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Original poster

DS 17, who's deluded- me or him??

115 replies

Whosaidthattt · 25/08/2024 23:49

DS, 17, is going to be rich via his Tik Tok posts apparently. 🤔 He hated school, just passed his GCSEs with 4s and 5s. Started college and dropped out after 2 months. We always told him to work hard to give himself choices, which he ignored.
He is now working part time in a supermarket and looks down his nose at his colleagues. He can't believe that this is their life!
He genuinely believes that he is going to earn a living from his Tik Tok posts, and has been posting for 2 years. He has earned approximately £50 per month doing this.
Obviously I am 'old' so don't understand. Is it just me who thinks that at almost 18 he needs a reality check? Or will he really be the next Tik Tok sensation? Anyone else's 'almost adult' this immature?? I have no clue how to direct him. Please don't tell me to kick him out- I wouldn't do that.

OP posts:
stayathomegardener · 26/08/2024 06:10

To be fair £50 a month is a good start.
What's his niche area?
Maybe have a look at Gary V on instagram who encourages this type of enterprise.

My DD does similar but it's backed up by a photography degree and a very humble attitude, she doesn't make a huge amount from it but it supports her photography in a niche industry (4 x4 trucks not some weird foot fetish!) has allowed her to travel all over the world and meet amazing like minded people.

SapphOhNo · 26/08/2024 06:14

He doesn't sound like a nice person

I hope you're charging him a proper amount of board to teach him to live in the real world.

WiddlinDiddlin · 26/08/2024 06:18

He's not deluded in thinking it is possible to make money via SM like this.

However if he has been doing it for 2 years and is still making less than his phone/internet would cost a month, assuming he were paying for it... and he hasn't got himself some skills in video editing, media/marketing etc...

Then he is very much deluded if he thinks he is going to make money out of it.

But even for those who make money out of it, you need a fall back, a second stream of income, and skills. It is not a reliable earner, it can crash overnight!

dystopiaisonus · 26/08/2024 06:18

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MySocksAreDotty · 26/08/2024 06:19

Get him to enrol in a marketing course part time at least. If he can’t ’make it’ himself then he can use the kills he’s developed for SM marketing or SEO or whatever.

Daisyoopsies · 26/08/2024 06:20

There's potential there, though. He could still have a career in social media but perhaps in communications for a young company? I'm sure once he sees that a career will give him a £20-something-k a month salary instead of £50 he might change his mind!

BogusHocusPocus · 26/08/2024 06:24

It's fair enough to have dreams. He's holding down a job, albeit p/t, and already monetising his TikTok posts, albeit modestly.

I think it's important at this point that you charge him, (just a token amount), for his lighting, rent, water, TV services, so he keeps his head in the real world. Otherwise his wages are essentially pocket money for spending on fun stuff and that's not how life works.

Shouldbeworkingnotreadingtalk · 26/08/2024 06:29

Yes, there is good money to be made. It's madness. (I'm 50!) I have a channel that I make videos for (not too too but it all the same) and i can't believe I'm potentially going to be earning more than my real job if it continues to grow. The world has gone mad. If he's any good, feel free to DM me and I can give you a top tip.

HoppityBun · 26/08/2024 06:32

Ponderingwindow · 26/08/2024 03:10

If he is not in education, he needs to find part-time work.

instead of arguing with him about tik tok, tell him his rent is going to be 30% of a full time job at nmw for his age. If he wants to go back to school, you can talk about a different arrangement.

also stop taking care of him at home and give him a light rota of housework. Adults contribute to the home. If he doesn’t meet his obligations, cut off perks like WiFi.

I agree with this but I think it needs a little more subtlety to avoid problems. He’s a child until he’s 18, so I suggest that you have a gentle discussion with him about what happens when he becomes 18: you don’t want him being like this into his 20s and 30s, but there’s no need to say so. Tell him that once he’s 18, if he wants to stay in the house you want him to pull his weight as an adult. Discuss with him what tasks he’ll do and write a chart, for you and for him. You’ll need him to pay for his food, which you’ll be prepared to go on cooking. You’ll expect him to eat a meal with you x times a week because you’re not running a hostel, this is a family home. I suggest that you don’t mention TikTok, it’s a discussion about responsibilities and contributions. Mention, perhaps another time, that you’d be interested to know his target market and what his business strategy is. Ask, just be interested. Look up short courses that he could attend locally in business and media?

