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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Estate Agent contacting DH not me

71 replies

LightBulbMome · 23/08/2024 22:13

I've recently organised some valuations on our house, as we are intending to put it up for sale soon. It was me that contacted the estate agents and me that had the meeting with the EA today. DH only popped in at the end to say hello and see EA out, as I had an online meeting starting (EA was 30 minutes late arriving).

I was wondering why I'd not had the email valuation, as EA said he would send it today. It turns out that he had sent it to DH not me! I vaguely remembered that one of the agents had taken DH contact details, as well as mine, although I'd declined to give them his phone number, as it will be me dealing with them. I must have given them his email address, but I'd definitely given mine first. DH has checked, and it was sent just to him, as I was wondering if maybe they'd mistyped my email or something. But no! Just straightforward chauvinism.

I'm fuming. AIBU?

OP posts:
theeyeofdoe · 23/08/2024 22:17

He was late and emailed the wrong person, so don’t use him.

RedHelenB · 23/08/2024 22:18

Yabu.

BananaSpanner · 23/08/2024 22:20

You could be right, it could be straightforward chauvinism and you’re not wrong to be angry.
Or it could be that as your DH saw them out, the conversation finished with the EA saying he’d email the valuation out to him and DH was the last person he spoke with.
If you’re going to be the point of contact, just email and correct them. Or just use a different agent if this has put you off.

IMustDoMoreExercise · 23/08/2024 22:22

When I was buying a new build with my ex boyfriend the sales person would only talk to him about mortgages even though it was me arranging it.

invisiblecat · 23/08/2024 22:22

Bloody typical of MN these days for the first replies on any thread to be downright contrary and disagree with the OP just for the sake of it.

OP - I am totally with you, and I wouldn't be at all happy either. You are totally justified in feeling cross about this.

LannieDuck · 23/08/2024 22:48

YANBU. Drop them. If they get something like that so wrong so early on, imagine how the rest of the process will go...

LightBulbMome · 23/08/2024 22:50

LannieDuck · 23/08/2024 22:48

YANBU. Drop them. If they get something like that so wrong so early on, imagine how the rest of the process will go...

I think we have to drop them really. It's a shame, as they are the biggest one around here, and have most local properties in our price bracket on their books. I will see how the other ones come across, fingers crossed they impress me more favourably.

OP posts:
FranceIsWhereItsAt · 23/08/2024 23:09

In all honesty from our experience of selling our home a few months back, and having tried to sell it the year before, every single EA we dealt with was absolute crap!! I used to be an EA myself, and was absolutely horrified at the lack of attention to detail in the property particulars. A video was taken which did absolutely NOTHING for the property, as it was taken by a rank amateur. Then they sent out a young man who had never seen the property before, to show people around, he had not done his homework, and knew absolutely NOTHING about our property, which was far from your average 3 bed semi or detached. We were actually selling 2 homes, on one parcel of land, and this guy didn't have a clue. In the end I took over the showing, and based on this experience, negotiated a discount on the sale fees in order that I should do the showings myself. Before instructing an agent, we tried both local small but well established agents, together with the big boys who have bases in London, and yet none of them, were worth having in reality. Having waited in for an hour, whilst expecting an agent to come and appraise the property, I called his office and asked to speak to him. I was told he was out doing a valuation, so I said 'well actually he's not, as it's my house he's supposed to be valuing'. The woman I spoke to actually argued with me, and said she would ask him to call me as soon as she heard from him. He eventually called me, and said that he'd been double booked, but no apology was forthcoming, it was just take it or leave it. Appalling service from them all! We even had one agent, who spent 2 hours just talking herself and her company up on a Friday afternoon. She left, telling us that she would send draft details to us by close of business the following Monday. We never heard from her or her company again!!

Trouble is, they all think that a house will sell itself, which it will if it's in good order, and nicely presented, but it absolutely horrifies me when I see the state of some of the places advertised, with clothes and clutter all over the place, toilet seats left up, etc. These are the things that a good agent should tell you to rectify before you put your place on the market, but they simply don't do that, and then wonder why people get pissed off because their property hasn't sold. You can actually tell someone that they need to get rid of their clutter, and give the place a good clean, when you're preparing them to put their home on the market, without causing offence, as long as you word it nicely, but the vast majority of agents, just look on it as a job, and can't be bothered to put in the effort, as they know that houses will eventually sell, whatever state they're in.

Sorry, rant over! Good luck finding a decent agent OP.

Row23 · 24/08/2024 06:50

I would just not use them to sell your house. This guys job is to sell the agency to you and make you want to enter into an agreement with them to sell your house. He’s technically done his job by sending over the valuation, but he’s not doing anything to really make you want to use them as he’s making you feel like he doesn’t value you.
As someone who works in property sales and is doing EA qualifications, I can say he’s not technically done anything wrong. But I would say he’s not being thorough enough with ensuring he’s actually trying to get you to use his company. I’m which case, like someone else has mentioned, I’m not sure I’d feel confident that he or the agency he represents would do as good a job at advertising, marketing and selling your house as you would hope.
The first contact and meeting are really important and something as simple as sending an email to one person and not another can really make a difference, as you’ve shown.

