DS 17, who's deluded- me or him??

[Whosaidthattt]

DS, 17, is going to be rich via his Tik Tok posts apparently. 🤔 He hated school, just passed his GCSEs with 4s and 5s. Started college and dropped out after 2 months. We always told him to work hard to give himself choices, which he ignored.
He is now working part time in a supermarket and looks down his nose at his colleagues. He can't believe that this is their life!
He genuinely believes that he is going to earn a living from his Tik Tok posts, and has been posting for 2 years. He has earned approximately £50 per month doing this.
Obviously I am 'old' so don't understand. Is it just me who thinks that at almost 18 he needs a reality check? Or will he really be the next Tik Tok sensation? Anyone else's 'almost adult' this immature?? I have no clue how to direct him. Please don't tell me to kick him out- I wouldn't do that.

Why not encourage him to follow his dream up? We were talking about this a while back and DH said he wanted to be a footballer when he was a kid and pointed out becoming famous via tik tok, insta or whatever is probably more realistic.

The first reality check is to start charging him rent and keep at a realistic rate.

The second would be to talk to him about his attitude towards his colleagues and others doing essential jobs to keep society going.

Thirdly, don't discourage him from his dreams, he may make it or find out the realities don't match his dreams by himself.

We all thought we'd be earning a great salary in a great job by the time we were 18. I remember it well. Only now I see how unrealistic that was!

He's got a right cheek looking down on others because of what they do. That's so disrespectful. He doesn't know their behind the scenes family or health struggles or stories. He's bang out of order.

As others have said, he needs to get on and work towards his dream. He's had partial success to get any income at all but if he's not getting any more money as time goes on, it's clear he needs to change something because £50 doesnt pay the bills

A digital marketing course would help.

You can earn a lot of money from it but you need to have something interesting to say and be good at selling yourself and be willing to put in a lot of effort and work. Does he have that?

I think she should try not to be dismissive of it but also try and direct him to also having something else career wise alongside it.

Let him get on with it.

He might make lots of money or he may not. But you can't force him to study if he doesn't want to.

But I think if he is working he needs to make a contribution to food and electricity. And don't help him out with other expenses. Just keep saying "use your tiktok earnings to pay for that"

Let him see for himself whether it's viable or not.

a lot of companies need people to manage their social media content so that could be a career to aim for but he does need to try get qualifications/experience.

https://www.gov.uk/apply-apprenticeship

We have similar with DS (also 17) but he does currently go to college, learning a skill. He had a HUGELY difficult time at high school, struggled with MH, suicidal ideation and hardly attending the last two years. Thankfully college has been far more positive!

He’s dabbled with trading and bitcoin (bit beyond me) and did manage to earn around £1500 from it! We had obviously discouraged it but he was insistent he could make money and he did!

The problem is that even though he’s no longer trading, I imagine he has this belief that he could actually go back at any point and earn even more!

I think the problem these days is there are so many SM posts on ways to make money, many are blinded by this and are deluded! It can happen though but it’s good to have a back up plan.

You should definitely be taking rent from him, if you aren't already. Not a prohibitive amout that he can't afford. But something that means you're not subsidising something you don't want to subsidise. Also so it's not so comfortable for him to coast along not doing much. You can't really make him get an apprenticeship if he doesn't want one, as he's a grown man. But by the same token, he has to live with his decisions and not have Mummy bail him out.

It's not unreasonable of him to try something, but it is unreasonable to look down his nose at people - it's actually a really horrible attitude that doesn't cast him in a good light. Also will likely prevent him ever having a career or promotion doing what he's doing now. It's unreasonable for him to think it's a magic bullet though. Also for him to expect you to support it long term. I feel an equivalent of an earlier time, was teenagers who thought their band would make it big. Of course it did work for some people, but only a tiny fraction. And the ones it did work for, we're also in employment at the time, for the most part.

He is totally deluded. I only managed to start earning enough money to buy a nice house and have a decent salary as a single parent by getting a degree and working my arse off. Not messing about on my phone.

This is the sort of thing they should warn you about when you're deciding whether or not to have children, isn't it? Because you're trapped now. As a fall back, consider moving house without telling him where you've gone.

I would imagine the successful TikTokkers are probably actually quite intelligent and/or hardworking. Unless DS has a completely different attitude to TikTok than he does to schoolwork then I don't see him going very far. And even if he did work incredibly hard at it, it's a really risky path with no guarantee at success even for the talented.

Boys do mature later. My ds eventually pulled his finger out.

Leave him to come to his own conclusions but make sure he’s paying you a decent sum for rent and board - even if you secretly save it for him. He still needs to support himself even if his head is in the clouds.

there only a very small percentage of creators in relation to the amount of users make a living from tik-tok. Tell him to get a real job and do something worthwhile with his time. Tik-tok will be gone soon enough...

His attitude stinks as well, no idea how to fix that though.

This is exactly the approach I will be taking with my DS13. He is very clever, but has been adamant he is not going to university, since he was 5 🤣Thinks school is a waste of time and needs complete overhaul. Puts his energy into his own interests eg learning Spanish independently , but has to do French GCSE 🤣

He could also end up having to kill people, having PTSD or dead, so wouldn't recommend this.

It's the latest version of a get rick quick scheme and like all such schemes, some people do get rich quick but 99% don't.

I don't think it's just his age, I know lots of school Mums and middle aged men who are just waiting for their TikTok or Youtube channels to take off and have fantasies that they're going to make tonnes of money.