Beezknees · 26/08/2024 06:33

Some people do make a living from tiktok. Not a lot though. The odds aren't really in his favour.

He needs to get a full time job, I wouldn't be happy with him working only part time if he is not studying or doing anything else.

2chocolateoranges · 26/08/2024 06:39

He’s deluded, but I’d be more annoyed at him looking down his nose at others, he needs to remember that we need people in all types of jobs to make the world run ! From cleaners, to retail assistants, to teachers and engineers.

The one person I follow on instagram who makes money works more hours than an average person, to make content, to promote other businesses etc. she’s away on holiday just now and has has to film a fortnights worth of videos for her team to release while she’s away.

Cheerfulcharlie · 26/08/2024 06:48

He probably has quite a bit of good knowledge and experience from this already and clearly a natural interest in this sort of content creation.

I would be encouraging him to get on a course in something along the lines of digital marketing and / or an apprenticeship. There are proper careers in this area, maybe it won’t be his own tik tok channel that makes a decent living but he could manage social media accounts of their companies, work in paid digital advertising etc

TinyYellow · 26/08/2024 06:54

He’s not going to be the next TikTok sensation but he has time to work that out for himself. I don’t think he needs his Mum to spell out to him that his dream is not going to happen. At least he’s working somewhere.

velvetcoat · 26/08/2024 07:17

WiddlinDiddlin · 26/08/2024 06:18

He's not deluded in thinking it is possible to make money via SM like this.

However if he has been doing it for 2 years and is still making less than his phone/internet would cost a month, assuming he were paying for it... and he hasn't got himself some skills in video editing, media/marketing etc...

Then he is very much deluded if he thinks he is going to make money out of it.

But even for those who make money out of it, you need a fall back, a second stream of income, and skills. It is not a reliable earner, it can crash overnight!

Yeah this. He's not completely deluded, I know people who have launched very successful careers via TikTok. However, they had specific skill sets they could use outside of TikTok to create businesses and used TikTok as a launching pad. Yes, you can forge a lucrative career just from TikTok but it's rare and it involves massive dedication to creating good content. Its not just posting the odd thing here and there.

If he wants to continue TikTok he needs to have a back up plan for sure. It would be very very unwise to base your entire income/career off TikTok.

5128gap · 26/08/2024 07:18

Your DS has now discovered he's not going to succeed through academic channels. Whatever front they put on, it can still be a shock to realise you're not academically able (it's not just hard work you need) and your options will be limited because of that. Like a lot of his generation, he believes the twin lies that you can be anything you want to be if you want it enough, and that exceptionalism and wealth is there for the taking. This is a belief that becomes hard wired and is only lost by experience. So you need empathy with that.

He'll learn and soon realise that a better job/longer hours will make a big difference to his quality of life. You can help speed that up by not subbing him. Provide the roof over his head and his food, ideally for token board, but nothing else and when he complains about his lot, gently steer him towards the obvious answer. Stay neutral about the tik tok thing. Don't encourage but dont be negative either. It will only end up with him accusing you of being 'unsupportive'.

autienotnaughty · 26/08/2024 07:28

Is he paying board? As long as he's contributing to your household it's upto him. I would encourage an apprenticeship though.

He's still young I'd give him a couple years before asking him if this is feasible long term

NOTANUM · 26/08/2024 07:29

He’s not even 18 and probably maturing more slowly because he isn’t surrounded by teens all day.
I would tell him that from 18, he’ll need to pay X to you for board and food unless he’s in education, assuming you don’t need it beforehand. I’d help him research some social media courses as it is a skill that is needed nowadays but he’ll need solid English for it and may need to work towards that.
If he’s into fitness I’d encourage that as the SM/fitness overlap is high.

