My mum would talk about wanting to breastfeed my baby

[medoww]

Just want to know if I'm overreacting or not?! When I was breastfeeding my son (breastfed until 16 months he's now 3) my mum used to make comments about breastfeeding him!
She would say things like "Oh I know your hungry nanny would give you her milk if I could" and when he would do the looking for milk thing at the breast area that all babies do (he even would do this to my husband) if my mum was holding him she would say "Oh look he wants milk from me" not just that he's hungry. I can't even explain the rage I would feel inside from this. She never even breasted herself with me or my siblings so I find it even more odd. I'm due my 2nd baby soon so it brought these memories back and I'm dreading these comments again. AIBU to feel this way?

Heck I was still bf my youngest when I had a dgc. I didn't even said that when technically I could have bf him!!
My mil told me it wasn't fair I bf my dc when she was unable to... She fumed her way through 3 x dc's worth of bf!

nanny would give you her milk if I could

Ugh. That's such a weird thing to say.

I would look at her, totally pan-faced, and say "do you realise how creepy that sounds".

It's something people say! I wouldn't get offended unless she went on and on about it.

Can you not say eugh mum that's so weird!!

Holy fuck, no it is not.

Why on earth would you?!

My mum did this to me. I found it annoying at the time but didn't say anything as she's such a lovely woman and I realised she was just reliving her own new mum with a newborn baby days through me.

Of course it's an odd thing to say but I'd just ignore the comments and cut her a bit of slack, especially if she's a loving mum and grandmother
edit for typo

This!

Some of you have really weird thoughts about breastfeeding. You're making it sound perverted.

We don’t. But a grandmother saying to her daughter she’d like to breastfeed her child is all sorts of suffocating / controlling / and strange. Why would you want to breastfeed someone else’s child, or if you do, keep it to yourself.

Maybe I was just over reacting, I’m
not sure. I don’t usually take things personally but this really got to me as I felt like I couldn’t say anything as wasn’t sure if I was taking it the wrong way or not. Thinking back I think it was more because I felt she was getting some type of enjoyment and validation from thinking my baby wanted to feed from her because when I told her that DS looks for milk like that from DH she didn’t like it and acted shocked. If she does it again this time I will definitely tell her to stop.

@olivecapes

I’m not calling my mum a pervert 😂 and certainly didn’t take it in a perverted way. Just massively overstepping talking about breastfeeding my baby.

I honestly don’t read it she wants to breast feed - just he is hungry.. she can’t feed him ..

it’s seems over analysis to me .

however .. if she say it with the next you feel uncomfortable then just tell her ..

some very over the top dramatic replies on here

Yes.

I think it is odd that people think the only way to bond with a baby is by feeding them. I wonder if it’s because it takes the least amount of effort and babies are more likely to accept it compared to other things.

My mum was annoying when I was nursing my first, asking how long I was going to do it for, why was I still doing it after six months and again after he was one when I told her from the beginning that I was going to nurse to at least 2 if possible.

Saying that, when our children did root for milk, she would joke that there was nothing there, not even dust, apologise to baby, and hand them back.

This exactly. ^

Aww she's just missing those days herself. It must be hard to have all that behind you. I'd leave her be. But also remind her that the baby does that with everyone.

But a grandmother saying to her daughter she’d like to breastfeed her child

That was not actually said though, not once.

“She would say things like "Oh I know your hungry nanny would give you her milk if I could"”

What does that imply if not that she wants to breastfeed her?! She doesn’t must say she wants to give the baby milk, she says she wants to give the baby HER milk. IE breastfeed her.

My guess is your DM has overstepped or undermining you in other ways too?

OP says she her mum didn’t bf and never wanted to.

I don’t think you’re overreacting OP, you’ve remembered what it was like last time you had a small baby and how you felt undermined, or whatever the feeling was, by your mum at a time that you were possibly vulnerable, hormonal and needed people to support you.

I had a similar thing with my stepmum. I’d mostly forgotten her obsession with me feeding DD, not least because her criticisms extended to cover most of our parenting decisions over the following years until I put a stop to it. But when I was back there happily feeding a newborn doing completely normal non remarkable newborn stuff I had an almost visceral reaction to remembering the constant nit picking and for someone who rarely feels rage it made me feel absolutely furious.

You're not far off a time when you can anticipate your mum being weird about it again and you feel anxious, defensive and protective of yourself and your baby.

My mum always said her baby having a baby made the baby feel like her baby…sorry that is a weird way of wording it.

I rolled my eyes and found some comments a bit weird. I always shut down with a snarky comment of my own. I can see why it makes you feel uncomfortable. Just be honest with her, she’s your mum at the end of the day. She’s probably overwhelmed with emotion/love and hasn’t realised what a weird thing to say that is!

Seeing our own dc with dc can stir wistful feelings but not if they didn't bf themselves!!

I agree

Tell her DH is taking the hormones this time and will be helping.

Refer her to various articles of biological men chest feeding if she think you're being ridiculous. If that doesn't stop her, nothing will.

For what it's worth - I do think your DD was over reacting on that one.

I can't even count all the times that joke was made by various family members and friends (male and female) when holding my baby and they started rooting - so many people used to say 'no use looking at me' in that scenario. It's just a bit silly funny.

My SIL once said, about me, to my 3-4mth old nephew herself 'just because hers are bigger doesn't mean they're working'. Everyone just laughed. It's funny.

The film Look Who's Talking - literally made entire audiences all over the world laugh - when the girl with extremely big boobs, was cooing over the baby and John Travolta said to the baby - 'you thinking what I'm thinking' and the voice over of the baby said 'yeah LUNCH'. Can't remember but either way, it's a funny joke.

Think you were very kind to be honest - if I'd have said that as a response I think my family would have thought I'd lost my mind and they'd have told me straight up 'don't be so bloody ridiculous!'.

Reading the original OP's thread back I think I put alot more onus on the 'FROM ME' part.

But actually, people who fall on the side of 'over reacting' could be right - because that's an example of it's not what you say - it's how you say it. 'Look he wants milk from me' - if someone said it with the onus on the 'from me' - it would be weird as if saying 'he wants me specifically to breastfeed him because he loves me more'. Which is what I took OP to be saying. Obviously that's, in your DD's words, 'wrong on so many levels'.

But if just pointing out the baby is rooting - not weird.