Estate Agent contacting DH not me

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I've recently organised some valuations on our house, as we are intending to put it up for sale soon. It was me that contacted the estate agents and me that had the meeting with the EA today. DH only popped in at the end to say hello and see EA out, as I had an online meeting starting (EA was 30 minutes late arriving).

I was wondering why I'd not had the email valuation, as EA said he would send it today. It turns out that he had sent it to DH not me! I vaguely remembered that one of the agents had taken DH contact details, as well as mine, although I'd declined to give them his phone number, as it will be me dealing with them. I must have given them his email address, but I'd definitely given mine first. DH has checked, and it was sent just to him, as I was wondering if maybe they'd mistyped my email or something. But no! Just straightforward chauvinism.

I'm fuming. AIBU?

Could be plain incompetence.

Ask the agent where your valuation is. If its a mistake he'll apologise. If it was deliberate give him a piece of your mind. Then move agents.

This happened when we bought. I was dealing with it all but they constantly contacted DH and he had to tell them to contact me... again.

I "fell out" with an airline a few years ago after booking flights for me and DH.
I used my online account, put myself as lead passenger, paid using my credit card and my email address was the contact.
Every email I received about the booking was addressed to DH...

A pity you did not challenge it, indeed a pity your DH did not, a simple 'my wife does all the banking, talk to her I will just listen' as that would have been even better.

I think they've put you both into their database and the administrator has pasted one address into the email, I'd be surprised if the lister did that themselves.

I had this with the agent when we bought our house. I did EVERYTHING, including bidding at the auction. They sent the email with the bank details for the deposit to DH. It was only me contacting them to ask where it was that got them the money. FFS.

Bank statements etc often come solely directed to DH too, despite them being joint accounts.

I'm reading this post and the replies baffled, I am the only one who couldn't care less if they emailed me or my DH, as long as they emailed one of us? They had both email addresses on file, but you're fuming they used one of them. I dont know, can't get my head around this way of thinking or the replies. Me and DH are a team, couldn't care less whose email address was used.

I wouldn’t use them and I’d tell them why.

Are they still doing that? I had exactly the same experience 20 years ago with a major national agent at the top end of the market.

I arranged the appt and showed him around. The letter with the valuation came to my DH who he'd never spoken to, let alone met.

Needess to say I did not appoint them and took great pleasure in telling them why.

I had this some years back when I was renting. My other half was unemployed at the time (covid), so the rental agreement was put in my name, credit check against me only, they knew I was the one financing it, yet they insisted on all communication going through my husband. If I hadn’t been so keen on the house, I would have told them to piss off.

Fuming <yawn>

I’ve had this a number of times and it winds me up.

went for a membership at David Lloyds, signed up for a family membership, I was put as primary account holder and we explained I was the one dealing with the children’s swimming lessons etc..

Everytime I queried anything with them, they kept ringing dh as apparently he was primary account holder ( we queried this at the desk and they confirmed I was definitely the account holder and not him) he kept telling them that they were to not contact him everytime they rang after I’d asked for a call back regarding something.

when we bought our house, the vendor had told all utility companies dh was the new owner and all bills went in his name. This was a PITA as I’m the account holder on everything to do with the house and all bills go in my name. So I had to ring them all and tell them I was the bill payer, not him 🙄

I added dh to my Halifax account, an account I’d had for over 25 years to make it a joint account. They automatically address anything from that account as dh’s name first, then mine! Errr he was an add on name, so therefore he should come after my name!

When we sold lately the EA emailed us both at same time re. everything. That’s as it should be. I was the one they phoned with the offer made after three days on the market and I was the one that accepted it. They should deal with you as you set up the meetings and keep your husband informed. Drop them.

contact the agent and pull them up on it…similar thing happened to me years ago when buying our house. I was managing it all and was the only one of us who had dealt with the solicitor, but must have given DH’s contact details during the process. Then an update email got sent just to him and not me. I forwarded it to the solicitor (male) and asked him what he was playing at. He apologised profusely straight away. I was still annoyed but like to think he never did it again!

Have also had this a long time ago with motorcycle buying (partner at the time didn't have a licence) and car buying - they rang home number and asked for MR My Surname (who doesn't exist)> Just give them short shrift, this sort of behaviour is not appropriate in this day and age of equal pay etc.

I used to work for a company that made the software used by a lot of estate agents.

It was coded so that if there were two people on the vendor card, it would reorder them so that it put the male one first. I'm not sure why, it was created before I started there.

Customers whinged about it, we whinged about it, but it was never changed because it wasn't a priority. I left there 5 years ago but I bet it still hasn't been fixed.

I'm generally loathe to support an estate agent, but possibly in this case it was the softwares fault.

Or it could be that as your DH saw them out, the conversation finished with the EA saying he’d email the valuation out to him and DH was the last person he spoke with.

He could have emailed both of them rather than the person who saw him out/ last person he spoke with/the person who only turned up when he was leaving.

It's the assumption that it has to be the man who is dealing with important things like house selling/purchasing. You're right that the information still gets to you, but it's the fact that as a female you are made to feel lesser. It's even more rude when it is you that is dealing with it but it 'defaults' back to the man who has had little/no interaction.

We’ve had the opposite issue with EAs. I struggle with my hearing and rarely answer my phone. My husband is always the one that calls EAs to arrange viewings but despite having his details I’m always the first person they contact.

I've just been the main contact organiser for both selling and buying a house purely due to the fact I'm retired and dh is working. It has completely shocked me that he is still the person first on all the forms etc.
Buying a car a couple of yrs ago the salesperson immediately handed him the paperwork to complete despite me doing the test drive , me telling him it would be my purchase my car etc .
Honestly it was like stepping back to the 60s .
Even dealing with removal companies I've been ignored and they have phoned him back .
I'm not a wallflower and I've fed back all these experiences

Ffs would it be that hard to tell them ‘hey, I’m lead contact so phone me but cc him on emails pls, thanks’.

But that's an assumption too. They might have just picked the first email on file.

I'd be upset as well this I'd put them straight & if it continued I'd make it my reason for letting them go

Chase them up saying you are waiting for an email from them. And when they say it has been sent, ask them to check the email address. Then you can ask them why they did not follow with the initial contact and suddenly changed to your husband. It is very annoying.

So if they don't have your DH number they can't call him?

I would do nothing and wait. They'll either email your DH again or call you. If they call you simply tell them that you hadn't received anything, when they say they sent it to your DH ask them why. They'll give some excuse. Tell him you don't want to deal with him because you want an EA that pays attention to the detail, after all they could also be doing this to potential buyers.

If you really still want to use the EA then ask for a different person to manage it.