His attitude towards colleagues working hard isn’t nice though and I’d not allow that in earshot.

Sunglow1921 · 26/08/2024 07:30

I don’t think you need to do anything about his tiktok dream. Just tell him that he either has to work and pay room and board (set it at about 50-75% of market rate to make it less attractive for him to move out) or be in education/get an apprenticeship. Give him 2-3 months notice that this is happening.

Then he can do his TikTok videos in his spare time like most people have to fit their passions and hobbies around earning a living. That’s never a bad thing to learn.

Sharptonguedwoman · 26/08/2024 07:32

Earning or learning is what we said to DD.

Blankscreen · 26/08/2024 07:33

This sounds like dss (20) except he has fallen down the rabbit hole of wanting to be a self employed self taught Forex trader.

He's very secretive but after having some initial success he has now lost it all. He has also put in more money to save his account.

He's rejected his place at uni and after being read the riot act by DH is now working in McDonald for 40hrs a week.

He owes last month's rent (the 40 hrs only started 2 weeks ago) and I doubt he'll be able to pay next month's either. He pities the people who work there but can't see the irony that he's one of them

I actually despair + one of our friends has offered to try and get him and interview for a job in the city (trading) but DSS isn't interested in working for anyone else. He doesn't want to get caught up in the matrix.

I wonder how the hell he will ever move out.

EI12 · 26/08/2024 07:38

Urgently do something to root out this attitude, both to his colleagues and towards his notion of providing for himself via TikTok. Do not encourage this stupidity by allowing him to 'experiment'. Speak to behaviourist professionals or suchlike, but don't let it fester.

Denimdenimdenim · 26/08/2024 07:39

He would make more money on another platform. TikTok pays very little (often next to nothing) in comparison to YouTube. A lot of people on TikTok make extra money by brand deals and sponsorships.

I would definitely try to chat to him about entering into an apprenticeship. He can do both. Hopefully his attitude changes, I would find it very frustrating.

NOTANUM · 26/08/2024 07:40

@Blankscreen you’re right to be concerned esp if he’s given up a chance at university. No-one makes money casually trading forex - you need sub-second data feeds, proprietary algorithms or enough money to take long-term macro punts like hedge funds do.
Even the big banks have automated FX trading.
I’d encourage him to do a maths or comp science degree if his maths is up to it. That is the easiest way into banking nowadays.

Betyouthinkthissongisaboutyou · 26/08/2024 07:41

It is possible so I wouldn’t say deluded.

It is good to have dreams and the courage to pursue them.

He should do an apprenticeship in digital content and marketing or something like that.

He is young.

I wanted my DC to take a few years off to travel and explore the world, write a book, become an actor and explore his creative side. He started a medical degree just as he turned 18 (late August baby). That was his dream and goal in life.

I think your son is brave and bold and even if it doesn’t work out he has done what many wouldn’t. Really put himself out there.

I am in my fifties now and work minimal hours (semi retired) because I am writing a book, going to start a YouTube channel and blog and basically try to be more creative. Most of my friends and family say I will fail (apart from my very supportive DH and DS). I probably will but I don’t want to go to my grave not having tried.

(BTW his attitude towards his colleagues is arrogant and I would call him out on that and maybe say to him they could have been you at 17! But 17 is still young and at this age entitlement is rife).

Maria1979 · 26/08/2024 07:42

To be fair to your DS: lots of young people are convinced they will earn a lot from tiktok, singing, playing football, being an actor, a model etc etc. It's called dreams.

I have told my DS who are younger than yours that there are millions of other youngsters who want the same as you and making it is down to talent AND luck since they aren't nepo babies... I encourage them to try (when they are old enough obviously) but it will have to be on their SPARE time because they will be working/studying full time to make sure they are supporting themselves/have a plan B if they don't make it. So OP, let him have his dream on his spare time but make him work full time so he can contribute to the household/ put away some for a rainy day.