Or is there a solution I can't see?

[Emeraldiisland]

Two weeks ago my 16 year old DD had an unexplained seizure. She is okay now but the hospital advised she is not to be left alone until she sees neurological team (5 month wait).
Admi we don't stick to this all the time, as she obviously doesn't sleep in our room or anything but in the day either me, DH or eldest are with her.
She wants to go to college in September and DH said to me I will have to take her and pick her up every day but I don't think I can. To start with it's a round trip of 90 minutes so 3 hours a day and second what do I do with my son?
He's starting school on a very reduced timetable but I can't get him in for 8:45 and get my daughter to college for 9. I mean l could drop her off early but I'd probably have to leave at 7 and drag my son along (totally ready for school) to make sure I'm back in time for school.
DS will be shattered and that leads to huge meltdowns (he's severely autistic)..
I will then have to take him with me to pick her up. I can't leave him at home as DD1 and DH will be at work.
The only solution I can see is to defer DS until January and pray she's seen by then but I fought so hard to get him starting in September and tbh he needs some routine and since leaving nursery he's become quite clingy so I was hoping school would help in that way. He's going to be at a disadvantage when he starts school due to addional needs but think he'll be at an even bigger disadvantage if he starts when the class is established, they all know the routine and have friends and he is new and on his own.
Uber isn't going to be practical until January as the cost will be too much and obviously going by bus could be a risk if she has another seizure.
At the moment options seems to be
Take her to college super early
Risk her getting the bus
Defer DS (which is easiest but I really really want to avoid).
I don't think there's an answer but if anyone can think of something please let me know.

Can DH not take her? Not sure why he is delegating this task like your staff but that's how it's coming across

Any of her friends parents who would be driving their kids to the same college who could take her ? Sorry I know that's a big ask of someone else given the possible circumstances. Or another parent dropping your ds off once he is past the settling in stage of course.

What is DH doing towards this and why is he 'telling' you that you will have to do this? He needs to make arrangements with his work during this period of crisis, as you can't be in 2 places at once.

She gets the bus with a friend who knows what to do if it happens again.

DH takes one of them.

You describe this as if DH has just thrown this ball over the fence and walked away! What does he suggest? What is his role in this, how can he temporarily alter his day to make sure everyone gets to where they need to get to safely?

She wants to go to college in September and DH said to me I will have to take her and pick her up every day

Is DH your boss?!

There will always be someone on the bus every day-even if it’s the bus driver. The. make sure she tells people she travels with about the seizures.

In this instance I’d relook at her college place and move to somewhere nearer. We got a baby monitor in for DS after a seizure for nighttime if she is willing. DS was much younger though in fairness so your DD might not be keen. If she has epilepsy then you might be dealing with unpredictable seizures until medication is sorted and for the moment I’d want to be nearer than 90 minutes away.

Bus with friend
Nearer college?
DH does the reception school run.

Does she have ASD too? The overlap between ASD and epilepsy is around 1 in 3 so it is common in that cohort. BTW I would put your DS in school that is extremely important too.

She gets the bus and you get her a medic alert type necklace/bracelet/card she carries in the meantime?

I’d look for a closer college.

Those berating the DH, have you considered he might have a job such as; police/train driver/postie where it’s not possible to alter your hours/shifts? Not all jobs have flexibility.

Ok. I might be missing something but why can’t she take the bus? I know you said not to leave alone. Well she won’t be alone on the bus. If she has another seizure then they will stop the bus and call an ambulance which is presumably what you would do driving her to college so what’s wrong with her going on public transport?

It's down to me because I'm SAHM and he's working. He probably could take some time off (starting later) but he won't do that.
Unfortunately she's going to a different college than her friends as it's only this college that offers the course she wants. Slightly complicated as she is also autistic (high functioning) so unlikely to tell people she's travelling with.
I think it's probably too much to ask another parent to look after DS in the morning and drop him off because he is a handful and if he's having a meltdown I wouldn't put that on another parent.

She goes the normal route and if something happens someone calls an ambulance.

What does she want? Is she happy enough to go by bus?

Pay privately to see a consultant?

Taxi? Or one to a closer college?

Arrange for someone to meet her from the bus stop?

Have a medical emergency card with your number on in case of emergency? Make sure you can track her whereabouts.

Speak to the college - they might be able to make an adjustment for her to start later. Then you could drop ds off and take her after. You're still doing a massive trip but at least could do both. Any maybe the bus home.

https://www.medicalert.org.uk/products/

Get her something like this

Make sure she has a medical emergency bracelet and full medical emergency information on her phone. They wouldn't ask this of an adult and it's not reasonable to ask it of a 16 year old. Do you think they might have meant don't let her go off on her own rurally or late at night (i.e where there wouldn't be someone around to see what happened)? That would be a more logical thing to have meant I think?

Can she defer for a year? If her condition is serious it may be that she has to have significant time off anyway. She's old enough to see that. And her little brother shouldn't suffer.
Otherwise just let her go alone and call an ambulance if she's unwell.

That seems a very unreal ask to not leave a 16 year old alone for 5 months. I’m not sure how anybody would achieve that?!

But I would not defer DS school start, I would argue this is actually a higher priority. I would look to defer DD instead if I’m honest. Probably not a popular opinion, but I would look into a different college, part time course even which might be more workable hours wise. I would say 45 minute journey is too far in this situation, and if she had a seizure at college you are such a very long way away.

DD needs to consider alternative options, or take the risk of having a seizure alone (which is entirely possible anyway as who can be with a 16 year old 24/7 for 5 months, you would have to take her into the bathroom with you and to your bedroom etc).

Drop DS at 8:45 and DD at 10:15. Have a word with college I'm sure they'd understand. Or defer her for a year with what's going on.

90 minutes by car - how long is the bus journey? That’s incredibly inconvenient. It doesn’t seem fair at all to delay DS’s September school start because she’s chosen a college which is so far away. Better for her to defer until she can take the bus herself.

Edit: apologies I misread. It’s a 45-minute journey each way.

Bus with trusted friends who know what to do

Did she get any seizure stopping medication on discharge? If not then if she has another one an ambulance will need to be phoned so that paramedics can administer it. If she has a medic alert bracelet then I think that will be probably the best possible choice here. People around her can ring for an ambulance. As others said getting a bus means she won’t be alone.