To stop 17 year old DS from going on a lads holiday?

[LockdownBride]

Ds is 17 and due to go on a city break next week with three friends who are just 18. I said yes because he’s usually sensible and trustworthy.

In the last two weeks, he’s come home blind drunk twice (the most recent being right now) - he’s had a few drinks before and been to parties but this is a whole other level. Tonight his friend called his mum to get DS and bring him back at 02.30am.

I spoke with him earlier this week about it. He’s having a wobble about his future and is struggling a bit with not knowing what to do - he’s half way through his A-levels and doing well.

Do I put my foot down and tell him that he can’t go because I can’t trust he’ll be safe or do I allow it, we’ve all done it?

I went on a girls holiday at 17 and Lord knows what we got up to.

I feel like I’m being overprotective but, I want to protect him 🤷‍♀️

Who’s paying for the holiday?

He has, he borrowed the money from me but has almost paid me back

How much does he still owe you?

£50

Let him go. Lots of us did similar stuff at that age, and it sounds like his friends are at least sensible enough to know when to call in a parent.

Make sure he's got a way of contacting you while he's abroad.

This is a really hard call. You already spoke to him about what was going on when he was drunk the first time, but now he’s drunk again, so you’re not seeing any signs he’s back on track in terms of responsible alcohol use. He’s usually sensible and trustworthy, you say, and he’s mostly paid you back for the trip, so you can’t say you’re not going to give him money for this.

I’d say tell him he can’t go. Hanging around with friends his age, and no adults, is going to be a really tempting scenario when it comes to drinking too much. And what if something like alcohol poisoning happens? Eighteen-year-old boys, who probably will have also been drinking, generally aren’t the people you’d choose to help someone during a medical emergency. He might be responsible most of the time, but he hasn’t been here.

I think he will just go anyway. I would have at 17 if my mum tried to stop me. Unless the plan is to steal his passport or something?
I'd say just have a good chat with him, sounds like you have a great relationship anyway.
He will have a great time. His friends sound decent enough!

Getting blind drunk at 17 is normal. You sound like you feel he has done something really wrong. Just because he hasn't up till now. As you said, we all did it.

It’s more the fact that I spoke to him about it days ago, he agreed he took it too far. He’s then done it again.

ime 17 is too old to tell them what to do, all you can do is keep dropping advice and hope it sinks in eventually. Tell him about the risks, and also how unfair he is being to his friends, that friends are important but easily lost, he is ruining their nights out with his immaturity and they won't put up with him being an idiot for long.

You cannot stop him. But have the best travel insurance you can for him. Ensure you have contact details for the others going and give him the talk, safe sex, safe sun, safe drinking and no drugs. Been where you are and sometimes you have to trust.

stopping him isn’t going to protect him - after all he isn’t that far off 18 and making his own decisions anyway particularly as he has paid for it

it sounds as if he is having a wobble and self medicating with alcohol which is never a good idea. Have you talked to him about why?

Travel insurance is not valid if you are wasted.

Has he got an GHIC/EHIC?

He is 17 you can’t stop him.

When is he 18?

March, so a little while yet

Yes, he has one.

Is he going abroad? It's not clear from your post. If so, perhaps let him know that many European countries are not as tolerant of drunken arseholery as we are in the UK, and he doesn't want to spend his break in a cell. OK, perhaps a bit dramatic, but it might work.....

I'd let him go. I went at 17. Be more worried if he wasn't getting drunk with his mates at that age to be honest.

That’s normal behaviour. My sons are very sensible but they have done the getting very drunk. Infact most older men still do it….and women.

The best travel insurance in the world still specifically excludes any consequence of drinking alcohol or the misuse of drugs, prescription or otherwise.

He needs a bloody harsh reality check before he's another 'My lovely boy tripped and fell over a balcony that he definitely wasn't climbing to try to impress the girls in the apartment above/couldn't possibly be expected to know that the swimming pool or sea floor was only 18 inches away when he dived in headfirst, please contribute to our Gofundme to keep him home as the EVIL insurance company won't pay out'.

I don’t think you can/should stop him.

i would sit him down and have another really serious chat with him about drinking and being abroad etc and even show him some news stories to make him see how serious it can get. Even the latest one with that poor boy in Tenerife.

Thankfully he seems to have sensible friends! Does he know why he gets so drunk? Drinking too quickly/strong alcohol/no food?

I completely get you being cautious and don't think it's normal. I would see how he is today, if he's not taking onboard his behaviour then he might not be old enough or sensible enough to go away.

I think it's a balance though as you don't want to ruin your relationship with him. How come his friends are already 18?

I dont know how you can stop him, short of stealing his passport.
I would not have looked kindly on my mom if she had tried to stop me doing anything after age 15. Got to make your own mistakes to learn from, but at 17, I would have taken no notice.

When will he be old enough in your eyes to travel abroad?

If you stop him he will resent you, forever.

Totally understand why you're anxious, but you need to let him go. He's 17, getting drunk is almost a rite of passage, most of us have done it!
You say he's normally trustworthy and sensible....if you stop him going, then I don't think your relationship will recover. My son was 16 when he wanted to go to his first rock festival, camping for three days with his mates.....I was so worried but he had an absolute blast. He was also a good lad, so I felt if I stopped him going then he may well have thought, what's the point in behaving myself (on the whole!), she doesn't trust me. So off he went and I'm pretty sure they all drank too much and parted 24/7 but they all came back in one piece....filthy, exhausted but in one piece!