I'm quitting teaching, I've decided, AIBU?

[thequickbrowndog]

That's it, I'm done, I'm leaving! I've spent the whole summer dreading going back. I adore the kids (secondary boys school) but I can't be bullied anymore. I can't stand my work colleagues, I've had to make a formal complaint about bullying. My boss clearly favours other staff over me. Everything always just seems unfair but I just have to get on with it. I work part time but am stressed about it full time because of all the passive aggressive emails while I'm off.
I don't have a job to go to yet, but I'm just done. I can't go back. AIBU?

Well there is a lack of age diversity in schools which does not help with the toxicity.Lots of Wes Streeting type men with pointy shoes and Rachel Reeeves type deputy heads.

I worked in a toxic school for six years, and kept hoping it would get better. It didn’t. It got to the point where I felt sick every day. I lost interest in my teaching. I took circuitous routes around school to avoid walking past the headteacher’s office, in case she called me in for one of her famous ‘chats’ where you’d get shouted at for something random you’d supposedly done wrong. I dreaded opening my emails. I never knew what shit was coming my way from SLT (I was a head of faculty) on a day to day basis. The uncertainty and fear were dreadful. I had wonderful colleagues and I loved my students but I couldn’t thrive in an environment that felt like the stasi. So I quit at Easter, felt an enormous sense of freedom, and worked the summer term not giving a shit about any of the head and her team of cronies’ nonsense. The day I walked out of that school, it was like a weight had been lifted. I had no idea how stressed I had been until I wasn’t anymore - I had been a frog in boiling water for so long. I thought I wouldn’t be able to cope with that final term, but knowing I was leaving made it manageable.

I thought it was teaching that I had had enough of and so I left for a couple of years and did other things. But I missed the kids and the creativity and the sheer fun and laughter of teaching bonkers teenagers, as well as teaching my subjects which I love so much, so I went back last year. My new school has its problems - as a PP said, the management team are all mediocre teachers promoted out of the classroom who have no idea how to manage adults and are laughably useless - I’d love to write a sitcom about them - and there is some toxicity and favouritism as a result. But I can handle it because I’ve been here before and I now just focus on the kids and having fun with them, and being the best teacher I can be. My colleagues are incredible and I feel inspired by them. I’m happy and I enjoy my work. I won’t stay here forever, but it has made me realise that teaching is what I love doing and I am hopeful that I will get to a school with decent management eventually. If you love the act and art of teaching, then you need to find a school where you can thrive. There will be one out there. It’s the school that’s the problem, not teaching. Good luck
and take as much time out as you need to recover. Teaching is tough and no one gets it unless they’ve done it x

I totally understand that she feels bullied, and it must be awful.
I don't know if that length of time 'sick' is reasonable or indeed viable.
I also hope she gets a chance to maybe use her teaching skills some more, as she's said she does enjoy aspects.

It isn't bullying to question someone choosing that they are going to 'go off sick' for 3 months.
When you are truly sick you don't know the duration of your illness. OP might feel better by oct half term, and able to return and finish her notice period. Except we all know she won't, because she has already decided she isn't going to - and that isn't sickness thats taking advantage of the sick pay in her contract because she doesnt want to go back.
Its no wonder schools are in a mess when people choose to do stuff like this. Schools have sod all money - so this term OP's school will try and muddle through with a mix of supply and her former colleagues will get dumped on and end up feeling extra stressed themselves.
Whenever anyone knows in advance how long they are 'going to be sick' for, you know straight away they aren't truly sick.

Is that a good move?

It could impact on what you want to do next- your medical record.

If you feel you're being bullied, take the appropriate action through formal channels.

I taught for decades and simply don't recognise the way you describe the school or your colleagues.

I think you should stay till Christmas and, as you love teaching but not that school, look for another teaching job.

I was in a similar position September 2022. Nervous all summer; got back and it was clear my name was on ‘the list’. Luckily it was a long list so I had time to get out but at 45 I was worried I was too expensive to move to a teaching role and get rid of my leadership responsibilities.
I was wrong. It wasn’t easy but I have found a teaching job where I, and my experience, are valued. And it’s like night v day; a different job.
You have the option to go off sick whenever, and use it if you need to, but if you can I would suggest going back in September with the one goal of being out by Christmas and try to apply for different jobs. It will be easier to get one if you are not off sick. And hopefully you will discover that you don’t hate teaching, you just hate your school.
Good luck.

They're not 'crafting a plan'; they're already sick.

Going into work in that state helps nobody.

Speaking as a teacher, and someone who has been involved with contract disputes as a union rep I would give your options careful consideration, this is how I see it...

1/. you go off sick, upside is you get out, downside is you potentially have 4 months of sick absence on your record, caveat is many non teaching employers understand the stress aspect of teaching. It will however make any return to teaching difficult.

