... to feel my luck is rare?

[kokamid]

At a recent family gathering, something struck me I hadn't really thought of before. There were many relatives I hadn't seen for a really long time, and so we were catching up on each others' lives, outcomes, children etc.

What struck me was how lucky I seem to have been. Literally no-one else at this gathering had managed to avoid bad luck of some kind: ill-health, children with various ailments, psychological difficulties, relationship breakdown, etc., etc. Everyone had had some kind of misfortune to overcome, either themselves or with children or partners.

Of course many - most, indeed - had overcome their various misfortunes. (Some, sadly, hadn't.)

-- And, when I thought about it, the same seems to be true also of all my friends, acquaintances, neighbours: most of them live fine, happy lives; but literally none has avoided some kind of more-or-less severe misfortune, unhappiness, of one kind or another ...

... Except me. I have been married - once, and for a long time - to someone I still love. We are both in good health in our late seventies and live active, fulfilling lives. I once broke a bone, but have never spent a night in hospital, anywhere, ever (childbirth excepted). We are financially well-off, even though neither of us inherited a penny from our parents or anywhere else. We travelled the world together doing socially useful jobs we enjoyed thoroughly until we retired. Now we live in a comfortable home in a really nice place.

Our children are happy and successful, well-educated with loving partners and beautiful successful happy children themselves. They are all decent, socially and morally aware people. We see our children and grandchildren regularly (though they don't live close), spend time together and get on really well; we love them; they love us.

Yes things can go wrong at any time, of course I'm aware. But thinking over all my friends and relatives and their lives, it did seem - does seem - it's very rare to have lived such a good life as I have.

I'm fairly sure I've done nothing to deserve it ... it just feels I've been super lucky. Or - here's my question - is it really so rare: has everyone else in my extended family and friendship group just been unusually unlucky?

AIBU to feel I won life's lottery? Or are there lots of people out there with similarly lovely lives I just don't hear or read about?

I don’t get the posts telling OP to beware! I think it’s good to have gratitude and to appreciate life while things are good. If God forbid anything bad ever happens to me I’d like to know that I’d appreciated the good times as fully as possible.

It’s hardly ghoulish to say at some point there will be loss. It’s inevitable even if life is long and happy. But what is comforting is to look back and appreciate how good your life has been.

However I think the OP is saying a life like hers is rare-I’d say it’s mixed. I know plenty of people who have had good lives. But they don’t think it’s anything special or unusual-this is the first time I’ve seen someone say how special their life is compared to others.

I would have said I was the same as you until this year. I still am in many, many ways. I am younger so could hope for as much good fortune as my life continues. This year we’ve had some challenges. Specifically with my daughter being diagnosed with lifelong health condition. We still have a lot of wonderful things though!

You are liable to get your first taste of misfortune here

This really made me laugh.

Good for you!

It kind of reminds me of that film Unbreakable, have you seen it? You are Bruce Willis, never getting ill or hurt at all. I have the opposite luck and everything that can go wrong does. Consider me Samuel L Jackson! Enjoy the good luck, I wish even more for you, and it's nice that you recognise it. As somebody chronically pulling myself back up after every one of life's kickings, it's hard to see friends sail through life and expect me to be where they are. Sometimes it has nothing to do with pessimism - having dead parents, dead children and a health condition isn't something you can smile away.

Yes well there are a couple of things at play.
First of all confirmation bias - the OP says 'literally' none. That means, not a single one.
I find it hard to believe that every single person the OP knows has had some kind of major disaster in their life.
More likely she doesn't remember the erm 'boring life' ones.
The second point, well it relates to what's considered a 'severe misfortune'.
It wouldn't be surprising for a 70 year old to have some form of minor ill health at least. Not for a 30 year old.

You have a good life, and you appreciate it. That's a great thing! I know people with equally good lives who have no idea how lucky they are. They moan constantly about nothing. I know other people who've had quite tragic lives but remain positive and content. So much is to do with mindset.
I've always felt so lucky. Even as a child I remember feeling it was almost unfair how lucky I was when so many people were suffering. I grew up poor but still always felt fortunate. I actually feel lucky that I'm able to feel that I'm lucky - if you know what I mean!
I remember when both my kids were little I thought "Wow, I have everything I've ever wanted. A lovely husband, two wonderful, healthy children, a nice house, good friends and family. How lucky I am!". Shortly afterwards I was diagnosed with cancer.
So yes, OP things come change in an instant so it's good to appreciate each day but never assume good luck lasts forever.

I think you are unusually lucky, most people have some misfortune in their life.
Sometimes people have difficulties which are related to their own life choices and some are visited by random misfortune. Sometimes it's a mixture.
Some of your good fortune will be luck but some will be connected to your attitude to life.

