To stop 17 year old DS from going on a lads holiday?

[LockdownBride]

Ds is 17 and due to go on a city break next week with three friends who are just 18. I said yes because he’s usually sensible and trustworthy.

In the last two weeks, he’s come home blind drunk twice (the most recent being right now) - he’s had a few drinks before and been to parties but this is a whole other level. Tonight his friend called his mum to get DS and bring him back at 02.30am.

I spoke with him earlier this week about it. He’s having a wobble about his future and is struggling a bit with not knowing what to do - he’s half way through his A-levels and doing well.

Do I put my foot down and tell him that he can’t go because I can’t trust he’ll be safe or do I allow it, we’ve all done it?

I went on a girls holiday at 17 and Lord knows what we got up to.

I feel like I’m being overprotective but, I want to protect him 🤷‍♀️

This is the best advice I think

If he’ll still be underage when he goes on holiday, you need to know what the usual response is there to underage drinking. Presumably as his mates are 18 they might have to take responsibility for him? That could be awkward. Mine was 18 when he did the Magaluf holiday and we focused on safety and not being stupid - and yes, not causing problems for your mates by being a total idiot. Fortunately they were all relatively sensible as far as we can tell- all came back safe and still mates.

I went on a girls holiday at 17 with 5 friends and my sister.
Mum was ok if we was to safe and no drinking our selfs stupid.
We were hammered every night for a week.
Good times.
Went away again at 18 with same friends and my mother told us to have a wild time and enjoy it as she never did get to do it told to me to stay safe and gave me a box of comdoms.
We had a blast.

Most of us did the getting drunk and embarassing ourselves when teenagers. The one thing I'd tell him is that a city break place is completely different to a cheap hotel in ibiza. If he comes back bladdered, or they are making a noise and a nuisance of themselves in the hotel. They could find themselves thrown out.

Not as easy getting home early from eg Barelona as from a weekend away in Manchester.

I’ve never understood this attitude. Lots of people, including teenagers, don’t see the appeal of drinking too much and acting stupid and throwing up. Would you actually, seriously be worried about a teenager who never got drunk?

That’s a tough one. I would be concerned but what can you do? I might conveniently show up, in the background to keep an eye on things. Or send a trusted adult male to keep an eye on things from a distance. Unless they did something dangerous, I wouldn’t intervene. Good luck!

No. Getting blind drunk aged 17 is NOT normal. I'd have a serious, calm talk with him explaining that getting blind drunk makes him vulnerable to accusations by equally drunk girls (and predators). I'd veto the lads' holiday (if possible) until he can show he's more sensible

😂. He's a child of course she can!

I wouldn’t have agreed to the holiday in the first place with him being 17. He’s not legally old enough to drink and isn’t legally an adult either.
getting hammered and coming home (I would be annoyed ) is completely different to getting to hammered on a lads holiday in another country.
my sons 19 and if he asked me at 17 to go away the answer would be no. Party pooper or not there’s too many fatal accidents abroad with teenagers getting pissed up.

I have a son the same age. There’s absolutely no way on earth I’d let him go on a holiday with friends. He’s utterly irresponsible and can barely take care of himself. I guess it all depends on the child. My daughter went away for the first time last year the day after she turned 18. I would have trusted her a year earlier though.

Me neither very strange to be worried about your child NOT getting blind drink 🤯

You don't actually have a choice if he pays for it as the legal age to fly is 16.

OP how drunk are we talking? The fact he can go to work makes me think drunk but not in danger in which case I would have a word about not upsetting his friends and knowing when to stop then let him get on with it.

I meet DH at a similar age he used to try and fall asleep on the walk home. In the summer the worst that would have happened to him is waking up minus his phone and wallet.

Hmm I’m the parent, he’s a child so yes I do have a choice , what a moronic thing to say. Do you think he’d just walk out of the house and go on holiday 😂😂

How is it all going op?

I would also as ott as it is consider stopping him but understand all the reasons why this wouldn't be helpful.

My son travelled abroad with friends at 17 and I didn't provide any letter for passport control. Didn't know it was such a thing (although I've since seen it mentioned on here ).

Have a long hard chat with him tomorrow telling him how his behaviour is worrying you & the thought of him getting in that kind of state while away is playing on your mind. Let him know that you trust him & hope that he makes the right choices while he's away & that he can contact you anytime at all day or night if he feels the need to. At 17 he's probably feeling overwhelmed by exams, the thought of leaving school soon, getting a job or going to Uni & is wanting to block it all out for a bit but doesn't know how to handle it all so drinks to forget. Don't stop him from going but reiterate the fact you're not happy with recent events & if he doesn't stop before his holiday then you might have to postpone his first lads holiday until you can trust him more.

We didn't all get drunk at 17,or any other age. I've got 4 DK grown up dgks. All tried alcohol, one the oldest didn't stop,thinks because she's not hungover then it's ok. What would these rite of passage posters be saying if this was a girl,who got drunk had unprotected sex, then said it was rape or got pregnant. The laws concerning drinking etc are a lot more stringent abroad. It depends on the person, not the age, some of mine I would have been happy to let them go at 16.

I think you need to let him go. Tell him you’re putting a lot of faith in him to do the right thing and take care of himself and his friends. Make sure you have access to Find My iPhone or Life 360 so that you know where he is.

@Tangerinenets I would have done if my parents tried to tell me what to do at 17. I was driving and getting ready to go to uni at that age.

Well my kids wouldn’t. They are kind and respectful teenagers. I wouldn’t have st the same age either.