LlynTegid · 24/08/2024 06:54

Drop them straight away, make it very clear why. Warn others about them if you can.

Yet another reason for there to be proper regulation of estate agents.

Changingname1988 · 24/08/2024 07:02

I agree that’s annoying if they’ve been told you’re the main contact. Although I’ve had the complete opposite experience when moving: everyone only contacting me! It wasn’t a straightforward process at all so there were so many calls, emails, decisions etc over the months and they all came to me. I shared things with DH, but generally at the end of the day if we’d been working, so he got the “I’ve had 5 phone calls today with X and Y, this is the situation now and we need to decide A or B.” So much more stressful for me managing it all coming in. So be careful what you wish for 😉

TomeTome · 24/08/2024 07:03

Drop him an email saying you have yet to receive his email. Explain that given you are looking for an agent to manage the sale of your property that that, linked with the fact he was 30mins late makes it hard to see how you can work together going forward.

DisabledDemon · 24/08/2024 07:07

If they're popular, use them - no point in cutting your nose off to save your face - but do express your opinion. If their salesmen are misogynistic dicks, tell them so.

grafittiartist · 24/08/2024 07:12

Same happened at the bank for me.
I had set up the appointment, I do all the banking, I had even been the one to check in at the reception for the meeting.
But I was ignored for the entire start of the meeting- my husband was welcomed.

xxSideshowAuntSallyxx · 24/08/2024 07:13

I had this when we sold the marital home, certain EAs only ever spoke to my ex, even though it was half my house. Then I used to get the patronising "don't you want to speak to your husband before deciding" like I couldn't decide for us.

ETA my ex would have said yes to anything including the lowest offer just to spite me.

RhubarbAndCustardSweets · 24/08/2024 08:18

Surely these days it doesn't matter if they're the biggest agent as everyone finds their house on Rightmove anyway? So drop them!

Wakeywake · 24/08/2024 08:32

Yep, straightforward misogyny. It happens the other way around as well, DH is the main contact for the school, who do they call about the kids? Me.

Dinosaurdrip · 24/08/2024 08:38

I had this too, when me and DH were buying our house, the solicitor would only email DH. DH always replied copying me in and even asked for them to include me in the emails, they still just sent to him.
Similarly our house insurance (in both of our names) letters come addressed to only DH!

xyz111 · 24/08/2024 08:38

I had this the other week. Went to a car showroom to look at a car I was buying, and the sales person spoke to my DH the whole time. I didn't buy from there.

Whyhaveibeencutoutofmamsnot · 24/08/2024 08:44

For us the salesperson talking to DH works best - I will just listen to what they say make mental notes while DH uses his gift of the gab to encourage them to dig themselves a hole. I can then ask the questions

Antsinmypantsneedtodance · 24/08/2024 08:45

YANBU really. I'd be annoyed. But also just deal with it.

Just email them with a reminder that all correspondence needs to go through you. Even though it wpuld be clear to me, or i'd at least email both of you, they seem to wamt to deal with "the man of the house". Just make it very clear who they need to communicate with.

Last house we sold technically it was DH's (his before we met and mortgage etc in his name). But the agents soon learnt I was the one who sorted stuff out and communicated with me and copied him into emails. I mean they absolutely hated me i'm sure. As i didn't let them get away with their stupid tricks and lazy antics. But they knew if they wanted stuff done it was me.

Just whip them into shape. But be warned if they're acting like this subtley be cautious of their tricks. Know your stuff and don't fall for everything they tell you (can you tell i dislike estate agents?)

TwinklyAmberOrca · 24/08/2024 08:50

I'd meet with another agent and go with someone who understands equality.

I'd then email the first agent and say that as they haven't emailed you their quote yet you decided to go with someone else.

Even if they're not being chauvinist, they clearly lack attention to detail which is not ideal when selling a house.

MasterBeth · 24/08/2024 08:55

invisiblecat · 23/08/2024 22:22

Bloody typical of MN these days for the first replies on any thread to be downright contrary and disagree with the OP just for the sake of it.

OP - I am totally with you, and I wouldn't be at all happy either. You are totally justified in feeling cross about this.

No-one, including you, knows if the OP's estate agent was being mysoginistic or merely incompetent, which the second poster pointed out.

wonderstuff · 24/08/2024 09:02

When we were selling we asked everyone to go through me, DH hates dealing with money and gets a bit overwhelmed, every time the solicitor would contact dh first, mortgage broker would talk to DH in meetings like I was invisible, straightforward misogyny. Primary school would also contact me when dh was primary contact.

Krampers · 24/08/2024 09:05

Yes had this- Me black female, dh white male. They tried that nonsense however when they discovered I at the time was earning 3 x what he was plus me giving a piece of my mind that soon stopped.

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