I am very happy for you. and I am someone who in my early 30s has been through a lot.

Most MN are jealous and bitter though so please expect snipy comments.

I agree, I think you're the exception rather the rule sadly.

I'm truly very happy for you. Your life is everything I would wish to have and it's heartwarming to know it exists for some.

❤

From someone who's had a run of bad luck for a decade and it's not getting any better it's actually really nice to read a post from someone who recognises it's just that - luck.

And to appreciate that luck and be empathetic to those who haven't shared it.

I don't begrudge anyone who is lucky enough not to have had a rough ride their nice life. But my god - I get so angry at the people who seem to think it's some superior life and they are responsible for all their own good fortune.

Rather than say I've been lucky, I'd say I've been fortunate. Good parents, university, met husband in 1971 and been married 50 years, two sons who are very contentedly settled, not got vast amounts of money but enough to live the life we like and are content with - no fancy cars, holidays etc, but we're quite happy as we are.
Yes, we've had problems, with work, health issues including a rare cancer but nothing longterm. We've adapted to each other over the decades and have a good solid relationship, supporting each other whatever happens. Our lives have worked out well for us.

And so far (I'm 77) never broken a bone. (Touch wood)

I’m so sorry for your loss.

im not sure these sentiments are dangerous. I actually think it’s healthy to acknowledge and be mindful of your good luck. I have a long standing friend for whom everything comes easy, and yet she is never quite satisfied, I think this is more dangerous - when something genuinely does go wrong you might wish you had appreciated what you had

The other thing that occurs to me is that up to a point luck is subjective. Maybe you really are lucky op, but one of the people I know who considers herself luckiest is also the most optimistic. So something might go wrong, but she will say ‘but I’m so lucky because my kind neighbours helped me with X’ or ‘well we couldn’t afford a holiday because Y lost his job, but fortunately someone lent us a tent!’ Obviously this doesn’t extend to tragedy, but I think for the general up and downs of life it can make a big difference.

Ironically @Mountainpika post illustrates this beautifully.
She considers herself lucky. Yet the OP wouldn't - because of @Mountainpika health issues.

Maybe the OP's life has had misfortunes too, she just doesn't consider them as such. Others might.

That's amazing OP and I am very happy for you. In my experience it certainly is rare. But life is very odd. Some people cruise through and others get hit with a bad run and a lot in between.

I suppose as someone said upthread, for everyone whose life is lousy, there must be someone who gets it good. It’s nice that you appreciate it.

I think there are two ways of looking at this OP (and I am not 100% convinced this is real but its an interesting topic) ... do you think "wow I've been lucky there alright, X Y Z situations all turned out great and I appreciate it"? Or do you think "gosh I AM a lucky person and the other poor souls who are not so lucky, they're just not quite as good as me"? (the latter goes hand in hand with the make your own luck crap too)

I don't believe in luck. I think things happen randomly. But I notice that many people like to equate "luck" with some sort of superiority.

I think I'm fortunate as I was born into a Western country with free healthcare and education, where most have enough to eat and some opportunities. That's just random though. But some people only think they are lucky if they have plenty of money, and they seem to be the ones who think that means they are somehow "better".

I do however believe that if you have money, by which I mean enough to live on, pay all bills, buy food and maybe go on a holiday and buy a car, then it makes good things more likely to happen, from such a stable base. Mostly.

You’ve had what I would like to think of as a normal life. Depressing to think that you’d be considered lucky just to have a good marriage, good health and financial stability 😕

Is this just a stealth post or are you generally interested OP?

Yep,

Terrible childhood due to random events.
And Long Covid has kept me housebound for a year.

It’s about random events, not optimism.

I think you are rare but I guess statistically someone has to be you - and it’s wonderful that you appreciate it. Enjoy!

I am incredibly happy you have had such a good life

We are all lucky in some ways.
Lucky because my rent is £74 a week.
Lucky i dont have drama in my life.
Lucky i can get up and go without any thought for anyone.
Im poor to NM and nowhere near MN standards.
But i am lucky and grateful for what i have and how far i have come.
Im mates with the rich and the poor but we are all the same.
My moto stay positive.

Hmmm I think this is an odd way to look at life. My Dad died last year and it felt like my heart had been ripped out but I guess that wasn't bad luck just life? I have been divorced but never for a second thought of it as bad luck or some sort of trauma in fact it was a revelation that set me on a different path in life that has brought lovely things my way. I guess it is how you view things.

Sounds like you’ve loved a lovely life so far long may it continue!

If you believe in luck though you may as well believe in other woo concepts so here is my take - you probably just fancied playing life in ‘easy mode’ this time around.

Nice to recognise what a great life you’ve had though and be grateful.