My mum would talk about wanting to breastfeed my baby

[medoww]

Just want to know if I'm overreacting or not?! When I was breastfeeding my son (breastfed until 16 months he's now 3) my mum used to make comments about breastfeeding him!
She would say things like "Oh I know your hungry nanny would give you her milk if I could" and when he would do the looking for milk thing at the breast area that all babies do (he even would do this to my husband) if my mum was holding him she would say "Oh look he wants milk from me" not just that he's hungry. I can't even explain the rage I would feel inside from this. She never even breasted herself with me or my siblings so I find it even more odd. I'm due my 2nd baby soon so it brought these memories back and I'm dreading these comments again. AIBU to feel this way?

You feel angry because they’re aren’t many things more intimate than breastfeeding your baby and it sounds like you felt she wanted to intrude on the relationship you had with him through it and take something from you. I wonder if she’s got some long-standing regrets about not breastfeeding her own children? Has she ever said so?

When mine have gone rooting around my mum when hungry or just being fans of boobs she’s said “nothing here for you, let’s pass you to mummy”. I know she loved feeding all of us and is glad it’s gone well for me and I feel respected by her generally and so her approach is consistent with that.

My stepmum on the other hand never passed up an opportunity to tell me I was feeding too often, for too long, gripe, bitch, moan and criticise, it’s been fucking exhausting. I’m sure she’s met a bf baby before but you wouldn’t know it.

She's a weirdo.

YANBU
I think I would say to her "Actually mum I know you think you are being kind/cute etc but when you say things like that I think its highly inappropriate and it makes me feel deeply uncomfortable. Please could you stop, thanks!" and then move by saying something like "How about a cup of tea/biscuit?" Be firm but fair.

I'm going to go against the grain, it sounds like a stupid comment, I wouldn't read that far into it.

It does sound like she's over stating her position though... As if the baby has chosen her. She needs to get a grip, it's just how baby shows they are hungry. I'd shut that down with a "oh, baby did that to the lad in Tesco yesterday who held her while I found my purse" or some such ridiculous person.

You know her best and her intentions.

I'd ask her if she was a pervert with a breastfeeding fetish & then watch her reaction.

Yeah it's repulsive and the only milk your baby needs is yours.

The thing is, if you tell her to stop being nauseous and to stop the cringe, she may get the message or cause issues such as behaving like she's spoilt at being pulled up.

So, if I was you, I would just wait and see what she does and if you see her making an 'attempt' to breast feed your baby, then go hell for leather at her as if she did this, it woukd be 100 red flags and would be massively over stepping the mark.

Of course, it's up to what you choose to do.

YANBU
Tho I don't think it is intentional , more that she wishes she did or could again.

My mother would make similar comments but I always took it as a light hearted observation not some sort of competitive thing? If she was holding the baby I would see them root and it was sign that they were hungry. What's your relationship like? I honestly think it's weird this would give you 'rage' unless there's a backstory

It's jokey comments she doesn't mean it clearly.

Having rage about it sounds OTT.

Agree with this but you need to tell your mum that you'd prefer her not to make these comments

Surprised by the comments here. You're taking her very literally, unless you're about to drip feed that she unstrapped her bra and tried latching him on it just sounds like light hearted comments to me. You're reading way too much into it but assume something else is going on.

Post partum hormones are mental, in fairness.

OP, if she genuinely meant it, I'd think she was being massively inappropriate, but from what you've said, they're just silly comments. I would try not to get annoyed (though it's a tough time, I get that).

I breastfed all of my children, my mum would say things like this all the time. The joke somehow even jokier because she'd had a double mastectomy.

In the kindest way, I think you're being too sensitive, but I was too when I was pregnant (and still am now, half a decade later). All the best with the rest of your pregnancy.

That is majorly weird sorry @medoww I'd be giving her a very wide berth/cutting down visits. Who the F says this?!

The best response is the simplest.

Look her straight in the face and say 'what an utterly odd thing to say'. Pause for a moment with a look that says 'have you gone mad'.

Take your baby and walk out.

Are you sure the doesn’t just mean it in the literal sense? Like “I would give you milk if I could” as in, if you took a bottle I would feed you but you need to give mummy a minute to finish what she’s doing and then she can feed you?
From those 2 comments alone I think it’s very weird to be angry for 3 years about some notion that she was desperate to breastfeed her grandchild.

OP, I think you need to take your mother’s remarks as “banter” - all she’s really saying is that she loves her DGS and would feed him if she could. I know it can be a sensitive subject - my DGS (4 months) was rooting, and I said no good looking at Grandma: nothing here, and my daughter said, “That’s just so wrong on so many levels” so I have taken care never to say anything like that again - but I didn’t mean anything by it! I think for some mothers, though, it can be a sensitive subject, so maybe next time, just tell your DM that you find it inappropriate.

@Irridescantshimmmer I would just wait and see what she does and if you see her making an 'attempt' to breast feed your baby, then go hell for leather at her as if she did this

There are leaps and then there is this.

Thank you for the replies. I had actually forgotten about it until now but at the time I really hated it. She had no desire to breastfeed herself. Tbh I just put it down to hormones but I would never say or suggest such a thing about someone else’s baby even my own grandchildren, I just find it odd. I never said anything at the time as I wasn’t sure if I was overreacting and trying to figure out how I should handle it this time around.

Eeewwewwwee

Tell her that if she does this again she’s banned from the house till he’s weaned - seriously that is crossing a massive line.

What you said is quite different.

It was a weird thing for her to say. I would have had been revolted by this.

people Get strangely proprietorial about feeding babies. I had comments from some family members about it being a shame that they couldn’t feed my son because he was breastfed, but at least they weren’t implying they wanted to breastfeed him. Some people can’t seem to understand that 1) for many people breastfeeding is a very intimate thing and 2) there are other ways to bond with a baby

My MIL made a lot of remarks with an agenda about feeding because she was desperate to be involved with feeding in any way possible.

She'd be telling me that he wasn't hungry when he was crying for me, she'd tell me that he WAS hungry when he started chewing his hands, she'd ask me about weaning him on glop at 4 months from before he was born, and when she'd made a lunch full of cheese and butter she was determined to give him a bit even though he's dairy intolerant and I had to wrestle him off her (and I had to grind my teeth when she said that his runny nappy was down to mexican food that he ate all the time).

She calmed down a lot when she could actually feed him.

Lots of people say that new mums are sensitive, but I think that new grandparents are often equally potty tbh.

What a bizarre thing to say in response to a babies natural behaviour when hungry!

I've had friends and relations babies do this to me and the normal response is to laugh and say something like:

'Shit out of luck there kiddo, lets go and see Mummy'...

And then pass the baby over to the appropriate person.