Yes, he can make money on TT provided he has a clear strategy and niche. At 17 and with a lack of any education behind him, I struggle to see what his subject specialism may be that he can claim any authority over. Does he have any skills?
If he is just dancing and making memes, then it is hardly going to be a long-term money maker. There are plenty of examples of people making money by using SM to build an audience to then sell them highly specialised services. But it doesn't sound as though he has any of that. It's all very well to want to become an influencer but then you do need something to influence people to do...

I could never ever do this with my kids because if they got sent into a conflict zone and were involved with the death of people they would never manage to live with themselves.
We have quite a few people in the family who were in the forces and it has totally fucked them up.

I agree with this. A reality check doesn't have to be confrontational. Sit him down, show him your bills and tell him you expect him to contribute a fair sum towards these. Leave how he does this up to him obviously.

At the moment it could be argued that you are enabling him if you have not set out your expectations already.

Growing up, I was under no illusion that I had to bring money into the house if I was going to continue to stay and this was set out a long time before I started to earn.

😂

Everyone should follow their dreams, but while he is doing that he needs to know he also has to work to improve his skills and put a roof over his head (pay digs) and eat.

The reality check you need to give him is charging him digs so he has no disposable income and needs to work more. If he doesn't have the money to pay reasonable digs read him the riot act to get a job.

dh has a nephew who is mid 30s now and has only ever worked very PT in retail for short periods because he is going to "make it" making sound bites for games. In 15 years he has made a couple of grand from it and is wasting living off, with his unemployed gf an inheritance of around £300k he got in his early 20s. It will dry up soon and he will get his reality hit then.

His attitude towards supermarket workers is terrible. Does he not understand how important frontline workers are?

He reminds me of one of my siblings (who is now in his late 20’s, still living at home, jobless because all jobs are below his worth).

Yes, there is a small chance he will become big on TikTok but there is a much better chance he won’t. So, advice on things my mother should have done that she didn’t but might help your kid turn a bit different to my sibling.

1- Tell him it’s okay to want to become big on TikTok but until that happens he is still living in the same world as the rest of us and therefore needs to pull up his socks and STOP looking down at people. Respect is non-negotiable.

My brother looked down at everything and everyone as he was certain he was predestined to become rich and famous. To the point he let go of way too many work opportunities (despite him having no educational background as he didn’t even graduate high school) and now is jobless and almost unemployable. And most people are no contact with him (99% of the family, me included) as he was just a nightmare to be around.

2- Force him to be responsible. Have him pay rent so he is always forced to work. My brother always lives rent free at my mum, that’s why he is still there at almost 30. Because he has no way to even afford rent elsewhere nor have a profile that would make people rent their flat to him.

3- The minute he starts being disrespectful to you and/or your home. Kick him out. Yes that’s harsh but he is an adult. And if he starts one day looking down at you, your life, your person. Do show him the door. Save your sanity and force him to find his way into the world. I still strongly believe my brother would be in a slightly better place if he didn’t have my mom to fall back on continuously.

4- force him to have a plan B.

And that’s a tip from me because I do work in the field of people who are very wealthy/have a certain social status and as a result do know quite a bit about the behind the scenes.

The quickest way to live the life he wants to have sometimes isn’t to be the celebrity (much harder to accomplish) sometimes it’s to work for them. Salaries are high, you still get a lot of the benefits (staying at the villas, being on the yacht, flying private). And if you invest your salary well you might be able to close the gap between them and you.

I have several brothers, and all of them are into wearing luxury brands and would love the luxury life (though they all 3 have an approach to it that differ from the other. 1- (the oldest) is
what I have just described. want luxury but expect the lifestyle to fall on his lap and if he has one pound it’s one pound spent. He has no idea on how to manage his finances, save or invest. 2nd brother has a job, is responsible and a lot more independent than his older sibling. He is smart, has an interest in learning about finances and we are actually working on an investment project together as he is the only sibling I would actually invest with and want to properly give a leg up as I know he will do his part and work as hard as me into turning our projects into reality (he is early/mid 20’s). He doesn’t earn much currently but he budgets well, and while he spends his money on brands he wouldn’t ever spend money on brands or pretending to live a life he doesn’t live over his rent.

3rd and youngest brother is still underage (17) and is a mix of both siblings. He has an interest in finances and learning to manage his finances (and I spend a lot of time with him trying to teach him wisdoms I have learned and continue to learn through my work) but he doesn’t have the same work ethic as 2nd sibling, and is a bit more on the lazy side/ waiting for stuff to happen to him rather than being proactive. My advice to him is the same I would give your son:

You want to make money? 1- learn about money, managing finances and budgeting. 2- find your niche. What are you good at and what is the best most efficient way to exploit that that will also give you the revenue that you are hoping for? And if you want to taste luxury without having to spend money on it, then do work for those who have money as you will be PAID to actually go on the yacht, jets etc… while they (the wealthy folks/famous folks) actually PAY for it. It’s work obviously, but it’s sometimes the closest one can get to that lifestyle if that’s truly their goal.

Personally I work too much in the behind the scene that I actually would discourage my siblings to aim for that lifestyle (I think it’s soul destroying for many and most people with those lives struggle to be happy and content within their lives) and more aim to be happy. So I would try and dig at what in that lifestyle would make your son happy? Is it money? Is it the attention? Is it owning a mansion? is it impacting people with his work?

Many ways to get those things without becoming TikTok famous. And I would encourage him to find out what is motivating him to become famous and look for plan B and C that would have similar characteristics or feed his soul in similar ways that might be completely different to his original goal.

I'd be making him work full time at least. DS dropped out of college at 17 and eventually got an apprenticeship but he knew he was expected to work full time in the interim.