... to feel my luck is rare?

[kokamid]

At a recent family gathering, something struck me I hadn't really thought of before. There were many relatives I hadn't seen for a really long time, and so we were catching up on each others' lives, outcomes, children etc.

What struck me was how lucky I seem to have been. Literally no-one else at this gathering had managed to avoid bad luck of some kind: ill-health, children with various ailments, psychological difficulties, relationship breakdown, etc., etc. Everyone had had some kind of misfortune to overcome, either themselves or with children or partners.

Of course many - most, indeed - had overcome their various misfortunes. (Some, sadly, hadn't.)

-- And, when I thought about it, the same seems to be true also of all my friends, acquaintances, neighbours: most of them live fine, happy lives; but literally none has avoided some kind of more-or-less severe misfortune, unhappiness, of one kind or another ...

... Except me. I have been married - once, and for a long time - to someone I still love. We are both in good health in our late seventies and live active, fulfilling lives. I once broke a bone, but have never spent a night in hospital, anywhere, ever (childbirth excepted). We are financially well-off, even though neither of us inherited a penny from our parents or anywhere else. We travelled the world together doing socially useful jobs we enjoyed thoroughly until we retired. Now we live in a comfortable home in a really nice place.

Our children are happy and successful, well-educated with loving partners and beautiful successful happy children themselves. They are all decent, socially and morally aware people. We see our children and grandchildren regularly (though they don't live close), spend time together and get on really well; we love them; they love us.

Yes things can go wrong at any time, of course I'm aware. But thinking over all my friends and relatives and their lives, it did seem - does seem - it's very rare to have lived such a good life as I have.

I'm fairly sure I've done nothing to deserve it ... it just feels I've been super lucky. Or - here's my question - is it really so rare: has everyone else in my extended family and friendship group just been unusually unlucky?

AIBU to feel I won life's lottery? Or are there lots of people out there with similarly lovely lives I just don't hear or read about?

Empirical studies find that people who view life from a positive perspective tend to have "luckier" lives. So whatever the situation they see the advantage in that. Perspective also plays a part.

I have a similar life. I too feel very lucky indeed. Enjoy it, like I do, for however long it lasts.

It's a fascinating subject
Dr Wiseman wrote a book called The Luck Factor (it's out of print now) but there are similar newer titles available.

Wow you are incredibly rare, I am mid 60’s and have never ever met anyone who didn’t have some bad luck at some point in their life.
I have a couple of good friends who seemed to have good luck for a long time, but then one got cancer in her late 50’s and the others husband was in a terrible accident.
Just enjoy it op and perhaps try and spread your luck in some way.

I think this is great OP, it's a sign less about your luck, and more about your perspective. The small things don't get you down and you ride the big stuff. That's a skill. Of course some lives are easier than others, but this is too subjective to be able to measure in any meaningful way. For example, not all traumatic experieinces lead to PTSD. You have a good outlook, and that's hard to create in a vacuum, that's a great quality.

What on earth possesses people to comment ’your time will come’ or ‘be careful OP’ on posts like this. It’s completely ghoulish!

OP wasn’t being smug or nasty, she made a fair observation, clearly feels grateful for her life, and even stated that she knows things can change at any time.

I said as my mum would say ' your time will come' it's a saying just like 'don't count your chickens'. Relax!

life doesn't work like this.

You can eat healthily , never smoke , never drink alcohol , exercise and your health can still change in an instant.

The healthiest person I know is 73 never gets flu or colds.....he has drunk alcohol every day of his life since the age of 19.

His poor wife non smoker and drinker has numerous health issues.

Surely you must have gone through at least some family bereavement? Presumably your financial situation is down at least partly to hard work? As for your health, I'm presuming you are fairly health conscious. Don't drink too much, smoke, eat tons of UPF and never exercise?

What I'm saying is most of it isn't really luck.
A lot of the bad things that have happened to me have been partly down to my own actions. I kind of don't really believe in luck.

I also feel guilty and anxious if everything is going really well, just thinking the odds of some sort of fuck up are increasing with every passing uneventful second!

It's good to have a positive attitude in life as well, which can help get through traumatic times.
Long may your good luck, as you call it, continue!

I agree with this, you must have had some difficult times if you're in your 70's such as losing your parents for example. But it sounds like you're a really happy, positive person so enjoy every moment!

I’ve been lucky all my life. I lost my parents which was horrible but that’s the natural order of things. I don’t take it for granted. I realise tomorrow could be the day it all changes.

Don't count your chickens

I think it’s partly mindset and partly luck. I used to think I’d had a very lucky life. Now I’ve definitely had some extremely bad luck BUT I had the good luck to have good people around me to help me cope.

Several people have called me ‘resilient’ and that, alongside good underlying health and most of the other advantages you list do make me feel lucky.

I know a couple of people who have had astoundingly bad luck on paper yet probably still class themselves as lucky because they have a positive spin on life.

Do you really not believe in luck? Interesting philosophical debate. I can't see how you can say that when some people clearly have it easier and/or worse.

As an addendum, I've been lucky in many ways and tend to have a positive outlook, I just recognise I haven't had quite as much of a seemingly clean sweep as some. But few have a fully clear run, we just have to make the best of things! I suspect that may be part of the OP's success, maybe not facing huge issues which is luck, but also weathering the smaller bumps well.

Beware of Hubris.

@Zoebot2000 I guess I do kind of believe in karma. But for me something happens bc something else happened before it. Good or bad things don't really just happen at random. If something bad happens, often it's more likely something else bad will. And vice versa. But not because of luck I don't think.
If someone got blown up by a bomb. That's not bad luck. It's BC that person had a reason to be in the location where the bomb happened to be. It's extremely unfortunate of course.

That's a very interesting question.

Previously lucky people who have learned how quickly things can change dramatically? It does tend to give you a great sense of caution and a reality check. I've seen it too often.

You’re lucky. That’s all. See it. Appreciate it. I’m sure you’ve made some positive steps towards some of these outcomes but I don’t believe the people who’ve had ‘bad luck’ didn’t do enough or did something wrong to cause it or somehow deserve it.

I’ve had a run of truly terrible things happen lately and I in no way did anything that meant I deserved them.

In the case of civilians, I'd say being somewhere where you're hurt by a bomb has something to do with random luck. We're all where we are by an accident of birth (or circumstance). Where we are born and usually live is random chance to me.

Oh so you’re the arsehole who has taken my share 😂😂😂😂

I think sometimes it can come in waves. I consider myself to have good luck in so much as when the shit hits it does end up resolving itself.

This year is a proper shit show though. 😅

Enjoy your luck :) it’s nice when nice things happen to people.

R.e. 'psychological issues' everyone seems to be getting diagnosed with something or other these days.
Who knows, you might have been too, had you faced any challenges in 2024 rather than say 1994.

Most of my family and friends are like this though. No massive misfortune. So I'd consider it 'normal', with the others being 'unlucky'.
Rather than then being the norm and you 'lucky' if that makes sense.

What income levels and class are you... Of course certain groups of people and families are more prone to certain issues. And you're likely to be friends with people like yourselves.

You have indeed been very lucky. I hope it continues! I don't know anyone who has not suffered some "trauma" for lack of a better word.

I am reminded of that old anecdote about the Buddha, which I am repeating here. A mother loses her son, and goes to the Buddha for consolation. The Buddha says "Bring me some mustard seed from a house that has suffered no loss, and I will bring your son back to life." She rushes off on her errand, eager to find such a house. But she can find no one who has not suffered. She returns, realising no house is free of suffering.

It's a nice post, regardless!