... to feel my luck is rare?

[kokamid]

At a recent family gathering, something struck me I hadn't really thought of before. There were many relatives I hadn't seen for a really long time, and so we were catching up on each others' lives, outcomes, children etc.

What struck me was how lucky I seem to have been. Literally no-one else at this gathering had managed to avoid bad luck of some kind: ill-health, children with various ailments, psychological difficulties, relationship breakdown, etc., etc. Everyone had had some kind of misfortune to overcome, either themselves or with children or partners.

Of course many - most, indeed - had overcome their various misfortunes. (Some, sadly, hadn't.)

-- And, when I thought about it, the same seems to be true also of all my friends, acquaintances, neighbours: most of them live fine, happy lives; but literally none has avoided some kind of more-or-less severe misfortune, unhappiness, of one kind or another ...

... Except me. I have been married - once, and for a long time - to someone I still love. We are both in good health in our late seventies and live active, fulfilling lives. I once broke a bone, but have never spent a night in hospital, anywhere, ever (childbirth excepted). We are financially well-off, even though neither of us inherited a penny from our parents or anywhere else. We travelled the world together doing socially useful jobs we enjoyed thoroughly until we retired. Now we live in a comfortable home in a really nice place.

Our children are happy and successful, well-educated with loving partners and beautiful successful happy children themselves. They are all decent, socially and morally aware people. We see our children and grandchildren regularly (though they don't live close), spend time together and get on really well; we love them; they love us.

Yes things can go wrong at any time, of course I'm aware. But thinking over all my friends and relatives and their lives, it did seem - does seem - it's very rare to have lived such a good life as I have.

I'm fairly sure I've done nothing to deserve it ... it just feels I've been super lucky. Or - here's my question - is it really so rare: has everyone else in my extended family and friendship group just been unusually unlucky?

AIBU to feel I won life's lottery? Or are there lots of people out there with similarly lovely lives I just don't hear or read about?

Be warned, many MNers do not like people talking about their own good fortune. You are liable to get your first taste of misfortune here - in a flaming.

But FWIW I agree with you, to an extent. Good genes play a large part in the good fortune of continuing good health, so from that point of view you may well just be lucky, as your genetics are not something you have any control over. But for so many other things luck does not bear all the credit.

'The wheel of fortune turns for everybody. The lucky person is the one who knows when to put their hand on the wheel and run with it.'

I can't remember where I read that, but I think it makes sense. Luck doesn't just come to you, you have to take advantage of it. You have to make it.

I've always thought of myself as quite lucky. Yes there's been ups & downs but generally life has been kind. However in the last 9 months our family has suffered 3 very sudden & unexpected parent deaths. I honestly can't believe it. Utterly shit. I hope your luck lasts Op as like you say, it can change in a flash x

Enjoy the luck! I don’t know of anyone who hasn’t suffered either directly
or indirectly with one or more things on your list above so in my experience yes, your luck is rare.
But it’s great, I’m very happy for you!

Be careful OP. I thought the same about how lucky I was. Then a grown child got sick and died, followed by some other significant misfortunes. I can honestly now say that I've gone from what seemed to be an easy and charmed life to one far more challenging than most people will ever experience. Dangerous sentiments when you get too comfortable in your situation. You don't know what happens tomorrow.

If let’s say 1% people have incredibly fiendish Job-like bad luck then maybe there are people who have the very opposite and you are one of those people. Enjoy it as long as it lasts

If you're in your 70's and feel like this then I think you've had a very good run in life. Some of it will be 'luck' , some good choices and other may be good outlook on life.

I think I've had a generally good life, none of the major stressors in terms of health or money. Still have my parents, everybody in the family are healthy and have good jobs. I am cautious though as things can always change.

As my mother would say 'you time will come'

It's great to have gratitude!!

You’ve had good luck but will no doubt have been an agent in it as well. You can inherit healthy genes, be born into a part of the world that allows you to work freely, etc., but you will also have taken care of your health, committed to your work, and nurtured your relationships or else they would likely not have lasted. Well done, enjoy it, and make sure you are sensibly prepared for the kind of misfortune that can be prepared for (without overdoing it).

I work with a couple of men in their 60s who have the kind of life you describe - health, wealth, strong marriages, flourishing adult children. They are both genuinely fantastic people and I can see their lives are a result of a mix of actual good luck and a resilient, flexible and positive mindset.

I'd always thought of myself as a very lucky person until a few years ago when one of my teen DC developed serious MH issues. Every morning when I wake up it punches me in the gut how much my life has changed.

Yes I think you are unusually lucky. It's good that you recognise and appreciate that!

I'm interested in whether it makes it harder for you to relate to people who haven't had an easy ride? I think that visceral learning about the harder bits of life is maybe the one benefit of shit going wrong.

I'm going to reply to you in the same manner that I did to someone who told me that their personality was such that they would never get depressed.

