers are 6 and 8 so they’re all asleep fairly early?)
I mean if he were up to something why would he be so blatant about it? Or is he completely oblivious. He told me previously that there was never anything between them and if something were to happen, it would have happened by now, which wasn’t really the answer I wanted to hear 😑

I’ve got loads of male friends and think nothing of meeting up with them. I generally find the whole “A man and a woman who are good friends must be having an affair / hoping to have an affair” thing really tedious. But even I don’t think any of my male friends would invite me over with “So, my wife’s away, and the kids will be in bed, so why don’t you come over for dinner? Don’t bring your boyfriend.” And I wouldn’t do the same to them.

Edited to add: I do think it’s possible that your DH is just incredibly naive about his friend’s designs on him, though. I know loads of men who are utterly clueless about that sort of thing.

Just because he's being open about it, doesn't mean it's innocent. Trust your gut OP, it's telling you something is going on here. How would your DH feel if you told him you were going for dinner at a male friend's house while his wife's away? And he was not invited?

It's VERY suspect OP and I don't like the sound of it at all! We don't know your husband but in your shoes, I would be inclined to let him know I did not like it and would appreciate him not going and distancing himself from her. If he hasn't any bad intentions, he'd surely understand why and respect your wishes? He should be prioritising your feelings over hers anyway. I had a married man friend and it never even occurred to me to invite him to mine anywhere we'd be alone WITHOUT his wife! Could you say I'll go to hers with you and see how he and she respond?

@AIBU2bjealous doll,your talking yourself in and right back out of wht ifs. THATS the problem. if it wasnt happening,you wouldnt be. Yes male\female can be non sexul encounter friends. NEVER at the expense of your peace of mind tho.You arent being extreme hes pushing your boundaries(she doesnt matter at all in that scenario).

If your unhappy about it he should respect that and not go. You either come first or you don't- which will he choose?