2/. You give notice, leave at Christmas, this is the best and cleanest option, its entirely above board, no bad feeling, you can go back to teaching if you ever wanted to and will get a good reference, downside is unless you have found something, your pay stops at Christmas.

3/. Quit with immediate effect, a lot is talked about the notice periods, but in reality they are difficult to enforce, leaving early puts you in breach of contract, its highly unlikely they will come after you for money, but can go through a disciplinary process in absentia and bugger up your reference.

4/. You work on, look for a job outside of teaching, when you find one you give the school as much notice as possible, preferably full notice. This quite often happens when people leave teaching for a job outside, and its best to be upfront and negotiate a release from the contract.

Well the school could offer to reduce the notice period.

You are not being unreasonable. Quit and get your life back.

so you understand she is currently being bullied and feels her mental health has been impacted yet you still come on her and bully some more? Nice.

With all due respect, none of us know how 'sick' OP is. Clearly something isn't right, obviously.

She's fed up.

Is that being 'sick'?

Too many people add a MH label to feelings that are unpleasant but not an illness.

The fact she can 'plan' to be off sick suggests it's a construct - premeditated 'sickness'.

There are formal channels to tackle bullying at work.

Again, asking genuine questions isn't bullying. I'm not the only one raising these points but as a pp decided to jump on me a precedent has been set.

Totally agree with this. You don’t see threads on here with accountants moaning endlessly about how badly accountants are treated and agonising about whether to leave the job or not. Mostly people who don’t like their job or in a workplace with poor conditions either stick with it or change jobs…
I retrained as a teacher aged 50 after a previous career and have mostly enjoyed the job but the quality of management wouldn’t pass muster in a business enterprise/very amateurish. But people who have only ever been in a classroom are unaware of that.
After 13 years, have decided to quit and do something else - another career change at 63 and no intention of ever retiring.
I am handing in my notice this week to leave at Christmas but will tell the Head that if he gets someone sooner to do my job I’m happy to go then - gives him more flexibility and with any luck I will be able to go before the end of term. Wouldn’t play the ‘sick with stress’ card - very shabby and dishonest thing to do.
Why not just have an actual grown-up conversation with your Head and agree a mutually beneficial arrangement?

It’s absolutely awful, the resignation dates and cut offs make it so hard to actually be able to leave unless you are going to another school.

I was bullied out, but worked my notice I could have gone off on the sick but I decided to do the bare minimum instead. It was easier for me as I left in the summer and the preceding term was a lot shorter than the current one for OP

If OP is struggling with mental health due to the workplace then she is entitled to take time off work for it

I’m sure you ‘don’t recognise’ the OP’s account because you probably were one of the people doing the bullying, if you were ever a teacher before. Denying someone’s reality and questioning their competence (‘how long have you been teaching’) are classic bullying tactics. What a prize specimen you are.

If the OP can’t face going back to work and her mental health won’t allow her to, she can be on sick leave for as long as she needs to be. That is her right.

I’m sure she will be handing her notice in as soon as gets back and there may be the chance for her to negotiate early release. However bullies in management like to make people’s lives difficult so they may decide to punish the OP by making her stay until Christmas. In which case she would have my full support in taking the entire four months as sick leave, if she needs to.

Also, you cannot be discriminated against by a future employer for having taken sick leave in a previous job. Employers are no longer allowed to ask about this on job applications.

The issue with going off sick for a half term or term is that the school can't get a proper replacement and the pressure piles up on the remaining staff. This isn't the sick teacher's problem, but it can turn a bad situation in to a worse one for the remaining staff and students.

OP, someone suggested going in to the careers service. Round here those jobs are paying about £22k.

You have gone past “just asking questions “ some time ago and you know it. When lots of other posters think so and tell you then maybe rethink?

3 months off work 'sick' isn't going to do anyone any favours when applying for new jobs either in or out of teaching.

If she is ill she can't work the notice period. If she has a contract that she has to give notice by a certain date she is tied. The only alternative is to negotiate a different leaving date with the school but maybe if the toxic environment has made her ill she is entitled to her sick pay.

Try travelling and teaching in International Schools and in places where you would like to explore.
Try moving to your favourite sea side town and working as a tutor, or an emergency teacher.

Your approach sounds reasonable.
I hope you're happier whatever you're doing now.

I stayed working through my notice and Ieft completely broken. For 6 months after I couldn’t function properly - and no, vipers, I took nothing from government assistance even though I have paid into NI so was my right. I don’t think op deserves to be told she is dishonest and ‘crafting a plan’ she is clearly sick.

Best decision I ever made was leaving teaching. I was stuck in traffic one morning on the way to school, filled with the usual dread about my day ahead. I quit that day without another job to go to. Had to give 3 months notice, but managed to find another job I that time. I initially took a pay cut, but managed to work my way up again to a better salery😊