You've had everything go well so far. There probably are points in the past that you have had things happen that could be taken as negative, but because you are a naturally optimistic person, you have taken it in your stride and breezed through it. If anyone asked you about those things you would genuinely say they weren't as bad as they look and don't matter that much.

I'd have said the same 3 years ago. I tend to take life as it comes, I can rise above such things and I take it as people are generally mean well.

Due to workplace bullying, I have been through a period of depression with self harm and been suicidal. In that people who I thought knew me well for a period of time, assumed I must be lying because the person who was coordinating the bullying was a person who should be of integrity. They'd tell me in one breath they were my friends, and in the other that I must be wrong and shouldn't say it, even when they'd just witnessed some of the behaviour themselves.

I've moved jobs, and am in a lovely one which is very supportive, but I've been left with PTSD, possible CPTSD, finding it very difficult to trust anyone and even a slightest knock sends me back to depression.

But actually my attitude above, whereas I still cannot understand how people who knew me could assume that I had suddenly changed personality, meant that was why they got away with it.
Because I assumed for two years that they didn't mean it, they'd grow up and out of it, it wasn't really meant the way it felt...
But also I felt a certain amount of embarrassment. I was a "lucky person" who "things didn't go wrong for". Was there suddenly something wrong with me? I struggled with being the person who needed help, rather than the person who supported.

I am certain that if I'd really had a mental breakdown and started accusing people of doing things they hadn't, I'd have got far more compassion and sympathy.

So feel thankful that you have, so far had a "charmed life". But don't be complacent. It could happen to you when you least expect it.
Four years ago I'd have trusted the people that bullied me with my life. They were two of my closest friends.

You are lucky and what a gift that is. How wonderful to get to one’s 70s feeling this way. Marvellous. I’m happy to have read your post. Thanks for sharing ☺️

Agree this is a nice post to read.

As someone who has had exceptionally bad luck in life, I really envy you and genuinely hope you continue to have good fortune.

You are lucky but I bet anything you have an amazing attitude so that that things that might knock other people down you have faced with grace and optimism. My impression is that you have made your own luck and I hope you continue to enjoy it.

I liked this post ☀️

Just enjoy your luck and be thankful for it. There’s no great moral or philosophical question about it-and one day, when you will experience great loss of some kind, e grateful you had it.

My mum always said she had been very lucky in her life and we had a happy childhood and close relationships with each other and mum and dad were happily married.Yet she had had very difficult times , my dad had a breakdown when they had 3 young children , mum had lost 3 sisters to cancer , our brother had schizophrenia , my mum still said she was”lucky in life even when she was dying with pancreatic cancer”
I think the greatest gift is optimism and resilience to help you deal with everything life throws at you .

You are lucky and should enjoy it. I was the same until a completely unexpected and rare diagnosis saw me lose a parent. I still have a nice life, for which which I am grateful but I'll never be carefree as I was or think my life is charmed. I hope your good luck continues

I was a "lucky person" who "things didn't go wrong for". Was there suddenly something wrong with me? I struggled with being the person who needed help, rather than the person who supported.

I can really relate to this @TherealMNHQ , thank you for expressing it so eloquently. It feels like I'm having to get used to a new identity. It's also made me more worried about what else life has in store now I've lost my belief in my good fortune (which I realise sounds ridiculous, the idea that I was somehow immune to bad things happening to me).

There have been some positives - I am much more compassionate and understanding of other people's struggles and challenges than I was.

I hope better times are ahead for you.

You have been very fortunate, but maybe you’ve been prudent as well - saved in early days so afford nicer things in life, not smoked, etc, to enable a better life.

I get told I’m lucky, all the time, by people who have only known me in my good years. All my long term friends see what I’ve overcome through childhood where some severely unlucky things happened to me. I firmly believe myself to be deeply unlucky on the whole and just on a “good run”.

I’ve learned luck is fluid and can run out, or be there just when you need it. The one thing you CAN depend on is not luck, but yourself and the things you put in place to catch you when luck fails.

This makes sense and it’s what I’ve always thought too.

Essentially some people just get shat on by life and others done. It’s unfair but there doesn’t seem to be any rhyme or reason for it.

You made a good choice of partner and have a positive attitude. You feel morally bound to help people. Having a positive attitude is so important, and you sound grateful for your 'luck'. Maybe some of it came from your own parents, own upbringing, and your education, so you had a good foundation to work from. Anyway, you sound fab and it's good to hear!

I would say one broken bone in 70 odd years is unusually lucky but long may it stay that way!

My parents are around your age. Socially useful jobs, financially comfortable, still travelling widely, a couple of health issues that they've overcome fully. Sibling just a sporting accident.

Me, long term illness that I've done my best with (tricky meds) and now cancer. Few other ways in which life has felt harder that I won't go into. Doesn't seem fair but life isn't. I don't wish anyone else worse luck!

I appreciate that you recognise your good luck and don't attribute it to just lifestyle factors as far as health is involved. I'm not sure my family do, deep down (not that I smoked, used drugs, or anything tangible, they just think I'm not as sensible as them!). It's very hurtful.