I'm quitting teaching, I've decided, AIBU?

[thequickbrowndog]

That's it, I'm done, I'm leaving! I've spent the whole summer dreading going back. I adore the kids (secondary boys school) but I can't be bullied anymore. I can't stand my work colleagues, I've had to make a formal complaint about bullying. My boss clearly favours other staff over me. Everything always just seems unfair but I just have to get on with it. I work part time but am stressed about it full time because of all the passive aggressive emails while I'm off.
I don't have a job to go to yet, but I'm just done. I can't go back. AIBU?

@thequickbrowndog thanks for being open about your health.

Why, absent obvious fibbing, people cannot take poster's accounts of their own lives at face value is a mystery.

Not too sure about your maths, September to December is 4 months on my calendar.

Just to add - thank you so much for all the kind comments and support. It really is helpful and I'm so glad lots of you have found a way to be happy in your careers

I suspect the OP would have qualified to be off sick months ago but carried on battling against her illnesses for the sake of the kids.
Don't beat her up for choosing to go now.

I'm planning to go off sick. I think I need to prioritise my mental health above all

But why not line up another job over the summer?
And before anyone starts, I too work at a secondary school. I haven't worked at a single toxic one though, so the OP has been unlucky.
Good luck with your future plans. It's just not how I would have gone about things.

I've been in jobs where I knew I had to get out because it was a toxic environment - I experienced bullying and witnessed work mates being bullied in one role. I gave my notice, worked my notice period and then left. I suffered financially because of it. I understand not being able to take any more and having to get away.

A lot of people on this thread seem to think that the resignation dates /having to work out the term before you can leave, is some harsh notice period exceptional to teaching.

3 months notice (in jobs earning 35k plus, which most teachers are these days if FT) is absolutely standard in loads of industries and professions.

Lots, and lots of people, have to work out a 3 month notice period before being able to leave a job they are unhappy in. Deciding in advance that you are going to be sick for the entire 3 month period is taking the piss.
I have every sympathy with OP feeling too mentally unwell to return next week. Fair enough, take some time, get signed off for 2 weeks, see how you feel.
You cannot know in advance that you will definitely, definitely, be too sick to work from September til 1st January.

Why it's not ok to ask genuine questions is also a mystery.

Exactly this. I went straight from a blood transfusion back into work the other month because I couldn't miss year 11's lesson.

Because she is sick! Mental health is still health. She is not choosing to be sick, the situation has made her sick. I’m disgusted by you.

I’ve been off work with stress and anxiety before and my GP signed me off work. I got paid in full @thequickbrowndog i think you need to go see your GP. Also, on a side note, as you’re a teacher you’ll probably get work easy enough.

I sympathise with anyone who's in a job they hate or where they don't get on with their colleagues.

It is not unreasonable at all to want to leave.

And most jobs with any seniority have a 3 (or 6) month notice period.

I do think it is wrong though to label unhappiness as a reason to stay away from work and call it an illness , and to ask a dr to sign you off.

The reasons the OP gives are very subjective and no one here can know if they are like she says. Favouritism and the rest are subjective issues.

I think if the OP can detach herself emotionally and carry on working her notice while looking for another job is the best way.

It's also wrong for other posters here to label other posters as 'bullies'.
This is AIBU - OP could have posted in Employment/ work or any other part of MN. AIBU is known for straight speaking.

Challenging someone's plans isn't bullying- it's putting over another point of view.

Just because you don't agree doesn't make it bullying.

So many teachers have never left the playground.

That is the reality.

For all of the passionate, inspiring professionals I’ve worked with, who just love educating the humans of the future, I’ve worked with twice as many mediocre nonentities who got into teaching because they love wielding power over children and the adults they ineffectively manage. Any colleague who is competent and well liked becomes persona non grata with these types very quickly and the bullying starts, because they have huge inferiority complexes and rather than trying to become better at their jobs, they’d rather just destroy any perceived competition.

It’s a shame. It really is. So many teachers should not be in the profession. As I always say, it’s a caring, people centred job at its heart. Schools should be therefore be wonderful places to work. But so many become petty dictatorships because they’re run by over promoted idiots in Next suits.

rtft - she also has two chronic health conditions. She is sick.

That sounds horrible.
Is there any other info not in the opening post that would affect responses?

It’s not 3 months notice, if you hand your notice in after 31st May you can’t leave till Christmas so at some points of the year it’s half a year’s notice. That’s not normal at all.

I suspect that my notice period will be cut short if I am signed off sick.

I wish everyone would stop labelling any emotions as 'mental health'.

There was a huge debate in The Times on this last week with real MH professionals saying it has to stop.

Normal feeling like hating work, not getting on with colleagues, wanting to leave, not enjoying going to work are normal emotions.

They are not a 'sickness' and it's doing a disservice to people who have serious mental health conditions.

Now, it seems that anyone who finds something uncomfortable and wants to be somewhere else, says it's a MH issue.

Unless her doctor sets a time period of sickness/recovery she shouldn't be setting a date.

@PrettyPinkShoes

She doesn’t just feel unhappy.

She’s being bullied and the school are doing nothing.

She has chronic health conditions that are being exacerbated by anxiety.

She has provided all of this information. Stop perpetuating this idea that she’s a shirker when she’s not.

But if OP decided on June 1st that she was going to hand in her notice the earliest she could leave is the following January.

If she decided November 1st, then she has to work until Easter.

March 1st she’d have to wait until summer.

depending on when decision is made it can be so much longer than 3 months notice sadly

Best of luck OP. Don’t let the bullies upset you on here.

Thank you. I'm not even reading their comments anymore. They'll go home when they get hungry

If it's all so cut and dried why is she asking if she is being unreasonable?

That's the real question.

So being bullied and feeling anxious and stressed as a result are ‘normal’ emotions we should just have to put up with at work?

The OP should just get on with being bullied and her school doing nothing about it then, should she? Get on with going into work every day feeing dread and fear?

We wouldn’t expect a child to have to do that, so we can’t expect an adult to, either.

I don’t disagree with your essential point that we do need to ensure we’re not labelling normal emotions as mental illness. I talk about this with my students a lot, actually. But in this case there is toxicity going on that is making work unbearable and I don’t think anyone should be claiming that is normal and acceptable and something to just get on with.